i love you all, i mean that
please be patient with yourself and give yourself grace, behind your cold exterior i know you have feelings and someone is willing to care and listen
have a good night

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>>948162503
Alright, I'll take the bait. Winter was difficult. Closest I've got to actually catching the bus. I'd purchased helium canisters few years ago during the previous lowest point, this time I was looking into methods with more care and figured that strangulation was the more surefire way, so I've prepared a kit and tested it to make sure it's doable.
Each lowest point is harder to get through, not so much coz I'm sadder, I just rationalise a little more each time why there's no point in carrying on. If the trend continues, I probably won't make it through the next one. There will be a few dips along the way which I'll get over in a week or two with medication, they come every so many months, but the February blues are the worst.

i want revenge for being born. i never asked to be here. fuck you mom & dad for not aborting me. im too pussy to kms and i hate most of my family. everyone on my mother's side is a fuckin retard, whether it's just potato brain in her case [her resting I.Q is negative & shoe-size on a good day, which she never seems to have. im actually shocked she remembers to breathe sometimes] or just straight-up autism. i can tolerate my dad in short periods. i have 2 good uncles on either side that check in every month or so, the rest of them can eat shit. man. thanks for reading my blog

>>948164666
checked
>Each lowest point is harder to get through, not so much coz I'm sadder, I just rationalise a little more each time why there's no point in carrying on.
exactly this. i’m sorry you’ve realized too
i notice i cry less and less and feel more and more calm as i ruminate on it more.

>>948164885
>i want revenge for being born. i never asked to be here. fuck you mom & dad for not aborting me.
i feel that
i know everyone will hate me for saying this, but god damn it’s so fucking hard justifying putting in any effort on ““““working on myself”””” when it’s not my fault i’m even here, and if i had it MY way i wouldn’t be!
i didn’t ask to be born, my parents did. whose fault is that?
sounds so juvenile but that’s how it truly is at its core

cunt mom made me gay then abused me when she found out i was gay
i hate her and my fucking life and fate so much
it’s so unfair
i didn’t ask for this
i genuinely believe i’d be bisexual and possibly be able to live a somewhat normal life in an alternate reality because i feel such utter disgust toward women’s sexuality, even more than an average gay man. it has to be trauma added on
hell, every “gay” man i’ve ever talked to is actually fucking bi if you really ask. gays like me don’t exist, regardless of how much it’s shoved down your throat
so annoying
i feel so fucking alone
and i don’t relate to the true flamboyant queers, especially those of these days
my only romantic options are either that, or a bisexual man who would obviously leave me for a woman once he actually wants to settle down and get married and have actual kids the normal way because why the fuck would you be gay if you had the option not to.
add being ugly and gross and so insanely depressed that i cannot leave the house, no friends, no job, NEET, no passion… it’s too overwhelming to even begin progress and it won’t be worth it in the end anyway because of the above.

>>948162503
Stop being a Trumpshit and things won't be so depressing

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>>948165977
nobody here votes dude
even if we did, would it matter?
the same interests are still bankrolling
old money never changes hands, only faces
grow up man

>>948165977
what?