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"Would it be ok to fuck a beaver if it was smart enough to consent?" The Arch-Arch-Arch-Sage enlightened thus its most devoted students.
Showing all 163 replies.
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>>6420471
>>Beg! (What?!)
Goddess please, some of these people are surely married or promised to another and these acts are breaking their sacred vows!
I suppose there's also that paladin who may or may not have some kind of relevant pact with their god.
>>Hide! (Where?!)
If that doesn't work I guess grab the room key, grab Lady Lady, and lock ourselves in until this blows over.
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>>6421190
I believe his intention is to make use of that fact Bob could tickle her when we tried to pick her up. Shes using her power and will, but who can do anything while they are being tickled? Plus getting her out of her bad mood by laughing. Once she loses her mood and her concentration, presumably this whole spell falls apart.
At least that would be my guess of his intentions. Seems like it could be a pretty good plan given how ridiculous the situation is in the first place. I'd support that.
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>>6421195
>I'd support that.
Then tickling God it is. A few factors to consider:
-There is someone breathing on Bob's left ear. I'll give you guys the choice to either a) roll perception to find out who, b) react instantly. If you lose the perception roll then Bob will have wasted enough time to give the other the initiative.
-You'll have to roll char to see how the Goddess takes it. While she is innocent, the Goddess may be worried about how others see her in some way.
Besides, she's angy.
-Bob is also getting taken over by whatever miracle the Goddess is cooking. The stat to roll for this? Wisdom. Yeah, that -4 is here.
-You'll need a plan in case this nonsense works out somehow.
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>>6421229
If the rest agrees with that, then roll me the following:
-Dex to land the elbow on reaction, 10 to succeed.
-Str to elbow, 8 to knock out.
-Char roll to see if Bob is charming enough to quell the wrath of god, 13 to succeed.
-Wisdom to not do something he'll regret forever. 8 to succeed.
-Kinda hard to dunk an intangible deity thing into a trough, so if you can't figure out a way to make that work then consider an alternative.
If the difficulty seems fair then roll away one at a time. You can come up with a solution for the last point later unless you have a change of heart like right now.
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Rolled 5 (1d20)
>>6421238
Yeah sure I'll agree
Rolling for Agi
On the agility roll to hit. I don't know who we are elbowing but in their 'altered' state of mind, or if they've exhausted themselves before getting to Bob given the heavy breathing, hopefully they aren't going to be much of a challenge to hit. That said we do have -4 to agi? It might also be a matter of would that person want to receive whatever contact Bob is willing to offer, in this case an elbow, or lacking inhibitions would they want to get hit.
We haven't delved very much into Bob's trauma so I can't really say if he would have a bonus or not. Or if the Wet Book's virtues and Commandments cover being able to restrain yourself specifically. Or what he would have to do to make it up, whats the honorable thing to do? Kill himself or marry someone?
One guy did want to try channeling divine power, probably into Bob's hand or something, so that we could have physical contact. Could also try just praying while we do it, when you pray to a Goddess you are in direct contact with them so maybe he could dunk her. Or if he had a holy object, like the Wet Book, which he uses physically. I suppose there was also her holy drool that got on that Elf's arm to heal it and that might also work. There could be a bunch of her drool on the drinking horn.
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>>6421265
Gonna go on detail later, for now roll me a str saving throw for bob to shake off the attacker cause the elbow missed. 11 to shake off, less than 7 and Bob is knocked down, and anything in between means Bob can power through.
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>Tickle attack!
In the depths of despair, inspiration strikes. That’s it! Bob, you are brilliant. Touch may phase through her holy frame, yet you did hear the Goddess giggle. So, if sustaining this miracle requires of her focus, you may well make her lose it by tickling her ethereal shape
???: ‘gasp’ ‘gasp’
after you are safe from whatever predator is smelling your ear. A burning chill runs down your spine, but then takes a turn straight into your arm, into your elbow
Bob the Cleric: AAAAAA!
which, ready to finally meet the ass stalker, you bring back with your own humble fury for now.
>DEX ROLL (Success: 8) : 5 (-4) = FAILRE(Can Bob’s elbow find a chin?)
You swung back so hard that you ended up turning around. As you lay suspended in time, mere inches from the floor, it’s all that you can see: Lady Lady’s red eyes now like sunrise, the faint, wicked grin shaping her lips, drooling like a stray pup. Your mouth curls dramatically. You fall on your butt with your back against the bar. The head of the drunk Goddess looms above you like a red moon.
Bob the Cleric: …Lady Lady?
