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>>7888428

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>>7888429

>>7888430

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>>7888430
Shit

>>7888428
This is extremely generic

>>7888435
I feel bad for saying this but this guy is right. In addition, it’s too text heavy. I could have told this entire story with 1/10th the text and better framing + narrative detail

Words words words, with a couple accompanying doodles. I couldn't be bothered to read past the first page. The characters do have a nice energy to them in a goofy Scott Pilgrim way.

It's likeable.
The "fucking whore" bit doesn't seem to fit in with the rest at all, though.

>>7888428
ANON don't listen to these guys >>7888435 >>7888442 >>7888444
Push forward, you need to see what are you capable of, how fast can you do whatever you can do, keep going, keep creating room around you, you will evolve fast and naturally just putting out this as you're doing, almost like writing. This is amazing format-wise, keep churning out pages. I'm sure you will even get to stylize and simplify your stuff even further. Just keep letting this stuff flow, that's what matters, to flow, whatever shape it gets through out the process will come inadvertently

>>7888451
Excellent comment.

>>7888451
An evil man encourages someone to go in the wrong direction

>>7888428
>>7888429
>>7888430
>>7888434
I'm not sure what can really be said with only this much to go on. It seems fine for a start but I'm not invested without anything more to go on.

Needs more drawings, less text. But kudos for doing it. Drawing comics is hard and a lot of work.

>>7888430
Is "their class" refering to thief, or woman?

i found these enjoyable to read. im not a writer but the dialog feels really on target and the way things build with the introduction of the thief is nice.

the drawing execution is interesting, and the way the style slightly shifts between face closeups and full body is fun. The part where the paladin unsheathes his sword is iconic, sort of an "adventure time-esque" dramatic moment.
>>7888429

you've demonstrated that you can mix writing and drawing (which most people cannot do) and you just have an interesting thing going on with your drawings. Id say the lack of clarity with hands grabbing things is maybe the biggest issue (but every artist struggles with this, very hard problem to solve) but at the same time you have a style that circumvents any kind of critique for the time being; its more important that you just keep going with this story and concept (where characters with very different goals are "stuck" together) and not think about finessing the drawing or anything like that just yet

>>7888451
>>7888619
I can't tell if these guys are trolling OP or just don't really know much about art but want to give support to a fellow creative.

>>7888428
These are really more of an illustrated manuscript than a comic. I do appreciate the F it we ball attitude, thoughbeit. Despite it's flaws it's still better than endlessly wallowing in theory and practice and self doubt while never producing anything (like me). Make it exist first and then make it good, as they say.

>>7888428
>scribbly art
I don't read the comics of people who don't take their own work seriously.

>>7888768
Look out, we got a badass over here.

Japanese zine soul

>>7888451
>Op tells people to criticize
>Gets a few gentle critiques
>Nooooooo why are people criticizing this artwork!
I think you're taking this more serious than OP is, friend

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>>7888434
Posting the new 4 Pages, and i Will answer to you all. First of all, thanks for the feedback anons.

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>>7889076

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>>7889077

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>>7889078

>>7888435
anon wait, its just literally the first scene lol ahah
but maybe it is in the end.

>>7888451
I couldn't explain better. At some point i needed to move on from drawing unconnected doodles or real life portraits, and doing it is the only way.

My hardest handicap is that I activelly refuse to do anything digitally. I just never learnt and dont feel like doing it now, so let's find out how fast and good I can make something "that works" by hand, by myself.

>>7888502
I plan to upload pages in real time, but that might mean 4 a day at most, or even none if I dont find time to do it.

>>7888525
Hahahah Im glad i kept it ambiguous.

>>7888619
thanks for the review anon.

>The part where the paladin unsheathes his sword is iconic, sort of an "adventure time-esque" dramatic moment.

