File: pidsumky-FANCON-2025-01-630x420.jpg (43.4 KB)
I ain't antisocial, very much got a life, but yesterday I went to my first con with friends and basically cycled through fight or flight, being on the verge of crying and dissociation with "zoomed in" fragmented vision wedged somewhere in-between for several hours.
Bent my home keys in the pocket, chewed all lips from the inside, etc.etc. Grad shelling us and Pions just shooting 1 or 2 km away nonstop were several times less traumatic than this shit
5 cigs and some overpriced shit food later I felt much better but still felt mildly in danger and didn't interact with anyone, couldn't even bring myself to take a couple of pics-which is really weird because I have worked on big music festivals and had no issue running with a camera like a fool in front of several thousand people
Did anyone experience something similar? How do I fix it?
Oh and today is day two, and I bought tickets for both. Should I go? Like yea I cried several times at home the moment I saw a reel with a cosplay or a furry but I think I feel better plus I already paid
Showing all 4 replies.
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>>10972432
Seems to be social anxiety basically fear of just existing among other people without having a clearly defined role. Really very similar to me. This happens if you grow up in a traumatic envirnment because you expect the default state to be dangerous lile if you only have a eight to exist if you are directly useful to somebody. Probably also shame involved
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>>10972432
A few implicit unconscious beliefs that you might have that are wrong:
>it is shameful to just be alone at a cosplay con
>it is shameful to talk casually to strangers
>it is shameful to just stand around while other people are present
>only loosers eat alone at a restaurant
>its shameful to be out without friends
et cetera
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>>10972434
Soo what do?
Today was a bit better, but I still got sad toward the end of the day and left before the concert
>>10972435
>it is shameful to talk casually to strangers
Only this one, and only kinda. I just don't want to bother people. There's no direct English translation to the word I mean here, but if I was always "extra"/unwanted/out of place, why would now be different
I don't like a lot of things about myself and I just don't want to burden people just to get a meh photo and a forced smile
Tried on a fursuit head today with my friend basically talking for me, and I couldn't even pose.I always felt like it would be easier under a mask
>>10972436
Probably the opposite if I understand correctly. Calm, collected, maybe even a bit too much
I just was alone for too long