Your voice came out like that of a squeaky mouse, of a coward sent to the vanguard. The tiefling, swallowed whole by the frenzy, jumps at you with wide open arms as you turn tail and run, Lady Lady looks like your wife but you don’t have one. Then it happens. You can’t explain it. Your senses go highwire when her body lands on yours from behind. It’s not lust. It’s uncanny, unreal. You feel like her body weighs a million times more than it should and, all of a sudden, it feels as if you were tied to the front of a train on fire escaping from an army of dragons
off the rails.
Bob the Cleric: -AAaaaa-
It doesn’t even last a quarter of a second; the acceleration is so fast that you end up choking on your own scream. Your mind fails to piece the puzzle together before you are rammed against the tavern’s wall, rock hiding behind wood, now all of a sudden nothing but smoke and dust and debris and sound when your face meets it. Time dilates. The walls open. The roof shatters like glass. Now everywhere is outside. The shockwave from the impact sends the pantless paladin flying miles away into the dark, it sends the black barman, still holding the arm wrestling's orc hand, after the bright stars, it sends the thrifty, screaming gnome straight into heaven right as the ogre was right about to catch him. The Goddess regains all senses in a millisecond flat as the explosion blasts everyone away, as it vomits the innards of the tavern, as the whole place and all in it vanishes into the storm like a sandcastle being kicked. In but an instant, warriors and rogues and archers and wizards litter the heavens, all screaming for their lives, some naked, confusing the astrologist as new constellations are being formed.
Merely a single second later, of the rock tavern only two things remain: a completely sober Goddess, and a wide spanning crater.
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>>6421334
I guess thats why they call it extreme critical quest
>>6421336
It was silly and I enjoyed it. I would like to see where it goes, or where it would have gone, in the aftermath. Or if Bob had locked himself and Lady Lady in a room until it blows over could they manage until daybreak or not.
I was thinking Bob, Goddess, and Lady would get chased out of town. Then the adventures would continue with the banana quest.
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>>6421336
RIP Bob the Cleric who died of not talking to his goddess about what lovers do.
>>6421382
It was a quick and fun, sometimes even hilariously so, ride.
I wonder about the aftermath too, but mostly about whether goddess will keep her domain of Innocence after that stunt or be tainted and become something else. Maybe we will find out with another flawed character in search of adventure, who knows?
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Warm water is all you feel, all you think about. It envelops you, it protects you. Clean and naked, your body floats in the void, your sense of direction lost, your limbs lingering useless, yet you find no worry. You can’t hear. You can’t breathe. You cannot worry. When you open your eyes it doesn’t burn, the endless blue greets you like an old home, the blurry horizon invites you to stay. You swim around, let yourself twirl, twist, and fall at your leisure, giggling, laughing like a silly little girl. And, just like one, you gasp sharply as the school of cat-fish-dog-beavers swarms you, purring like cats, with flippers for legs, the long snout of dogs, that can consent to getting fucked. Right. This is the heaven of the Goddess of Innocence, who loves taking hot baths and little animals; you would have known even without spotting the gargantuan statue in her likeness. However, there is- something- odd- about it. It’s slight; until it’s not. The way the its face is taking out the tongue, the size of its marble dress, the angle of her hips, the shape of her smirk; you keep spotting details as the cat-fish-dog beavers swarm you, friendly, getting too friendly with each other
and then you are crushed against the rock tavern’s wall.
Bob the Cleric: AAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!
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You can’t catch your breath; it’s like your chest is half the size. Frantically is how you gauge your surroundings, the shapes and colors and sounds making no sense until they do, until someone grabs both your arms at once and holds you together.
Lady Lady: -ease! At ease!
………….It’s the Lady Lady, the same that vaporized a wall with your body. You /shriek/ but, again, your strength isn’t enough, and no matter how much you kick and wail your arms stay still.
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???: No fucking way. You actually did it.
As if beckoning salvation, your head turns to the source too fast. It’s not salvation; you recognize that instantly. The one you call the Scammer, a tall, lanky, blonde woman of brown skin and short hair, who wears the mantle, crown, jewelry, and cape of the High Priestess, is gazing upon you in eerie fascination. Which is scary.
Lady Lady: Bob. Bob. Nothing bad is going to happen. Look at me no- ahrgh!
The Lady Lady is pushed aside. It’s also someone you recognize.
Goddess: W-welcome back, Bob.
Someone who is wearing a red face, wet with snot and tears. You get a little flashback as she jumps at you and hugs you, but nothing explodes.
Goddess: W-W..W-WELCOME BACK, BOB! WAAAAH!! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH!!
Bob the Cleric: Goddess?
Your voice feels shrill and weak. Despite that, you piece one and one together.
Bob the Cleric: Did I die?
Scammer: Yup! Totally got your ass blown apart.
Lady Lady: And we finally bought you back by grace of the Goddess.
