>>84770034
>hello anon, how are you today
terrible. i cant sleep and i feel a crushing existential weight in my chest. it feels so terrible.
>has something been on your mind?
my mental decline keeps getting worse. i misremember things more and more, i forget things, it is scaring me
>what's something you're looking forward to this summer?
nothing i hate this season. it is hot and i feel even worse than other seasons. i just want to hibernate through it all. i hope your summer and day is better than mine, sorry for dumping this crap in your thread.

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>>84770138
>terrible.
im sorry to hear anone. whats making you feel this way? somethng in particular? is it just how you feel?
>misremember things more and more, i forget thing
i can relate to that, my memory is getting worse and worse too. dont really know what to do about it other than well, try to ignore the fact its happening. maybe it'll get better with time? i dunno. im just coping but i hope it does and i hope you improve too
>want to hibernate
eh me too, i dont have much to look forward to and this weather is killing me. also, dont be sorry for venting here, its why i make threads in the first place desu.

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>>84770321
>whats making you feel this way?
i dont know. its just there. sometimes it happens, maybe its because life feels like it is passing me by, or maybe its because it feels like everything good in this world is dying.
>my memory is getting worse and worse too. dont really know what to do about it other than well, try to ignore the fact its happening. maybe it'll get better with time
im sorry you relate. i hope it gets better, idk what to do either. i tried supplements, but nothing has really helped. ignoring it and coping seems like its for the best.
>i dont have much to look forward to and this weather is killing me.
same same. the heat is suffocating

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I want this boat
https://www.boats.com/sailing-boats/1986-westerly-fulmar-32-10157002/

Like the idea is that I would put 1,800 watts solar, a 800 amphour 12volt battery system parallel setup, a 3,000 watt inverter, a charge controller, 12 volt water purifier, dinghy with outboard, boat electronics, starlink, and have plenty of electricity left over for an autopilot on the teller.

Spend spring in the UK, sail the Mediterranean's during summer, and sail across the Atlantic in the winter on a 32 foot vessel.

Do this all by 2028 and being at 36 adventuring the world, and getting donations for live streaming the ordeal like Truman.

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>>84770034
>hello anon, how are you today?
Bad I've been procrastinating
I'm going to wash some clothes and take a shower, and then I'll download some music and write some things down, and then I can go to bed.

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>>84770371
>its just there
i get that though, its like that for me too. i can have a completely fine day and then just everything goes bad without anything even happening.
>like everything good in this world is dying
unfortunately i think thats true, but there's still some good things left, we just have to look for them and treasure them. keeping in mind good places and whatnot when you feel this way helps a lot i think.
>supplements
i've been to the doctor and they told me all i can realistically do is just take supplements of vitamin D or B and hope it does something. so far it hasn't done much. whatever i guess! ill forget the bad things eventually i suppose.
>>84770403
really cool boat desu. i like the plan of travelling around the world aswell, i think its the best thing you can do nowdays, everything else feels pointless and boring
>>84770460
its okay to do nothing sometimes. good luck with the chores, they can be though

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>>84770641
>i get that though, its like that for me too. i can have a completely fine day and then just everything goes bad without anything even happening.
love when that happens, its a real joy. god why
>unfortunately i think thats true, but there's still some good things left
i try to find them and treasure them, but man... it hurts. i think about how even that stuff will disappear too. it makes it hard to enjoy while i have them, yknow?
>all i can realistically do is just take supplements of vitamin D or B and hope it does something
mmm im on vitamin D too. 50,000 iu and it doesnt feel like its doing anything either. hope you see results soon
>whatever i guess! ill forget the bad things eventually i suppose.
glass half full i guess

>>84770034
please please bully me into being productive and drawing instead of posting help help :(
>what's something you're looking forward to this summer?
art fight!!! i'm trying to make some refs for it but auugghghghh DRAWING AAAAA

Hi anon, I'm fairly well. Recently I haven't been suffering, which is great. I'm trying to improve myself in some ways. It's being a slow journey, but I hope that I keep up with all of that. Something that has been on my mind is that in some ways I'm disappointment to myself and to my parents. For example, my father said he had to come to terms with the fact that I'm an "introvert" (I think he wanted to say that I'm friendless). And also that I wished some things on my life went different.
But on the other side there are good things happening. I'm reading about mythology and it has been fun so far. I read an overview on the sumerian and egyptian mythology and I'm really liking the storytelling part of the religions, that is, the myths. I'm looking forward to read "Sketches for a Theory of Emotions" and to play Rance III. Rance series has been pretty fun so far.

>>84770138
I'm sorry you are going through this, anon. Hope things get better.

