Thread #64904840
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how to remove honk from apartment parking lot
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>>64904840
You just stiff arm them, you dont want to grab its neck with your strong arm, but spread your palm open, arm outstretched and if it comes after you with its beak you just keep it at arms length, try catching its neck between your thumb and index finger and just push it away until it decides dealing with you isnt worth the effort
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>>64905182
>you dont want to grab its neck with your strong arm
I have been fantasizing about grabbing a goose by the neck (near the base of the skull) and windmilling it into the ground for years. It seemed like a foolproof way to prevent biting and inflict immense blunt trauma. What am I missing here?
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>>64905216
>It seemed like a foolproof way to prevent biting
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>>64905474
From my experience it's usually either people showing too much reaction to a goose hiss and thus looking bullyable to the goose or you're near their nest.
If a goose is regularly posted up somewhere a nest is usually nearby
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>>64904840
take lessons from the east
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>>64906441
Why do honkies honk, anyway? It seems like a built-in predator call. "HONK! Delicious food here! HONK! Come and eat me!"
Not even getting into the perversions practiced by Denmarkian economics professors.
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>>64906445
I suspect it has something to do with organizing their flight formation. When I watch them they honk and the smaller formations start fusing with the larger formation. I've also seen flying ones honk at swimming ones as a rallying call to come fly with their formation.
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>>64906458
Interdasting, I hadn't even mentioned that I was thinking of it because of all the incoming waves proudly announcing themselves as they flew overhead.
Like, I literally started hearing them from five minutes out. Didn't know what the noise was until they got closer. Then I was all like "why the fuck are they flying back here [Chicongo] in January?"
I do kinda wonder if any froze to death this month. We had one more cold blast for a few days, AFTER they all came back. I know a lot of them survived because they were on my lawn yesterday. Gonna have to start saving my Costco hot dog buns to throw at them again.
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>>64904840
>I'll do it...for free.
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>>64906587
>retriever
4 geese will chase that mf around the yard honking. Seen it happen when I was a kid and my dog got curious with the geese. Retrievers are good boy family dogs, but geese are aggressive enough that if there are a few of them they'll spook him.
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>>64906609
Its all fun and games till the goose catches the broom!
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>>64906596
No bullshit, when I was a kid, my neighbor had a massive golden retriever called King that just lived in his yard all year round.
King was tough as nails, with extremely strong hunting and guarding instincts, which is highly atypical for the breed.
If deer got into his yard, King would chase them down, kill them, and drag them all the way back home. Did the same to foxes too.
King fought moose more than a few times, although I don't know if he ever killed any of them, he always succeeded in driving them away from his master's apple trees.
King also annihilated every single outdoor/stray cat in the neighborhood, if a cat dared enter his yard, they were done for. Fucker must have killed something like 60 cats over the course of his (abnormally long) life.
He also mauled and/or killed a couple hunting dogs that were dumb enough to enter his turf. I actually saw him kill the last one.
At this point King was like 15 years old, mostly blind from cataracts, his teeth were worn down flat, and his joints were so bad that he struggled to walk.
But the instant he noticed an uninvited dog in his yard, all those health issues magically disappeared. He took off like a fucking rocket and pounced on the intruder. I would have never believed it if I didn't see it happen.
It wasn't even remotely a close fight. That other dog never had a chance, King ripped him to shreds in about a minute.
Despite all this, King was SUPER friendly to people. All the neighborhood kids could just run into the yard and pet him, he was always be happy to greet them and play with them.
Thank you for reading my blog post. Yes, right. I'd like a Big Mac and a medium coke, please.
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>>64906609
I hit golf balls at them at the range. There is usually a a decent sized flock meandering about on the range, so it herd them around with golf balls. It's good distance/target practice and fuck geese in general. I've only actually hit one, and it was with a wedge so obviously just pissed it off instead of ending it's faggot goose life.
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>>64906720
>>64906819
What sort of goose apologist faggots are you?
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>>64906445
They're big, and in animal world, size gives a lot of intimidating factor. Few predators want to risk messing with something too big for them, if they get injured or crippled, it's over, even if they win.