A miracle. You look at Lady Lady again- and only now do you notice her change of wardrobe, as your Goddess wets your white shirt with warm tears. The nest on her head is but a crown of little sticks now, hidden by a cowl . Her shape is muffled by the black and white robe of the priestesses of your church, white all over with black accents at the hem, stick figures resembling happy people playing.
Bob the Cleric: …How?
Your eyes widen. You look at Lady Lady. Your Goddess yelps as you push her aside and then behind you to protect her.
Bob the Cleric: You- you killed me! You killed everyone!
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Bob the Cleric: Demon! Fiend!
The Scammer grabs the dainty finger you are pointing at the now Cleric-Druid-Artificer, and puts it down. But, it’s Lady Lady herself who answers.
Lady Lady: It was me. Yes, it was. Yes… I don’t know how I did it. I don’t know how it happened. It wasn’t my intention. But; it wasn’t because I’m a demon.
You realize that what you said may have come off a bit racist when you were meaning ‘demon’ in a more specific way. Suddenly distracted, you shift your butt around: you are in a white bed, in a small wooden cabin that you are very familiar with
your room inside the Church of the Goddess of Innocence.
Scammer: Calm your tits, Bob. Lady Lady’s been helping.
You look at the scammer and then at the demon. It’s not reassuring enough. But then the face of the Goddess peeks from over your shoulder, and you turn to address her.
Bob the Cleric: How long have I been out?
Goddess: Two weeks, Bob. I was so scared. ‘sniff’
The Goddess of Innocence hugs you from behind, a bit too hard for your taste.
Goddess: What if it didn’t work? What if I wasn’t good enough?
She’s such a mess even though you’ve known each other for less than a month, and that's because you were dead set on sinking her church. This Goddess is too much of a softie.
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Scammer: Lady Lady has been going around doing your job while we were at the crater looking for your pieces to resurrect you. After Lady Lady blew up that shithole our church lost a lot of followers, so the Goddess lost power too and almost faded away again because of that.
You remember the explosion, and the Goddess shrieks when you leap from her to stand on the bed.
Bob the Cleric: You insane fool! She could destroy us all any second now!
Lady Lady looks at the floor.
Scammer: It’s been two weeks, Bob.
Bob the Cleric: Two weeks… You’ve been risking us for two weeks?!
The ‘High Priestess’ grabs your shoulder- tightly.
Scammer: Look lil tits, we were pretty much fucked at the bottom of the barrel with you out, the only way was up, and now we are going up, so better be thanking that or else you wouldn’t be here. Okaysies??
You try to slap her hand away- but she grabs it with the other with baffling ease. Yet, you hold her scummu, scamming stare.
Bob the Cleric: It will happen again.
Scammer: Which would be great! If we figure out what the fuck happened at the tavern we won’t have to worry about robbers or raiders or poor people anymore. Or taxes.
She lets you snatch your arm back while you still shoot daggers at this scoundrel with a death wish… and then you look at the arm you got back. Finally, after the world made what little sense is enough for you, the details you hadn’t noticed started flooding in. Like the size of your arm. Or the fair color of its skin. Of the lack of hair at its back. The Goddess stands to look at you as you turn and twist your hand around, which gets buried under golden hair as you bend your head forward. With that same hand, you grab the hair. You pull on it. Your head hurts.
…
You look at the Scammer. Whose cheeks look like balloons.
Scammer: …..Look. We never found all of your pieces and looking for them got boring, so I had this great idea.
Very quietly, you listen intently, slowly realizing that the shirt you are wearing is a few sizes too big, that the Goddess has grown taller, that your room has too much room now.
Scammer: What if, instead of putting you back together, we made a whole new body for our dear Bob? Since you’ve earned it after these wild two weeks of service. And since everyone now thinks that our Goddess of Innocence is the Goddess of Lust, wouldn’t it be great if our avatar was, meaning you…
You whimper as you choke on the truth. Like a little girl.
Scammer: …cute?
…
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You are sitting on the bed, lost in thought, still fixated on the blonde little girl staring back at you from the bottom of big glass of water that you are barely holding. Your long blonde hair gently scratches your knees as you shake your head from side to side, your feet don’t reach the floor anymore.
Bob the Cleric: Wake me up. Wake me the /fuck/ up.
Or don’t. You miss those cat-fish-dog-beavers so, so much right now. The Scammer is leaning against the wall, Lady Lady is making tea on your small wooden table, the Goddess is still sitting by your side, caressing your back with her hand, and you are trying to make sense out of existence. Her hand feels so big and safe that shame bites you, and when you turn to look at her you have to look up to find the Goddess’s eyes. Smiling, she holds your stare quizzically, her cheeks still rosy like wet grass in the morning, while you do a little math to figure out just how tall you are. Praying to be wrong, you just leap from the bed to stand, for the first time, with these young, tender feet- and when you turn around, standing, meet your Goddess eye to eye.