I was myself amazed at how it turned out haha


A little more about the work:

I plan to use different colors on each scene to illustrate the characters being on different lights (interior, morning, jungle, night, dawn, etc) but without going very realistic on it. Its more like a NES palette shift

This first chapter is aiming towards 24 pages or so. I have an actual big story in mind, of which this whole chapter is just the intro. Lets see how it goes. It might not seem obvious now, but the story is going into nsfw territories at some point.

about the wall of text, well, I guess it is what it is. Action scenes will probably have less dialog but on talking scenes, you have to have words xdd

>>7889076
Second batch felt way too wordy for what was trying to be communicated

I like the general concept of the art style and props for doing it all without digital, my nitpicks would mostly be about the story. Not much is established at all, it's kind of on the reader to understand that this is set in a medieval kind of JRPG world with a level system and now hexes for the overworld or something. Environments aren't shown and are barely implied and even the characters haven't really been shown in full either. It still mostly works for what it is, the whole thing not being very serious and all, but if you did more with the art then I think that would be beneficial. Honestly someone could really rip into this if they wanted to but I think most people will hold off considering the fact that you're at least making something, have a good sense of style, and are probably just doing it for fun rather than as a serious foray into the art industry. Kudos all the same.

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>>7888434
yay. more video games

>>7889623
>D&D ("video game")
KYS

>>7889630
same thing

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>>7889080
Only a single page today. I hope tomorrow i can draw the rest of the encounters

>>7889384
I trust the readers, they Will understand even if for a little. Those that dont get a shit wouldnt probably enjoy the comic anyway

>>7889870
So what kinds of things are you hoping to learn or receive critique on? Because if you just wanted to do like a storytime, /i/ or /co/ might have been better picks.

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>>7889630
I kinda feel bad for these zoomers today. they have a litany of utter shit to become influenced by compared to when I was a kid. the internet certainly didnt help. When I was 12, web 1.0 had just come out, and I never touched the thing. I was still fuckin with jules verne books and playing the microprose XCOM on msdos.

lil niggas these days are reading fucking litRPG's and korean isakeis... damn. and I thought pop culture was shit as a teenager

>>7890543
I remember saying that 90s music was shit during those years compared with 80s 70s and 60s music. Now I see the 90s was a golden era compared with what it came after.

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>>7889870

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>>7890789

>>7890375
Idk, just whatever you want to say about It. Any feedback is positive. I like It better like this (for actual people) than creating in a void

>>7890792
I'm not saying don't share it, I mean you don't seem to care about the Critique part of /ic/ so /i/ or /co/ would probably cater better to what you probably want out of this.

>>7890789
>>7890792
I can hardly tell the characters apart in these two images, they look like random scribbles

>>7891061
Nta but you might just be colorblind or maybe even regular blind

>>7890792
Anon this is amazing. You make it look so easy to tell whatever you want to tell, you just write and doodle it and it just works. You're fucking incredible dude, you have it, you can make this all day everyday and, on top of everything, this is all trad! So you are even creating real value while advancing on this project. Keep going man!

>>7891052
I never said i dont want critiques

>>7891092
Thanks anon!

Im stuck doing real world stuff today. I hope to do a couple more tonight

I'm enjoying it so far. Your handwriting is a bit hard to read though. I think it 10% more effort in that aspect would improve the experience for readers by a lot.

It's way too text heavy. Sequential art should never be more than 10% text, you're not writing a novel.

Two truisms you may treat as dogmas:
Show don't tell
Keep it simple, stupid

>>7891343
Fuck off. You're just retarded.

>>7888428
>>7888429
>>7888430
>>7888434
the art looks interesting enough if you'd learn to actually draw, but I ain't reading all that shit
comics aren't VNs with less effort

Kek, reminds me of when I was teaching middle school. Exact same thing the art teachers would send to the hyper markets for the expos, exact same format and childlike ignorance. That wasn't a compliment.