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>>84770741
>god why
for his own amusement, clearly, why else?
>how even that stuff will disappear
yeah, it will, everything does. thats why you see so many quotes about "its about the journey" because well, as corny as they sound, it is. the destination is nothing. we have to treasure every good step we take in order to withstand the bad ones. the place we get to doesnt really matter in the end.
>makes it hard to enjoy while i have them
yeah, its hard for me too, but i try anyway. as soon as the bad thoughts like "this will end anyway" "after this good time a thousand worse ones will come" i just, like, tell myself i dont care. yeah they will come. whatever, i dont live in the future, i live in the present desu. let them come later, im having fun right now.
>hope you see results
i dont hold high hopes but thanks.
>>84770749
go do something productive anon, what the hell is wrong with you? what are you even doing here? baka. if you're gonna draw something at least show it here though. i wanna see!
>art fight
woah! very serious. woah! go do reps. n ow! NOW
>>84770823
>some ways I'm disappointment
i get that desu, i feel that way often. although i cope with saying stuff like "oh but life is different for everyone we shouldnt base ourselves off a standard everyone has to get to" which is true, albeit yes, a cope. uhm, you can try it if you wanna tho.
>mythology
thats really fun. i like it and i wished there was more stuff i could enjoy about it, not just books and wikipedia pages. stuff like games or movies. i do like reading wikepedia pages about greek gods. i hope you end up enjoying reading the books

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>>84770034
>hello anon
hello..
>how are you today? has something been on your mind?
terribly and terrible things. if even more things go wrong i think i'll just properly end it at this point. its so ridiculous.. and might actually be rlly fucked this time(tm)
>dont be too harsh on yourself!
no, everything could have been so great if i wasnt like this. if i didnt do such retarded things and didnt rely on others this way.
>what's something you're looking forward to this summer?
i want for some stuff to at least go well. this whole moving out thing has been such a pain so far. 3 months of work from social workers ands tuff and still barely any results just because of how annoying things are.
i should also be happy for my birthday but i will just drink and skip the entire day like i have been doing for the past couple of days.

i asked in the other thread but everybody went to bed before i came back from cycling i think. what sorta job are we looking at in your case?also how are things?

sorry if this sounds disjointed or anything but i had to rewrite some stuff and cut a lot out idk how it reads now as im not sober.. again....

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>>84771018
hey anone. sorry to hear you havent been doing good
>might actually be rlly fucked
oh, what happened this time? are you sure you're not exaggerating things a bit? i know it easy for people like us to do so.
>such retarded things
...like?
>just drink and skip the entire day
i can relate to the need of doing that but do try to resist. also happy birthday! i wish i could attend to your (not so) party but oh well.
>what sorta job
cook, technically they hired me although i dunno. we'll see how it goes. things are okay

>>84770034
tao is cute

>>84771006
>uhm, you can try it if you wanna tho.
I will give it a try when that thought come again. Still, I disagree with tha phrase, so I'm not sure of the effectiveness. I could try to create another phrase/view it in another way and try to see if I can cope.
>i do like reading wikepedia pages about greek gods
That's already something!
>i hope you end up enjoying reading the books
Thank you.

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>>84771326
single truest fact ever said!
>>84771521
>create another phrase/view it in another way
sure you can, we all have different ways to gaslight ourselves into thinking what we're doing is okay. thats what we do!
>That's already something
i guess so, although by doing that i kind of just have a general knowledge of things and never enough to actually be able to explain something to someone else that asks me about it. im stuck in this situation with many topics and its annoying.

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>>84770034
Why do you never talk a little about how you're feeling too in the OP? That's something I realized in all your threads that I saw.

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>>84772530
>how you're feeling too
i dont particularly like talking about myself, i dont think it matters, and also, it doesnt really do anything for me. i feel better by talking about other people's problems or happy things. not my own.

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>>84771197
>oh, what happened this time?
better not talk about that stuff while its still in progress and stuff. if it turns out to be a nothingburger i could share
>are you sure you're not exaggerating things a bit?
maybe, maybe not. i was a little emotional when i first heard the news but after a couple of days of contemplation im still just so down. i dunno sorry. maybe it is just nothing yet again
>...like?
i try to do some things in really autistic ways to avoid whatever my mind sees as a potential bad thing even when it almost never is so i just do stupid stuff i guess. i dunno how to explain sorry im not there right now
>i can relate to the need of doing that but do try to resist.
my body is already fighting back in needing a lot more to get the same effect as before which is rlly sorta bad for your stomach if you try to force it with wine and stuff.
>also happy birthday!
in a couple of days but thanks :3
you're the first the second person to say that i think..
which is sorta sad all things considered.
>we'll see how it goes. things are okay
im happy that your happy. and thats a rlly nice mindset. godspeed anon

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>>84770034
>what's something you're looking forward to this summer?
our wedding

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>>84772605
So it's a personal thing, I see.