And when she stands, you start mourning the other half of your height that you lost.
Bob the Cleric: I want my real body back. /Now/.
You said so decisively, firmly, with as much manliness as you could muster, with the most adorably sweet voice you’ve ever heard.
Bob the Cleric: And I want her out of here /now/.
With those same feelings, you point at Lady Lady. The tiefling nods quietly, fills your cup with tea, and then walks away.
Lady Lady: I’m sorry.
The substitute cleric shuts the door behind her. The Scammer sighs.
Scammer: Well, there you go. One less cleric, only half a cleric left.
Goddess: Bob, she’s nice. She has saved so many in your stead. She saved me.
Bob the Cleric: She blew a tavern up trying to rape me.
The Scammer explodes laughing, so much that she ends up coughing. You just watch her scratch the wood out of your walls as your big blue eyes catch fire.
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Scammer: ..sO, so sorry, it’s just, your voice, your fucking voice man…
You open the closet and grab your spare warhammer. You struggle, but can pull it out. When you notice that the scammer is looking, you just grab a rock and she recoils anyway.
Scammer: A small body was easier to make! There’s your excuse, now take it! Lady Lady didn’t rest for two weeks spreading the word of our Holy Church. A bigger body would have taken far longer!
Goddess: Oh, no, High Priestess, that wasn’t it. It was hard because you told me to make the cutest girl in the whole wide world!
The old man in you looks at the scammer as if she kicked his dog, and hard. Yet, the taller blonde just waves away dismissively.
Scammer: Quit bitching you little bitch. You are cute! Who the hell doesn’t want to be cute? It’s why we don’t step on puppies.
You mumble something.
Scammer: Huh?
You mumble something louder. The Goddess and the Scammer lean closer. This time, you don’t mumble.
Bob the Cleric: OUT, YOU TWO! OUT OF MY ROOM RIGHT NOW!
You flail your arms around threateningly. It isn’t threatening.
Scammer: Awww!
Bob the Cleric: GET OUT!
They take the hint and you slam the door shut. But then a shrill little scream escapes you when the Goddess’s head phases through the door from the outside.
Goddess: Me too?
Bob the Cleric: OUT!
The face of your Goddess sinks back into the door. You grab your head. Like claws, you drag your fingers down through this golden hair, wondering when it ends.
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After a while brooding, of long hours of introspection, the knocking on your door knocks you out of your head. You wait. You don’t answer. Better that than cursing your lungs out to then regret it, and you know that to heart.
A muffled voice echoes from behind the door.
Scammer: Open up, fuckhead. I know you are still the same bitter asshole, but you should at least be glad that we saved you.
Bob the Cleric: Save yourself from me.
Scammer: Daaaaamn, that angry? Look, is it really that bad? Can’t you just ask the Goddess to give you your real body later?
You open the door. It was harder than you thought. Despite this new height difference, you feel this silent agreement between you and the scammer that you can and will find a way to kick her ass if she earns it. She walks in, dragging the cape of her outfit through the floor. You close the door behind her.
Scammer: We need to talk business. I’ll lay it on you: everyone thinks Bob is dead. I wanted to make your resurrection a public event, but the Goddess didn’t want that. A total fucking waste of solid advertising if you ask me.
Bob the Cleric: Point being?
The scammer pats your head. You bite her hand.
Scammer: AAAAAA LET GO BITCH
You don’t.
Scammer: I’M SORRY!
You do. She whines and shakes the hand. You didn’t draw blood, but it pains you to know that the temptation was there.
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Scammer: Point being, that it may be pretty fucking wild if we tell everyone that we brought our guy back as a little girl. With the whole Goddess of Lust thing and all.
Bob the Cleric: And you didn’t think that through. All this time.
Scammer: Dead fucking serious: no. I didn’t.
The scammer scratches her head. Years have taught you to believe her.
Scammer: I mean, it’s your call, but I’m not sure how these folks are going to take it.
Bob the Cleric: You mean I can’t even be me right now.
Scammer: Bob, you’ll always be yourself, whether you want to or not. No matter how we market you.
Goddess: Market me too!
Scammer: AAA FUCK! Stop doing that!
Now the head of the Goddess is on the floor, cheek puffed and all. She phases into the room entirely.
Goddess: I don’t even have a name yet!
Bob the Cleric: Goddess, you…
The mnemic flashback strikes you like thunder. The way her presence flickers, how you can almost see right through her… It’s the same as back then. Back when she was your nemesis. She picks up on your stare instantly despite you being a different person now.
Goddess: Oh- this? Haha, it’s nothing Bob! I can go overboard every now and then. The faith of my loyal followers will get me back in shape. Tomorrow for sure.
She winks at you, her presence still as weak. Genuine worry strikes you.
