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Snek Snek Snek

I'm sure you noticed the captcha issue.
If I disappear partway through the storytime, just know it probably means I've killed myself out of annoyance.

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ENTER

>Let's celebrate the countdown for the Tarnished Edition of Elden Ring
They finally announced a date for that?

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A nice hot evil woman to brighten up your day.

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>>287465637
Something close

>>287465674
>Something close
What does that mean?

>>287465592
Adorable creature.

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Look at her go.

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>>287465726
Its up in stores, finally.
But the release date seems to mostly be a placeholder.

>One page every 2 minutes
I see 4chan's sleepy for you too, OP

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>>287465864
Its gnarly right now, lmao

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A serpent never dies, not does she quit or give up!

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Part 2
An incredible face right there.

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Precious.

>>287466109
2cute

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Be sure to thank your local Crucible Knight for their service.

I'll be honest, I do not care much for Rya, her quest or the volcano manor. Rykard, however, is a great boss and fromsoft's best gimmick weapon fight.

happy familee

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She done fucked up.

>>287466188
Smug Rya

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>>287466172
I like Rykard for mage classes because he lets you really test the FP/Damage efficiency of your build.
He's not as good as the original Storm Ruler fight, but he's better than the Yhorm fight.

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Careful, this is sensitive information.

I like how you can tell Tanith's facial expressions fairly well even through the mask, just by the one eye. Props to the artist.

>>287465592
>>287465647
>>287465674
>>287465698
>>287465775
CUTEEEEEE

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>>287466281
Yeah, they are actually good at their job. It isn't just phoned in.

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She's dead....

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Part 3

>>287466342
Cruciblebro has to do everything around this joint

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She's not a step-mom, she's the mom that stepped up!

>>287466244
The dramatic presentation and the build-up to and for the original Storm Ruler gimmick fight, the battle against the Storm King in Demon's Souls, is still the best IMO. However, the Rykard fight is easily the best dramatic gimmick fight that's also a fight. This is a full-on battle with a behemoth.

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>whew, i don't have to drug my kid
Tanith....

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<3

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https://litter.catbox.moe/vpsr8a6qioqc0qw8.cbz
I won't be able to finish the dump. I didn't think it would take this long, even with the slow captchas.
If someone can do it for me, that'd be tight.

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There's only a couple pages left, so I'll pick it up

>>287465592
BEST GIRL

I really hope I can be a good mom when the day comes

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Tanith never quite figured out to have Rya equip a correctional corset to better blend in with other tarnished. Scoliosis is a bitch, even though it doesn't take away from Rya's cuteness

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And credits.

Is anyone here a recusant true? Or did you beeline straight to Rykard, eager to leave Zorayas an unfortunate orphan? 4/5 invaders are Mohg's bloody fingers. If you or your friend were molested by White Mask Varre, there's resources out there to help you and your close ones.

>>287466904
Love her

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>what the fuck am i reading?

>>287466952
Cease thine slander, viper. Luminary Mohg's claim to the Elden Throne is his birthright. His Bloody Fingers all willingly do his bidding with no exceptions.

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>>287467073
Are you truly so easily bought with the promise of infinite albinauric runes? Volcano Manor offers you recompense much more valuable. True power is for the taking by ye who do not falter; slay the gods, skin their hides, devour their flesh and take their runes. The Manor will be your shield and your cloak in your righteous work.

>>287466952
Recusant only and 4ever

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>>287466799
Thanks a million, man.
Hopefully the captcha issue is cleared up and it won't take so long in the future.

>>287466868
>t. ymir

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>>287466904
>>287466982
you wouldn't a snake....
would you?

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it's a good birthday

>>287466952
I honestly really like the concept of the Recusant questline.
Some of the game's best equipment and even the 'John Tarnished' armor are locked behind it.
So you have to willingly embrace being a villain to get the most out of the game. You gotta be a ruthless killer of your kindred to access everything.
It is a cool dynamic.

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>>287466442
Tanith should be super happy that she's not Rya's actual mother.
Daedicar got fucking skinned alive by Rykard and seems to have actually liked it, even.

>>287467458
Np man, captcha is still shitting itself as I can see but I've time with my employment-lite
>>287467729
I don't find them to be that villainous to be fair, the only target of theirs who probably didn't deserve it was Istvan. Rileigh himself most likely wiped out hordes of tarnished for wrongthink, and Juno Hoslow is... Just kinda there?