The biggest predators in my area are foxes and they only go after the rabbits or smaller prey.
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>>64904840
>Introduce Racoon, Racoon eats Honk eggs, Honk numbers decrease (slowly)
Most predators are smart enough not to pick a fight with an adult Honk that isn't visibly sick or injured, so your most efficient Zoological options is to target their eggs and young. Alternately . . .
>Acquire shotgun, remove Honk, cook Honk, eat Honk yourself
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>>64905474
It's just Canadians pretending it's normal because they're a protected species over there. Geese might have bird brains but they know there's an entire geographic region where humans won't hurt them. When they go anywhere else they don't act like cocky little shits because it ends badly for them.
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>>64906720
>>64906819
>faggot bird comes up, screams and literally attacks you
>you don't have some innate bestial desire to grab his dumbass neck and helicopter his ass into the floor for his insolence
I don't think he's saying he's going to kill every fucking goose he sees retard, I think he just like many others have this desire to put these cunt asshole birds in their place... in reality I'm gunna step to the bird and slap his shit in hopes it learns a lesson (it wont)
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tell the goose to go away
if he puts you in a self defense situation you must target his weak point
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Daisy Red Rider scares them off without making much noise anyone could notice. I used to shoot my BB gun at home while growing up via standing/sitting a few feet away from an open window into my backyard. No one outside will see you that way
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>>64906819
>taking internet hyperbole, no less 4chan hyperbole more than 1/8ths seriously
I love animals too, even used to volunteer at a humane society (probably will again eventually), but chill man
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>>64909025
There ought to be "intensive harvests" and special permits for hunters to hunt in more densely populated areas, like they do for deer, but for geese.
I wanna try wild goose meat, but living in the suburbs most of my life and seeing the literal garbage they'll eat, I have to imagine the meat sucks compared to how good it probably actually is.
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>>64906892
I have an unusual amount of experience in the subject becauseI loved feeding the ducks as an autistic child.
Canada geese are stupid easy to bluff. Everyone's on the right track basically. It's about confidence. Don't be afraid to match his charges too if he's truly stubborn. He isn't shit to a human, make him know.
This generally works on most geese but the chinese ones with a knob on their head are tougher customers.
Though the real big kahuna are these , called "African" but really just bass boosted chinese geese. They're motherfuckers
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>>64909124
Which is a bummer, because I could goose hunt 10 hours from civilization and that distance wouldn't matter since they're migratory. Every one of those bastards eats trash and chemicals most of the year. Same with duck, I want to try wild duck, but eating farmed animals that are typically game animals seems really weird to me for some reason
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>>64909128
Why do you think I have the experience with goose confrontation that I have?
Where there's ducks there's also geese, and they want what you're feeding the ducks.
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>>64909133
>>64909116
I really like ducks too. Think it was because my mom always talked about how she found them cute, must've rubbed off on me. They're pretty and benign animals
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>>64905474
My workplace is surrounded by their nests. One of them tried attacking an elderly couple recently and one of my coworkers football punted it as hard as possible from behind.
They're aggressive because they're not actually that dangerous. They have to do that (usually mates together) to stand any chance of defense.
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>>64909156
I think we call that proactive defense. Chihuahua dog behavior. Like another anon said, and I'm sure many here know, animals may seem aggressive, but most are absolutely terrified of physical conflict, as injury usually means death in the wild. Seem not worth the fight, and you'll be left alone...applies to people even.
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>>64909148
I used to have flocks of migrating ducks stop in the yard of one of my childhood homes and we'd feed them from a big bag of duck feed.
It was in Utah so they were probably resting before crossing the desert.
They'd peck the door in the early morning and leave after their rest.