>>7891343
>Sequential art should never be more than 10% text
he says coming down from the mountain were he communed with scott mccloud

>>7891358
absolutely seething
what a miserable existence

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>>7891357
>comics aren't VNs with less effort

the chibi heads indicating whos talking is a big flag. its the most insufferably lazy trend that modern manga smeared out. I get the OP is like using markers or whatever but I mean its weird cuz theres composed panels sometimes and then none at all

OP i'm not gonna comment on the paneling and general comic knowledge but why not learn to draw first at least?

>>7891358
Are you feeling it mister crabs?

Nodraws bein' like: >>7891400

>>7890792
I at least read your stuff since most anons didn't bother. Why not try your hand at other creative endeavors like being a tabletop GM or something in the vein of that? You're clearly not serious about art or writing the story itself, maybe you might enjoy managing a world with players better.

>>7890570
the 90s was a golden era compared to what came before too, 90% of the dreck from the 80s people are nostalgic for in terms of music is genuinely quite bad and hyper reliant on the same tier of lazy studio tricks and copy pasted sounds that affect the worst common denominator pop nowadays, there's good stuff from back then but nothing that would've made it to the radio with any regularity

>>7891470
>You're clearly not serious about art or writing the story itself
wtf is wrong with you people? someone finally makes something and posts it and you bitter fucks crawl out of your holes to spit your venom onto it

>>7891582
I'm with you. Effort should be praised, and comics take a lot of effort

>>7891582
we have an entire general for this, you retard, you can literally read people's comics right now
what is this inane glorification of minimal effort, this is a critique board

>>7891582
>someone finally makes something and posts it
And got critiqued and didn't care and stayed here instead of going someplace where just making something would be seen as more than the bare minimum.

>>7891582
Effort? Effort you fucking retard? You call this piece of shit made with no rhyme or reason, no story continuity or even a shred of below average intelligible paneling, of which I could forgive to some extent, but no, this fucker somehow managed to squeeze in the most grammatically broken words I've ever laid my eyes on as well just to assault my senses on top of it all and you call this effort?
Am I supposed to hold this fucker to the same standard of effort like those of /trad/ that are painstakingly learning how to mix their oils, their drying times and how to layer in the paint or those of the animation general that are spending hours just to draw a couple of decent Inbetweeners?
Not only are there generals dedicated to comic making alone and just this alone, there are boards dedicated to just dumping shit willy nilly without anyone caring like /i/ without shitting up this board any further, but no, we can't even have that without you coddling retards arguing in an anime girl white void background about how "unfair" it is to call low effort garbage for what it is.
We can't have a single anon yell racial slurs saying
> READ FRAMED INKED NIGGER, SAGE (links to the comic or manga general).
With that being the end of it, no, what this board needs is this thing staying on the front page with everyone arguing calling this shit shit while the other side is counter arguing calling this a masterpiss in disguise with the next jackson polyps in the making about to descend on the world. The compliments are amazing too like this anon's >>7891357
> your drawing would look good if you could draw.
Like what the fuck do you want from us, the best critique this guy can get is to open a book and learn how to draw, how to panel and maybe a fucking book on the subject of English grammar. I'll at least give props to the anon for having thick skin and sticking around.
Also thank you for your service in shovelling more shit in the hovel, anon.

>>7891470
>tabletop GM

please dont. GMs are cringe enough as is

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>>7891582
yeah but... pixar "makes stuff" too but they don't automatically derserve praise. they have been on a steady decline for years now. honestly, giving props on the merit of "we should be glad ppl are just making stuff" is how we got into this low standard hellhole to begin with. I don't accept the premise

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Shutting up the "critics" with three simple letters.

>>7891643
It's kind of more impressive when one person makes something than when the multimillion dollar megacorp does

Thread should started with "study fundies" followed by some light encouragement posts, a crab shitpost or two, some "FPBP," then slowly die off until it archives on page 10.

>>7891660
Yeah, good for nothing no-draw sacks of shits get bat shit insane when they see someone who commits to something and enjoys it. I love this D&D comic scribbly dude.