>>287467729
I wish there was a Volcano Manor ending where you invade some poor sap that just beat the Elden Beast, but never beat Rykard, and eat him alive.

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>>287466952
What I find super interesting is this: If you "sequence break" by jumping down into Volcano Manor proper from where you wake up after the Raya Lucaria abduction, you can get to and beat Rykard without ever meeting anyone from Volcano Manor. The devs accounted for this because Tanith shows up munching on Rykard's corpse without having to ever talk to her. She even has dialogue asking who the hell you are.

Anyway on topic, Mohg is just a better boss. Varre is a faggot but Ansbach carries the whole faction's reputation on his back.

>>287467938
They should have had you find Lanya's desecrated corpse at the start, and invade the jar village at the end, to really drive home the idea home.

>>287467938
Tragoth is a bro, and you gotta kill him for the throatgoat set in that quest.

>>287468245
That's Patches's sidequest thought, you can just tell Patches to fuck off

Man, now i fucking feel bad for Tanith

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>>287466952
Of all the unfinished questlines, i really wish there was more to Rya's

>>287466952
I just did what the ghosts asked me to and just headed straighr to rykard.
I don't generally don't kill non-hostile npcs.

>>287468454
She'd still kill you for sport.
Yes, that is a little hot, I'll admit.

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>>287468481
Brother, imagine being a Sellen simp like me.

>>287468481
At least she probably survived!!
That is more than most NPCs.

>>287466264
oh god she's bald

>>287465592
She's adorable.

>>287465726
Soon™.

>>287466342
She better pay Mr. Crucible handsomely.

>>287470178
Can't wait for my Oblivion tier horse armor.

>>287464050
>We don't know that at all. He could easily just be squatting in the church or be in the process of hijacking the giant skin when we arrive.
His blackflame monks outside are also on the same team as the rest of Volcano Manor and won't attack each other.

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What's the new meta everyone is abusing today? I only know the blood builds from launch.

>>287470402
For PVE its all about stance breaks and crit builds these days.
Star Firsts and Wing of Astel are kings here.

For PVP duels (not full invasions) the Milady and Shamshir are the sweatiest choices.

>>287470514
How's Milady a PVP sweat weapon? Aside from wing stance standoffs, you just spam R2 to stunlock your opponent to death

>>287470792
It being so extremely good is what makes it a sweat weapon, innit.
Thing is oppressively good if someone knows spacing.

>>287468325
That's Patches' target assigned by the manor, he just ropes you in because he'd get his ass destroyed by Tragoth.

>>287465592
How did a wimp like Rykard create such a dashing and powerful creature?

>>287466281
It is really a bit impressive.
Just some sweat drops (or not having them) and a single eye and you get a full sense of Tanith's feelings on any page, without needing to read any words.

>>287465918
You are?
You just sit there and do nothing all the day!

Not /a/. Fuck off.

>>287466109
I'm impressed by the artist's ability to convey Tanith's emotions through just her eyes.

>>287466158
The highly detailed and accurate crucible knight next to the chibi Rya amuses me greatly.

>>287467938
Juno raised his brother wrong as a joke.

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>mfw Aseo is still smarter than Miquella

>>287466319
This was before the patch, so Raya had to hit that wall 99 times to get through.

>>287466952
I generally dislike that you can, and are encouraged, to be an absolute covenant slut in order to see places. It'd be one thing if there was in anyway some kind of parity between things, but there's simply no (normal) way into the Manor to Rykard without joining up with the cultists. In general Elden Ring is lousy about wanting you to just be everyone's confidant and then only later having the ability to fuck them over. The only way to "Stop" Sellen is to do everything she wants then kill her at the end.

Makes everything feel way too gamey in a way other games from Fromsoft weren't with this stuff.

>>287472976
Aseo is smarter than some anons, though that's not saying much I guess.

>>287470514
Beating down Furnace Golems with a couple of spike fists was one of the most satisfying fights I have ever had in this game.

>>287465592
I got a little teary eyed when she got sad.

>>287472340
That is her great talent, appearing to just sit around all day while at the same time making sure to keep everything ran tighter than a nun's cunt.

>>287474121
The real power of those wickermen is directly attacking your GPU

>>287468041
I'm not too much of a fan of Mohg.
Even if you don't have the special tear for him, he's a big, fat, and kinda slow dude, without a lot of defense.
His main challenge comes from getting to his area early, and getting stat checked by his scaling. It is really easy to get to him >50 levels and a few upgrade tiers early, and he's just hard because you do no damage, lol.