Bob the Cleric: …What did t cost? How -‘cute’- did you make this body?
Goddess: Enough that I’m sure I won’t regret it.
Then the holy being flashes a little grin.
Goddess: Enough to make amends? Haha.
No one should ever drink again.
>This seems like an important choice.
>Regarding the Goddess…
>>”Your name is ‘Goddess of Innocence’.”
>>Write in.
>Regarding yourself…
>>You don’t care. Let them know you are still the same old Bob.
>>They aren't ready for this. You'll need a new name and story.
>>Write in.
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>>6421859
>>Write in.
Adora.
Went from Pandora, given the destructive nature of her innocence, to Dora to Adora. Plus shes Adorable.
>>They aren't ready for this. You'll need a new name and story.
Eventually Bob will get his body and name back.
That said Bobby/Bobbie is still usable, as short for Roberta. A small way to grasp onto his remaining identity. I wouldn't feel bad if he just said fuck it tell them the truth either tho lol.
Bob's lost sister? Daughter? Cousin? At least it might help ease the remaining similarities in speech and manner. Maybe even a belief that his whole bloodline was holy or some shit.
Also Lust is rather a bad framing. Surely they could have atleast tried to frame it as Fertility and Harvest or something. Or Bacchus like, divinities that get drunk and other people get really drunk and party.
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Gonna wait this one out.
>Adora.
However, I am railroading this. It is unethical, impractical, and it will cost me the trust of my players and therefore the long term stability of the quest. You will all look at me with digust and cringe from now on as I shit words and fuck up my keyboard with my tears and I will always be right forever.
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>>6421859
>>They aren't ready for this. You'll need a new name and story.
It makes for a nice secret to only tell higher initiates so they can "know more" than the lower ups.
Plus, if we can try to accept our rebirth and trying to start a new life with a new identity, maybe that will help us overcome our trauma (or at the least bury it deeper).
For the new identity I don't like Roberta as that's the name another quest's MC (the still somewhat hiatus'd Shattered Phylactery one). Flavia maybe (meaning golden/blonde in latin)?
Bob's daughter or cousin sounds good.
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>>6421962
> fuck it tell them the truth either tho lol
Bob the angry old man.
> overcome our trauma
I guess it depends on the trauma’s context, for all we know this can worsen it of having one’s sense of self altered by external circumstances. A loss of control.
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I'm bored, so here's some suggestions:
>From a very tender age, you were kidnapped by a clan of ninjas who mistook you for their Chosen One. The only thng they managed to teach you despite their harsh training is how to do backflips, but they still believe that you will save the world somehow.
>You don't remember your parents. You were raised by a herd of hardcore raider cows who took pity on you after your father died trying to do a backflip.
>The Goddess of Innocence bought you back from the afterlife to spread the word about how better her church is than all the others.
>You are Bob's daughter/niece/cousin/sister/mother/wife and were bored.
>Put your own muse to work too you lazy ass.
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>>6422624
I appreciate it. I was kind of drawing a blank today.
>>You are Bob's daughter/niece/cousin/sister/mother/wife and were bored.
Daughter. Continuing his work after his martyrdom, or whatever. Bob is the fairly straight man of the group so I'd suppose he wants a straight story. Also to bring him back to life, which from 'Flavia' might sound precious enough to convince people to join rather than smash her little dreams?
I wonder how long Bob will be angry at Lady Lady. Until he gets his body back? Until she breaks down and cries? Or whatever reconciliations continue until morale improves. Hopefully love will conquer all.
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>>They aren't ready for this. You'll need a new name and story.
A monkey wrench is thrown into the cogs of your brain, you feel it keenly like a needle piercing your thumb. The Goddess you’ve been traveling far and wide to protect, the miracle for whom you’ve dared cast aside your fears, almost sacrificed herself to make you
cute.
Goddess: Do you like it?
Your eyes feel like stones as you desperately try to convince yourself that you are taking part in a grand design or scheme of sorts. This cabin that the scammer has lent you, in which you’ve slept two times at most, lacks a mirror and the window that is reflecting you is too tarnished, but you’ll make do. You snatch the pillow behind you and bury your small arm in a hole behind it, then struggle digging as both the Scammer and the Goddess blink and share looks. But then your fingers hit something that you dig out, and it’s the sheathed, trusty dagger that you keep polished and oiled. As you stretch your arms far from your body to unsheathe it, you find your fingers trembling.
…
It makes you… sad, even angry, that the angel in the dagger had to end up stuck with you. While her golden hair, your hair, is naturally disheveled right now, it is clear that the Goddess crafted this face after her own vibrant image. Which could be a problem. But what you see is something different. Firmly sheathing the dagger, you make a truly sacred, silent vow to protect that little girl from the world, as if she was your own…
Bob the Cleric: Daughter. I’m Bob’s daughter, whose mission is to continue his work. To bring him back to life.