>>7891662
I think it's neat but definitely rough around the edges. This thread seems to have started with some overly positive messages and overly negative messages with the two sides now competing to turn things into a teardown or a hugfest. It would probably have turned out differently if OP appeared to care about criticism or advice but he just brushes it off which makes the thread being on this board in particular come off as unnecessary. I like the style well enough for being evocative of old school vidya cutscenes and more power to him for making something but if the only thing OP wanted to do was post it and nothing else, there isn't much we can do for him here.

>>7891671
He wins just by posting and having fun. I like that about him.

>>7891674
I don't really see it as a winning or losing situation, but I guess that's one perspective to have.

>>7891635
I mean... you're not wrong but holy autism take it easy before you get an aneurysm bro

>>7891680
>before
Too late

>>7891635
Ma'am, this is a Wendy's.

>>7888428
The rendering and characters are (kinda) interesting but they need some form, maybe look at adventure time or other cartoons and see what works and what doesn’t.

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>>7888434
got a legitimate chuckle out of me, so it's already heads above every other game related webcomic
reading cursive is a pain though, you're not on the level of a doctors handwriting but it's getting there

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>>7890792

Lots of comments today!! Let me upload this and I'll read them all

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>>7891885

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>>7891399
>the chibi heads indicating whos talking is a big flag
>>7891249
>>7891737
thanks anons! That was one of my great worries, I am trying my best to improve my calligraphy for the new pages.

>>7891470
>You're clearly not serious about art or writing the story itself
how so?
>g no-draw sacks of shits get bat shit insane when they see someone who commits to something and enjoys it. I love this D&D comic scribbly dude.

>>7891891
>>7891674
hahah you remind me of >>7891891
meme. Thanks!!!


>>7891400
I am aware that my art is not very advanced but if the critique is "learn to draw first" I just cant do anything with it. I'd probably never make any comic if I had to learn to draw first to the acceptable level of somebody on 4chan. I'll, for sure, learn things along the way.

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>>7891662
>>7891737
>>7891583
and all the others, thanks! I will probably storytime elsewhere but as long as somebody likes it I am cool in here.

pic: some concept art of the upcoming episode. We are halfway the fist one now. I'd hopefully draw two more pages today

>>7891892
Don't worry, OP, I'm not mad at you. Good on you for drawing something. Check framed ink to know how to make appealing paneling, ease up on the text as well, it's too wordy and redundant at times. You should also check the comic/manga generals for actual critique on your medium.
I blew a vein over the retard I responded to instead, may he stay a prebeg for the eternity of his life and all his descendants after him, if he'll ever have any.

>>7892012
>ease up on the text as well
Don't listen to this illiterate retard, OP.

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>>7891886

>>7892045
The quality of your work is unreal, I'm on my knees anon. I think that if I have to bid for one of these pages, this one would be the one that I would try to get.

It's almost funny to see that these anons giving "advice" to you are totally oblivious of what they have in front of them.
It's a privilege to enjoy this on this board, thanks anon you are a generous god to share this with us and to be so gracious to withstand the barking of the silly ones around here.

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>>7892059
This has to be OP or bait.

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>>7892045

>>7892059
Hahaha thanks anon glad you enjoy It.
Naggers bump the thread, lets just ignore them

>>7892089
It's bait, but I do like the marker scribbles style.

>>7892089

Draw a fantasy village NOW with half as much SOVL as this hilled city, then.

>>7891659
why?

It's nice to see you doing more with the environments, keep up the good work.

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>>7892140

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>>7892712
Only this 2 today. Tomorrow, Will start the final scene of this first ep hopefully, about 8 Pages left

>>7892712
I can't read your handwriting. About 20% of those words are illegible.

>>7892712
if looks like a y
Idfas?
can't looks like can it or comit

if your're gunna use cursive at least do it right

>>7888428
i think its great
i love your artsyle
the writing is enjoyable, it makes for a fast page turner
areas for improvement imo;
please make the writing more legible/clean to read
i dont know if its really the amount of text or the size of the page or the actual composition of your pages... but having it be not AS text heavy would definitely help you optics wise for bitches who whine about reading alot