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I feel actually fucking insane. I'm a trans girl with BPD who started dating my friend of many years. actually, I detransitoned for a while after being out for 6 years and on hrt for 4. But, he sort of talked me back into it. He didn't make me do anything, but the way he talks to me makes me feel so soft, and feminine. So I was basically the girl in our relationship.

I love him so much. We only dated for almost a week, and yet... for me it felt like a lifetime, and everyone around me including my parents said my personality is COMPLETELY different. Before we were just edgy friends who argued often, but now I just act very soft and every time he snaps.. I beg him to stop and try to do anything I can to make him feel better.
We're still talking, we aren't dating anymore, but we still flirt a lot. He just said that he wasn't ready and he rushed it, and he doesn't blame me, even though I obviously went on a bit too strong. Because I'm so extremely obsessive.

I can't go even a few hours without talking to you, or.. I do, but the entire time it feels like agony. Every second feels like knifes in my stomach, like claws digging in my eyes. Every time I'm away from you is the worst torture I've ever felt. I convince myself I did something wrong, that this is the time I finally lose you forever. But, as soon as you come back, it's like all my worries are instantly wiped away, and I'm happy again.
When you left me I literally wanted to kill myself. I wanted to hurt myself. I only held onto the hope we would get back together, I think maybe we still will. I just have to.. not be so clingy, and give you space. I'm trying so hard not to appear desperate, anxious, insane.
I've never felt this way about anyone before.