You shoot straight stares at the Scammer and Goddess both, making sure they got the message.
Flavia the Cleric: And my name is Flavia.
Adora: And my name is Adora!
You look plainly at the Goddess, now Adora the Goddess of Innocence. Oh well. Stealing the spotlight is what she does. What she has to do.
Scammer: You having a name, eeeeh, I dunno, man…
Adora: You ‘dunno’ what?
Scammer: Weeell, the whole ‘Goddess’ thing lets people imagine you however they want. If everyone fills the gaps with what they like then everyone will like you.
Adora bites her lower lip.
Adora: But I’m great.
Scammer: Yeaaaaaah, but ‘great’ is subjective… fine, sheesh, I get it.
Adora: Get out. I have to do Bob.
Scammer: That sounds like a million times worse now. Bob, do your job.
Flavia the Cleric: It’s Flavia. Flavia. And, Goddess… Adora; you shouldn’t say that.
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File: itsJustACombManCalmDown.png (2.7 MB)
Flavia the Cleric: Ouch!
It hurts. What Adora meant by ‘doing you’ was something you couldn’t have imagined yet: braiding and combing your hair.
Adora: Mu-huhu-huhuu!!
If anything, you are learning sympathy towards the fairer sex, the longer their hair. You are standing near the door while the Goddess is sitting on the bed behind you. The pressure you feel on your nape as the comb goes down your hair is strong, and almost annoying when it gets stuck on tangled strands.
Flavia the Cleric: Goddess, If this body is already your masterwork, then why… auauaua… why even perfect it?
Adora: Because it’s not enough. Everyone should think that you care about what they see. That your presence there is a gift.
Flavia the Cleric: My ‘gift’ is doing the work. My duty on behalf of the Church.
Adora: Well now your sacred duty to the Church is also to look pretty and that’s that.
You are going to have so much fun brainstorming ways of getting back to the Scammer.
Adora: Turn around.
You do- only to whimper as the Goddess gushes all over you.
Adora: No, no, no, you look TOO ADORAble aaaaaaaa help meee!!
You don’t know how to react as she hugs and shakes you. In your mind, you are still that firm old oak, of rugged skin and wrinkles, wearing violet bags under your eyes, who loves nothing more than making furniture and taking a fat shit in a cold morning.
Back then, nobody hugged you like this.
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Adora: Ok stand still.
Blankly is how you face your Goddess as she works on your fringe and bangs. Surprisingly, it’s now you who is somewhat amused by the face Adora can make the rarest of times that she’s focused.
Adora: Hehe, you are starting to get it.
Flavia the Cleric: What?
Adora: You look super cute smiling like that.
You close your eyes: this is too much. From the depths of your heart, however, your resolve manages to reach you again: if this is the duty that your Goddess bestows upon you, then so be it. It is in doing the holy work, you decide, that you are Bob. The rest is ephemeral.
Adora: I’m too good at this. Ok, be right back.
You watch the Goddess sink into the wall. In mere seconds, she is back. That sentence had never been this literal.
Adora: Ok, time for your bath.
The Goddess of Innocence drops a bucket on the floor; you feel your stomach sink as she kneels next to you with a sponge
but you stop paying your belly any heed the moment Adora starts tugging at the white shirt that is all you are wearing.
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File: itsJustABucketManCalmDown.jpg (108.3 KB)
Flavia the Cleric: What! Goddess- Adora! Stop!
Adora: No, you are too sweaty.
Flavia the Cleric: I can handle this myself!
Adora: No, you’ll get the hair all wet.
Panicking, you scramble for reasons to resist your Goddess, surprised by her insistence. If this is her commandment, then it would be heresy to resist. But- what if she’s being affected by the prayers of those who think her the Goddess of Lust? And yet, then again- isn’t this just another act of innocence? Amidst the tempest of thoughts, you find the eye of the storm as you, with this new, frail form, sink your teeth in divinity’s hand.
Adora: a-!
Your rationale was simple: this isn’t about you. So, this isn’t about your duty. This is about protecting the modesty of this young girl, Flavia, who has nothing to do with this. You will simply do as usual: follow the ethics of the Wet Book. As the Goddess shakes her hand and whimpers, you take a deep breath to help your little lungs.
Flavia the Cleric: Go away! I could and can take baths on my own. That hasn’t changed.
Adora puffs her cheek.
Adora: But I want the perfect body I made-a!
You push her to the door with complete disregard as you snatch the sponge from her faintly flickering hand, then slam it shut.
Flavia the Cleric: And no peeking through the damn walls!