>>287468041
>Varre is a faggot
I fucking wish they let him have his endgame stats in Limgrave and his meaner early access lines. It'd be so fucking funny watching him spawncamp players who try to kill him for talking shit.

>>287473065
>you can, and are encouraged, to be an absolute covenant slut
It's actually pretty thematic when you consider that the player Tarnished is Miquella. It'll be revealed in the Tarnished Edition, trust.

>>287466952
I hate how the scale armor is locked to one of the missions as I don't like killing NPCs much but its the coolest looking armor in the game.

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>>287476078
Its really funny that the Tarnivorous Armor is locked behind the ass-end of the hitman questline so almost no one will ever actually get the set.

Especially when the guy you kill is super weird, even if you're an autistic lorefag like me.
>godslayer greatsword
>armor that talks about wanting to become a shadow to his favorite empyrean
Like I think you have to kill the last human Gloam Eyed Queen follower for the set and this is just never really pondered or elaborated on.

>>287476265
>even if you're an
*especially if you're an
Meant to say

>>287476265
The game is weird what it likes to expand on and what it just sort of keeps you in the dark about. Its makes sense why he is on the list from Tanith's perspective, finishing off a potential threat once and for all. We on the other hand just follow the order if we want and are just left with a bit of info from the armor.

>>287476265
This is why I like randomizer runs. You can do quests mostly for flavor and don't have to worry about rewards so much.

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>>287467614
i would a guise

>gag manga has 999999% more story than the game itself
They shot themselves in a dick with ER storytelling so badly

>>287470402
nothing has changed much for pve, bleed builds still rape the game, but obviously rivers of blood is the weakest of blood build options
for pvp there's like a good dozen of meta builds, i think the most hip thing right now is a single lance thanks to its r1, crouch r1 and r2 mixups
for invasions nothing is stronger than int and faith builds because they can instawipe entire cooper groups, vanilla ass comet for example will melt any idiot stuck in his l2 awesome button animation and you will encounter a billion of them

>>287477013
>but obviously rivers of blood is the weakest of blood build options
It is funny that Rivers of Blood is worse than just putting Double Slash on an occult Uchigatana or Washing Pole.
Genuine noobtrap for the first time some shitter discovers that a weapon can inflict a status, 80% of the way through the game.

>>287476943
I think ER had too much shit in it and too many plots going in too many directions for Fromsoft's typical vagueposting style of storytelling to work.
There is some interesting material in there, no doubt. But too much is left up to pure interpretation that everyone that tries to understand the plot comes away with totally different interpretations to the point that it is hard to discuss everything.
Like sure, Dark Souls had people that thought the giant raven was Velka and stuff, or people that argue over what Gwyn's plans were or Havel's stuff. But in Elden Ring it goes way beyond that where the basic order of events in the plot are hotly debated.

Probably mostly an artifact of a very hard development cycle. Even more than DS3, Elden Ring had a lot removed or heavily redone soon before release. Closer to DS2 in certain ways.

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It seems like the upload today is even worse than yesterday, to the point that at least I can barely make a post.
The storytime might miss a day because of that, I'm on another tight schedule today and can't do >3 minute waits for a post.

If it clears up soon, that would be great.

>>287478693
That's fair OP, I wouldn't want to dump anything with these delays either, though if you have a pass + 4chan X you can automatize much of the process.

>>287479589
I got 4chanX/XT, but the Captchas just don't work much of the time.

>>287466952
Thank you for posting.

Its kinda insane how bad the captcha have gotten at this point.

>>287481824
I don't think it's the captcha. It's posting in general that's borked.

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Total Miquella Love for all Tarnished.

Hard to believe these people have been running this site for 20 years and it doubles as the biggest honeypot in history, and they still let shit like this happen every couple months.

>>287482311
My posts don't show half the time. I think this might be it for 4chinz

>>287482311
My posts don't even show half the time. I think this might be it for 4chinz

>>287477013
I miss pre-nerfed bloodhound step so much

>>287483758
If you're using 4chanX, they'll show up, but won't be automatically assigned (You) without doing it manually. If you aren't, you just gotta refresh.

>>287477841
The best story fromsoft told with their vagueposting was Bloodborne.