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>>84772605
you sound like a tsundere, cute

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>>84772616
>while its still in progress and stuff
ah, okay, i suppose that makes sense. in case you do wanna talk about it in the future know im up to do so
>maybe it is just nothing
i dont know, but its not a bad idea to think about it rationally and figure out whether its worth it to get all worked up for it or if you should just go "eh whatevs"
>try to do some things in really autistic ways
i do believe thats enough for me to understand desu
>in a couple of days
oh, you should've said so, now its bad luck that i said it sooner! well, your loss!
>thats a rlly nice mindset
yep. deluding yourself things are fine goes a long way.
>>84772728
i admire your determination anon, maybe if you tell me the day i'll attend too desu. maybe!
>>84772766
it could also be because im terrified of others knowing things about me and possibly getting too attached or something. i dunno, i have been trying to decipher my mind and it hasn't worked so far.
>>84772777
i know, ive been called that many times. i guess it must be true, also, nice trips idiot.

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>>84772804
>possibly getting too attached
If this happened, why would it be a problem? If what you fear is anons starting to ask for your disc, you can just kindly say you aren't interested.

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>>84772804
>i admire your determination anon, maybe if you tell me the day i'll attend too desu. maybe!
cant ruin the surprise. It's fine I'll princess carry you to the altar, if you are ready or not

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>>84772804
>>84772893
btw where you gone or did i keep missing you for weeks?

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>>84772844
>starting to ask for your disc
its not really that, more so just an internal paranoia i have. i dont want to hurt people by rejecting them, and i dont want to get attached to others because then im scared ill leave them eventually. or they will leave me. so i'd rather avoid both possibilities. now, you're making me talk about myself, how dare you??
>>84772893
uh huh. best of luck doing that. also yes, i have been gone for a while, i dont really post as much as i used to. life and other reasons got in the way.

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>>84773033
>i dont want to get attached to others
But would talking about yourself make a difference so big in your relationship with the regulars who post here? Are you the type who gets emotional when it comes to your own feelings?
Also, don't you already have to reject some people even with your normal modus operandi? I would be surprised if you didn't.
>now, you're making me talk about myself, how dare you??
Come on, it's not like you're talking about stuff that's happening in your personal life or anything like that.

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>>84773144
>make a difference
realistically no, i dont think so. but would it make me feel uncomfortable? yes, most likely. it would make me feel like im being annoying, draining, a bother. even if everyone tells me im not, i still cannot bring myself to believe it and so i'd rather just never say anything at all about myself. i have no reason to anyhow.
>who gets emotional
rarely, most of the times i tend to become emotionless and act cold towards everyone who tries to comfort me or help. so you see how it's not really a good idea for me to vent here. when i instead am emotional, im too overwhelmed by everything and may say impulsive things that hurt other people
>don't you already have to reject some people
yes, and i feel a bit guilty everytime desu.

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>>84773207
>it would make me feel like im being annoying, draining, a bother
So your problem is actually just to steer a conversation towards yourself even when it resonates with something about you (like almost everyone does)? Do you still feel that way when such steer comes from the person which you're talking with? (e.g: "when X happens I feel Y, what about you?").
>say impulsive things that hurt other people
That's kinda unexpected coming from you, lol. Do you remember any example?

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>>84773313
>just to steer a conversation towards yourself
i guess so, i dont mind talking about the things i like and whatnot but when it comes to personal things then i avoid the subject, even if it's someone else asking me how im doing or whatever. i either go with a simple answer or ask how they're doing instead. there's some exceptions, usually im not against sharing personal experiences if it means helping someone else with their problems, but then i still feel kinda guilty
>Do you remember any example
yes. but i'd rather not.

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>>84773375
hello anon, how are you today? has something been on your mind? remember that it's okay to not do anything sometimes. dont be too harsh on yourself! what's something you're looking forward to this summer? I would like to know so don't need to feel guilty.
>but i'd rather not.
Okay okay.

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>>84773421
hmmmm. i've been okayish, i guess. im supposed to be happy i think but im not and i dont know why. which further makes me sadder.
>something you're looking forward to
nothing really. thanks for asking though. it's late here and i think i'll head to bed.


bye bye anons. thanks for talking with me today. i hope the rest of the week goes well for everyone!

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>>84773485
>im supposed to be happy
Now was the time where I would ask what happened for you to be supposed to feel happy but I think it's hard to answer when you're sleeping. Have good dreams, anon.
>i hope the rest of the week goes well for everyone!
Thanks, good night.

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>>84772804
>to think about it rationally
if i did that i wouldn't have these problems in the first place
>oh, you should've said so
you asked what we are looking forward in the summer and i said my birthday, i didn't say its right now or anything.. i dunno language is hard
>w its bad luck that i said it sooner! well, your loss!
d-dont do this to me. if its going to be ugly, its going to be really so and uhh i dont want to joke about this its not funny ;~;
bad luck fucking everything up yet again..
>deluding yourself things are fine goes a long way.
might just try to do that. there's nothing i can do anyways..

>>84773485
good night