Your voice couldn’t sound any less threatening if you tried now, so you pray Adora still remembers how it was. Once alone, you find yourself almost feeling disgust, only for the thought to be swallowed back inside. At this point, you don’t care if the Goddess understands or not so long as she stays in line.
Flavia the Cleric: …
You look at the sponge.
……..........................
You couldn’t quite do it correctly. Simply feeling your own body felt wrong already, so even thinking about looking at it got you blushing. Naked, shaking, dripping, and in utter darkness as your eyes remained shut, you did nothing until you found a suitable passage in the Wet Book. The reasoning you derived from it goes as follows: if Flavia can’t do it on her own, then it’s only humane that you help her. It’s what nurses do for those who can’t take care of themselves.
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As you skulk through the dark hallway, the hive of words guides you like a beacon. Once you step into the line that separates light from darkness, you peek, already engulfed by the chatter and ugly laughter and bad music. Wearing the oversized hooded robe you found neatly tucked inside your closet, you step into the hall that has been carved into the hull
because the Church of the Goddess of Innocence is inside a pirate ship that has been repurposed as an open-air bar.
Drunk Lizardman: This is not even worth arguing, skinny! If the beaver wants it too then who is anyone else to take issue?
Except for a single floor below, whatever depth this vessel had has been hacked away to make space for a single rectangular room. You throw your neck back. Far above, now even further, half of the deck of the ship that is also the ceiling had been chopped away to let the starry sky in, right on top of the stacked, decorated circular bar at the very back, the heart of your Church. You look around. Instead of walls, three rows of hallways surround the main courtyard where the tables and seats and souls are, with ropes for railing. Some chandeliers crudely hang from above as if suspended by magic, but you know that they aren’t because one time one fell on you.
Orc Waitress: So what can I getcha?
Gnome Wizard: Punch me in the face real hard!
Counting the patrons to see how the Church is doing as usual, you don’t fail to notice that the few stares that stumbled upon your direction stuck, so you keep moving. While this stranded ship was intended as a temple at first, travellers and guests both kept assuming that the Church of the Goddess of Innocence was a thematic pirate tavern, and so eventually even actual pirates took a liking to it. Then the Goddess made friends with a parrot. As you expected, your fellow Scammer wasted not a breath to bank on this perception, so now it’s hard to say whether the Church thrives thanks to the donations of its followers or because we haven’t been scammed yet on the quality of the counterfeit booze.
Flavia the Cleric: …
You feel overwhelmed by how tall everything is now. It reminds you of that time you let that girl ride you around like a horse, and how badly you scraped your knees back then. How quickly the tide changes: it makes you feel nostalgic. So nostalgic that the harrowing silence takes you by surprise, that you only take notice of it when the people looking straight at you now amount to the entirety.
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File: TheHeartOfTheChurch.jpg (61.1 KB)
The whispers start slashing at you like far mosquitoes.
Orc Fanatic: …is that the Goddess?
Halfling Bard: Look, you idiot!
Ogre Rogue: …cute.
Besides the hooded robe, your garment came with many accessories like bracers and a necklace, and a diadem in the shape of branches. You don’t know how any of them look on you, or even if you are wearing them correctly. Suddenly in the spotlight, such matters grow far more important than you expected, and so you find yourself trying to hide inside your clothing.
Adora: Behoooold everyone! Our new Bob!
It's like the object of your faith just exploded into existence beside you to grab your hand and lift it. But that sentence… didn’t help with the whispers. Helplessly is how you glance at the Goddess, sheepishly is how she laughs at you. But then she realizes with a blank ‘oh’.
Adora: Our new Bob because she will take over for Bob and do what Bob did, because she’s Bob’s daughter. Meet Flavia, everyone!
The crowd doesn’t know whether to cheer, clap, go ‘wow’ or laugh, so they do everything. Considering the Goddess you are affiliated with there was no way to avoid this. But damn… your nerves…
Human Gambler: THE Bob was getting it on? But who is the mother?
Tall She-orc Priest: Where has she been all this time?
Human Waiter: Why is such a sweet little rose in this den in the first place?
Adora: Hey!
Human Waiter: No offense.
She-goblin Barbarian Berserker: Hey honey! What do you do for fun? What’s your hobbies?
Ogre Ninja: Do you have any friends? Are you lonely?
The questions of the customers and followers (and those who are both) keep piling up and becoming louder. Among the supporters of the Church (or at least the bar) you spot both Lady Lady, who is chewing, and the Scammer, who is making faces at you from which you can’t draw either sense or meaning. But at least one point comes across. It becomes… glaringly apparent, that you are perceived as a frail maiden in their eyes. So… how do frail maidens act?
>How do you answer? (ALL):
>>Who is your mother?
>>Where have you been?
>>What do you like to do?
>>Do you have friends?
>This is a nightmare. (Pick one)
>>Act all cutesy.