>>287484447
I agree.
The setting and cast is small enough that it comes together mostly coherently even when you don't try and make being a lorefag your personality.
You basically know most of the main characters well enough from just playing to have reasonable discussions with strangers without both of you needing to list out your massive headcanons before either could say anything.

Like compare Lady Maria, who has a clear character arc she experienced and who lived an actual life, to almost anyone in Elden Ring or even Dark Souls.
Even the weird fucks like Brador have more context to them than a lot of characters in other games.

>>287484787
Also fromsoft's storytelling lends itself really well to a more lovecraftian or eldritch storytelling than it does standard fantasy.
The most interesting parts of the elden ring lore is the frenzied flame and the whole thing with the mother of fingers losing contact with the outer gods and just making shit up

>>287484833
Being able to unironically say that >its all a dream bro, and for that to be a satisfying answer to a lot of questions about the game or how things work, is pretty outstanding.
Perhaps the smartest set up Fromsoft ever had for one of their worlds.

>>287484992
Well it also helps that the dreams are real and just some sort of different plane because lol lovecraft god shit.

>>287483883
It was borderline like playing a Bleach game adaptation with all the 'le teleports behind you'.

>>287481824
We're back!

>>287483274
Hehates Tarnished so much he cursed them with the worst attempt to make another Sword Saint Isshin I've ever seen. Next time he resurrects an optional diseased mid game warmonger, he should commit and slice himself or at least the hair.

join Rykard or Mohg's cult?

>>287487910
Mohg all the way, at least he might give me a cool sword instead of trying to eat me.

>>287487910
rykard is a worse boss but you have better coworkers
mohg was unfairly maligned, he beat the allegations, but if you work for him you have fucking Varre as your senior

>>287487910
Disregard both, go look for grapes.

>>287487910
It's a no brainer.
Mohg
>literal virgin basement dweller.
>talked big about his new dynasty, yet did nothing to actually realize that ambition.
>oppressed by the racist Golden Order, yet did nothing to oppose them.
>his only willing followers are a murderhobo who spawn-camped you just to call you a virgin (derogatory), and an old retired boomer. The rest were all kidnapped and brainwashed into following him.
>one of the followers was actually a Dragon Communion practitioner and possibly planned to kill him.
>offered no significant reward for joining him.
>bloody edgy DeviantArt-tier aesthetic.
Rykard
>total chad. The dude clapped so many cheeks he created a whole new species of man-serpent.
>most active faction actually fighting Marika's oppressive regime, still going at it to this day.
>loved his family, kept a huge painting of his big brother hanging in his mansion and helped his little sister with her nefarious scheme.
>didn't discriminate based on status, literally married a low-born dancer (translatror note: dancer means prostitute) from a foreign land.
>his brother-in-arms, Bernahl, was a badass champion worthy of becoming Elden Lord. He ventured alone into the ancient capital of the dragons to battle the Black Beast of motherfucking Destined Death.
>Bernahl also taught you the Arts of War, arguably one of the most important NPCs.
>Rya is just the most precious.
>Joining his faction lets you hunt down other Tarnished for their cool-looking and useful equipment.

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>>287487910
Disregard cults
Consume shit

>>287487910
If you are a slacker at work, like I am, then Rykard, 100%.
Look at Patches. He's a loser that pawns off his jobs to whomever he can convince to take them, and he's a proud Recusant.
I don't think that Varre and Ansbach would accept Bloody Fingers that don't do their jobs very well.

>>287489533
Big ups to the Dung Eater.
That was a man who looked at the world and saw all its depravity and pain, and said to himself, "I'm going to be the greater evil".

>>287491366
>>287494202
He's only doing this to get on Tanith's good side.

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>>287494249
i suppose you can consider him to be a deceptive snake

>>287494564
>tanith's face
This was a blue board.

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>>287494492
>>287494564
CUUUUUUTE

>>287488042
>he beat the allegations
People keep saying this, but plenty of other people were charmed by Miquella and didn't try to molest him.

>>287496220
Because Miquella didn't let them. Miquella date raped Mohg for raisins

>>287496755
You can't rape someone who is that constantly horny.
Mohg was asking for it.

>>287496937
This is anti-omen prejudice, he was just born like that

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>>287465398
It seems that the upload is fixed today. Lets hope it stays stable.
Today we start the first half of a two parter, the ballad of the gallant Iron Fist Alexander.
A song of highs and lows, of success and failure.

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Genuinely pure cancer.

>>287497539
Do you still have trouble dumping?

>>287494202
Now THIS is a weird ship. Wasn't Patches in love with her mom?

