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Any advice for getting over a breakup, lads? I was alone for a while, years actually, because I was too depressed to do anything beyond the bare minimum of my part-time job to keep a roof over my head. Start of last year I moved back to my home town to help out when one of my grandparents went into hospital. I started getting my life back in order - got a new job with regular hours that pays pretty well, started going to the gym again, made friends with one of the guys at work and began actually doing stuff on the weekends or after work. Things were going alright and I had plans to keep up the momentum.
Then I met this girl at work. She'd been there since I started but we worked in different departments and didn't really interact until some renovations forced us to start using the same break room.
She was obviously damaged goods; even in office wear I could see she had tats all over her arms/legs/chest, she had a ladder of scars down both wrists, more than half a dozen piercings that I could see including her septum, and her hair was dyed bright red.
She was damaged goods but she was easy to talk to and obviously into me despite the 13 year age gap. We caught up outside of work a couple of times and more warning signs appeared - "I was 12 when I was raped the first time", "my car was pretty comfortable when I was homeless", "I don't do speed anymore" - but I kept seeing her.
I knew it wasn't going to be a long-term relationship, instability of interpersonal relationships is a core feature of BPD and she was a walking checklist for that disorder. Even if she didn't inevitably flip out at some point, I couldn't imagine marrying her or even introducing her to my family. I told myself not to get attached
Pic is one of our last drives together
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>>34598086
The last 5 months have been incredible though
At first it felt like we were speedrunning the highschool romance experience I'd missed out on back in the day - sneaking into her room because she'd moved back into her parent's garage, nodding along as I faked an interest in all the bands she was obsessed with, driving down to the beach at midnight to smoke a joint by the children's playground.
We've had some adventures. We broke into an abandoned asylum and explored the place until we almost got caught by the security. She took me to my first rave and we fucked while I was tripping on mushrooms. I took her camping for the first time and we fucked on the beach as the sun set behind us.
The relationship felt all-consuming. She wanted to spend every night together and when we said goodbye she'd drag it out for as long as she could. I woke up in the morning one time to her kissing my body while I slept. I found myself lying about being busy I could breathe.
The last few weeks though ... she was even more desperate to spend time together but when we were together it wasn't the same. Sometimes she'd be just as loving as before, sometimes she'd be cold or irritable.
Then she found out I was flying interstate for a few days to a friend's wedding - we argued about how I was abandoning her and how I was probably going to cheat.
The next day her parents kicked her out of the house with 48h notice after they caught her smoking a joint.
Long story short, we broke up. I was the one broke it off only to regret it the next day and try to patch it up but of course she's just leaving me on 'read' now
I felt like I made the right decision at the time but now it just seems like the biggest mistake. I feel sick, depressed, suicidal, all that shit. For all the bad, she had a lot of good points too. Everything I had in my head that made me think the the relationship was doomed long-term still stands but maybe I should've tried.
In any case, it's over. Fucking now what?
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> I found myself lying about being busy I could breathe.
You made the right choice anon. I've been there, no relationship is worth that.
Mourn the relationship and move on. Try not to start hating her, that's the best way to stay miserable. In a few days or weeks it will hurt less, and I've found that remembering that helps me get through the pain.
It sucks. Nothing wrong with crying for a bit. But I bet that in a week, while you'll still be sad about what you've lost, you'll feel relieved that you don't have to deal with her anymore.