>>Go fuck yourself.
>>Write In.
>What now… (Pick one)
>>Visit Lady Lady.
>>Ask the Scammer what’s what.
>>Ask Adora about new prayers.
>>Visit the Quest Board. It’s been two weeks.
>>Announce a campaign to gather more followers.
>>Give a speech.
>>Write In.
>>
>>6423380
>>Who is your mother?
My mother was a kind woman - a miller's daughter - that liked sweet treats of sugar and drawings of happy sheep.
>>Where have you been?
Reading the Wet Book and praying to Adora until she found me and I could continue the work of Bob.
>>What do you like to do?
I like it when people and animals are laughing and happy. I want to see the sheep as happy as my mother used to draw them.
>>Do you have friends?
You are my friends, all of you. Some of you just don't know it yet.
>>Write In.
Depending on circumstances and questions, alternate between cutesy and innocent (try to be inspired by the girl that visited the windmill and turned the scammers heart) on the one hand and a decent amount of Bob on the other hand.
>>Give a speech.
Give a speech about innocence and purity, about playfulness and abundance. Try to twist the scammers branding of Adora to a more appropriate one, like >>6421962 suggested a few days ago.
>>6422338
>>6422835
Sorry for not helping with the background story, I had a couple of rather busy days and no muse came by to inspire me either. I'm happy with what we got, though.
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>>6423558
>Support
Goddess of Innocence, abundance and Festivity. A Dionysus/Bacchus figure. To free them from self-conscious fear, to subvert the oppressions of the powerful. The 'Temple' being a former pirate ship and now an almost pirate themed tavern seem like it would lean well into some of that.
Np my dude, I think its all coming together. Bit by bit as the muses provide.
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>>6423558
>I had a couple of rather busy days and no muse came by to inspire me either.
I'm a greedy QM, so don't feel bad. In fact, I'm feeling quite pampered already.
>Reading the Wet Book
Keep in mind that the Wet Book exists for like a month and a week at most. You can still say that though, but it maaay not be enough.
>alternate between cutesy and innocent
Fair warning, this may take constant wisdom rolls. If you take just one or the other then it's just charisma because there's no need to discern. The consequence for failing this would be acting cutesy of bobsy with poor criteria.
>Give a speech about innocence and purity, about playfulness and abundance.
I'll dare ask you to be just a bit more concrete. What is it that you want to say about innocence and purity and playfulness and abundance? That they are good, for example?
>>6423566
I see, so kinda the theme with >>6421962 .
I'll give this one some more time in case anyone else wants to pitch in.
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>>6423596
Flavia was either on some farm, or I suppose Bob's Nature skill could also cover fishing, except shes clearly not tan and her hands aren't callused to hell. Could have been on a boat sitting pretty, hearing all the ship speak so Flavia can talk as mean as a sailor.
Bob could probably use the release of all this pent up frustration anyways, I believe they would call this gap-moe.
>>Go fuck yourself.
Okay, yeah, I would rather just take the cha roll than a bunch of wisdom (-4)
No rush then
>>
Hmmm it's been a day. I could just go with >>6423596 and roll for wheter Bob alternates or not. If calling for rolls takes another day then the pacing will be wrecked. I'll give this like an hour more cuz I wanna write.
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>>6424288
If it does end up with the wisdom rolls would someone be able to tell Flavia who is who and what approach to take with them during introductions?
Lady Lady be the highest wisdom character in our circle? Or Scammer by knowledge of presumably knowing most of the patrons.
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Rolled 1 (1d2)
>>6424302
Bob already knows many of then, but Flavia could get some help if and when she'a planning to introduce herself to someone new. If someone introduces itself to her, however, it would be a wis roll. The Church is, besides a church, just like any other bar at this point, so odds are that there are people there nobody knows.
As for Lady Lady, Flavia has just met her. The Scammer may seem wise, yet there's the question if an asshole can ever truly be considered such.
I'll just call it, then. 1: wis rolls. 2: full Bob.
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lawl wis rolls it is, and since the idea was to alternate we are going do to one for each thing. If a roll is good, then Flavia nails the proper tone, if it isn't then cringe it is.
So
roll me 7 wis rolls. 10 to win each (after that -4 lmao). I know that the prompts are 6.
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Ahh, forgot to reply on Saturday and didn't check on Sunday.
Since the wis rolls already had our-4 factored in, I assume the cha roll had our +3 already factored in? If so: holy shit, we're really good at fucking things up!
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>>6425086
>Since the wis rolls already had our-4 factored in, I assume the cha roll had our +3 already factored in?
Yup!
>If so: holy shit, we're really good at fucking things up!
Also yes. This amount of fuckery required careful attention, so I decided to take my time with it since the quest got too quiet anyway. But tomorrow for sure.