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look at him go
>>287497642
Nah, I'm good.
Just had to step away to mess with something for a min.

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Ekzykes deserves worse.

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The Guy.....
How many of you all ate shit against the Tree Sentinel on your first run?

>>287489533
He's okay. But I'm a bit more of an Arlecchino person from lies of P

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A nice old-fashioned slugfest.

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Total Jarburg Love.

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Wow, literallyme is so cool....

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>just run past all the enemies
You don't do this.... do you?

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Credits

Alexander is a jaunty boy, lets all seek to emulate his spirit.
How many of you sickos killed him for the talisman in Limgrave?
Be honest, the statute of limitations has passed by now.

>>287498272
Listen, I may have set the entire world on fire after giving a blind girl a bunch of grapes, but I would never kill Alexander.

>>287497822
I don't think a lot of people could take out Tree Sentinel their first time around. Nowadays after several playthroughs, sure, I can probably take him with bare fists, but fresh off release? Yeah I ate metric tons of shit

>>287498272
Thanks, OP.
I would never. I didn't finish his quest in my first playthrough, but I've always given him his due.

>>287497822
First run? Yeah, I gave it a couple tries, ate shit and ran away. I came back fairly soon after exploring around Agheel Lake though, it was bothering me.

>>287497822
When you first encounter him with a fresh character the stats are stacked against you massively and you actually have to go nearly hitless to whittle him down. With just a few extra healing flasks, levels (for that flat defense gain) and weapon upgrades it immediately becomes doable, much like Margit.

>>287498272
Only when I rarely play an "evil" character, not purely for the sake of the talisman.

>>287498247
Ero Tree Avatar?

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>>287498398
>not a frenzychad
You're not invited to the annual Tikkun Olam meetings.
Last time we fed Hyetta our grapes for hours. Guess what you'll never get to do now?
May your credit score forever suffer.

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Are there any comics that feature the albinaurics?

>>287498469
I had him down to 1hp on my first try but Elden Ring on PC was such an unoptimized buggy piece of shit on release that the horrible frame lag tripped me up and he killed me. I'm still salty years later. The terrible frames and half the npcs being invisible made it a bad experience, I probably should've waited until it was patched up.

Nightreign is tons of fun though, even if it's a clunky piece of shit that actively makes living miserable.

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>>287497652
his dialog definitely throws a couple hints and in both cases he has excellent taste

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>>287497652
Yes, but it was doomed to fail. It does crack me up that when you find him later on in the shithole castle, he tells you to give her a set of castanets, essentially sending her the message to go back to her dancer gig.

>>287499211
Surprised that we don't have some more cheap Elden Ring porn parody games like that, lol.

>>287497822
I ate shit and then beat him as soon as I got torrent.

>>287498272
Never.
I rarely if ever kill non-aggro'd NPCs.

>>287498272
i'm a spellcaster, i have no need for his talisman

>>287501563
>i'm a spellcaster
We have support groups for people like you.
You can get better. We will help you.

>>287501658
I bet you do Guts cosplays

>>287500640
Rya's mom has got it going on

>>287501658
yes please, i think i'm addicted to turtle meat. its 4 in the morning of the lands between, and again im staring at this Pickled Turtle Neck like its my best friend and worst enemy at the same time… promised myself id only have two but before i knew it, i already devoured dozens of them, the turtle pope probably hates me but the voices get so loud without it you know? i can't cast my unga bunga lightning spear without running out of stamina, so i need these turtle meat man, i keep telling myself one more turtle neck wont hurt, everyone needs it to cast more spells, right? it's not my fault, Marika's tits!!!! how does a single lightning spear drain me stamina more than a swing of colossal sword, it makes no sense, and i told my girl Lansseax i was clean, fuck why do i keep lying to everyone, sorry Lansseax, i can't sleep without the daily dose of turtle meat and spell casting, maybe i'll pay Florissax a visit, since we both can't sleep anyways, but won't that be cheating? im a proud Dragon Cult member, just like Vyke-senpai, i cannot be caught fooling around with a priestess of Dragon Communion, aaaaasaaaaaa Marika helps me, i swear to her tits ill quit for real tomorrow i swear… just not tonight. cant tonight

>>287502296
Its okay man, y-you know, they make Lightning infused weapons these days. Yeah?
Sure, you gotta level Dex and then suck a little dick here and there, but its okay. Its better. You'll feel better.