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I'm 25 and have never had any long-term ambitions, dreams, goals, etc. besides getting a gf.
I've felt this way ever since hs a decade ago except on one occasion when a girl I tried talking to berated me for having a crush on her. That incident made me realize, “why am I relying upon someone else for validation?,” and for 2 years I lived peacefully w/o any desire for a gf, albeit still w/o any goals.
That natural human desire for intimacy however eventually crawled back, although I kept denying it until my friend told me I was only internalizing a reasonable emotion, that wish for love.
A year go after being khv etc. I finally dated someone for 2 months, but she broke things off. Even though it was only 2 months (we were not bf & gf), I can't do anything but think of her. It's as though my only true “dream,” love, once idealized w/o any experience, was proven to indeed be my sole source of meaning, outweighing even my friend. I would kill for this women, yet I've no right to feel this way, we didn't get married or anything. I love her, but this love is killing me.
If I were to actually ever get a gf and she ended things, I think I would legit kms. I do not want love to be the only source of meaning in my life. How do I find greater meaning?
And b4 someone says “God,” I've read the Bible and don't have any faith whatsoever in any possible higher power. I'd like to, but idk how to take that leap
tl;dr: I feel love is my only source of true meaning in life and I want to change that.
Showing all 5 replies.
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>>34601835
Yeah, there are men out there who fuck a different woman every night. Honestly you either betabux or keep being yourself, either way dating women as a sub8 is just you doing like 95% of the effort to keep the relationship alive.
Personally IMHO it's not worth the effort and after a few breakups I decided I won't date a woman who's also going to make the first move and put lots of effort into the relationship.
Cheers
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>>34601835
What you're describing isn't love, it's attachment or infatuation. It's a source of suffering only, never of anything positive. In order to truly love another person you have to love the truth first and foremost, because it's only through truth that you can be good to someone else. Or in other words, without the ability to be objective every interaction you have with another person will be through the lens of what you want and what benefits you. You can't think about what's best for somebody else until you've escaped your own subjectivity. In practice what this looks like is living selflessly, valuing truth for its own sake, and adhering to the virtues for their own sake. Not only will this help you in terms of how you relate to others, but it will fill the void in your life, because everyone is happy and fulfilled insofar as they're wise and virtuous. No one becomes happy or complete through any other means.
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>don't have any faith whatsoever in any possible higher power
That's your problem. You're a broken human and nothing will get better until you fix this part.
inb4 "I can't read muh Bible again anon!"
OK, seek God elsewhere. Speak to him personally, ask for guidance. I get you won't accept this answer, but it is THE ANSWER. There is only one love in this cursed life you need, the love for God. All else is just sidequests to kill time. You will never ever find meaning and purpose in another human and misery will follow you every where if you try this. You must find meaning inside yourself and in God which ironically are the same thing. To love God is to love yourself since God made you in his image, to hate God and deny his power is to hate yourself and deny your power. This is the core problem you have and until you get real with that you're on the slow boar to hell and it sounds like you don't like the trip so far so why not turn around before it's too late?