It was nice, probably cemented my fondness
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>>64909185
Almost like unofficial pets. They end up being part of your daily routine, interacting with them. We had the same sort of arrangement with squirrels, my mom would open the window and put in-the-shell peanuts just inside the window til we had their trust enough to feed them by hand. Dad hated it, but my mom never gave a fuck, if she wanted to do something she did it
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>>64906720
>>64906819
Did the Canadian internet defense force show up? I can’t imagine anyone else being this faggy
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>>64907545
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>>64909185
NTA, a year or two ago I had some ducks hanging out in my backyard because I have a pond that I used to keep fish in. It was the highlight of that year(the last few years have been kind of shitty for me).
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>>64909459
>(the last few years have been kind of shitty for me)
Those little things are more important than ever in those situations, things like that compel one to the better times. Hope your life has improved since then.
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>>64909459
I hope the ducks visit you again, anon.
I know I miss the ones that visited me
>the last few years have been kind of shitty for me
I feel you. I think a lot of people do
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>>64909491
>It's the figuring out how to live again afterwards that's the hard part
just restart everything as if you got out of prison or you're 10 years younger again
that's the only way to move forward
in some ways, I'm there as well (all-new career, quit old relationship)
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>>64909498
I'm just happy to be outside of that insanity and misery now. For a man who thought he was dead, learning how to live again is a good problem to have all things considered.
I wish the best for you and all other anons in the new world we're entering.
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>>64904840
You stop being a fucking pussy and get over it. What do you think was there first; the migratory patterns of Geese; or your shitskin apartment complex?
You likely can't even read the signs posted around you. You'll be chopping up cats to eat by nightfall.
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>>64909439
This bitch will drop everything she's doing to go chase a duck. She caught one slipping yesterday at the park, but it managed to wriggle its way out of her mouth. The black dog is too old now and gives up. If it's got wings, Waffles is all for it. There's a heron she stalks, and if she's sees that fucker even from 200 yards away she's going after it.
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>>64910636
It's no matter. Though I don't hate geese really. But I agree they're frequently obnoxious dickheads.
I'm fond of all waterfowl really.
Diving ducks particularly but I hate to choose.
I saw one real closeonce by at a pier doing his thing it's very neat. Beautiful day too.
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>>64906445
Thry make great alarm systems. Roman, ancient chinese and into the present.
Honk honk.
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>>64910826
>black
>doesn’t do his job
Checks out. Cute dogs anon. I miss mine.
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>>64904840
Send the puck chads.
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>>64905216
>What am I missing here?
The fucking fact their wings can karate chop a foxes/yotes neck paralyzing them ON PURPOSE then the hoard comes to peck the shit out of it first going for the eyes.
Geese/swans etc are fucking strong those wing chops are no joke. You slip and fall it hits you in the throat you are gonna be doing more than gasping for dear life
There is a reason why farmers keep these satanic bastards as livestock guardians. They dont give a fuck they will charge and attack. You can literally watch videos of a big ass swan attacking a tiger and chasing it. The tiger is scared shitless because not only is it fighting back its chasing the tiger those wing chops hurt especially against the head/throat. They're loud as fuck and hiss. Smaller animals that show complete aggression with no fucks given make bigger animals nervous as fuck. You're a big animal thats gonna get hurt over something small with no meat, its not worth it.
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>>64906892
I've never even gotten hissed at. They usually wander away from me whenever I go out.
I did get to feed one on the grounds of Kensington Palace one time, though. Big flock of them were standing around, so I started tossing chunks of bread off my sandwich at one. It walked up to me and I'd give it some bread, then it would stamp its feet, so I'd give it some more bread. Kinda funny how it would get all stampy whenever it was waiting for more.
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>>64906874
We have coyotes.
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>>64909473
I'm Euro and I hate geese
If they were chill and left me alone I wouldn't have a problem with them, but they attack you while shitting themselves while you're trying to mind your own business
TGD and the same to seagulls and pigeons
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>>64911424
>We have coyotes.
Coyotes are smart enough not to pick a fight with an adult goose. They might be able to pick off a juvenile, but the adults aren't likely to let the young get far enough from the group for that to be practical for them.
>Raccoons eat eggs
>No eggs, no Honk
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>>64911421
>The fucking fact their wings can karate chop a foxes/yotes neck paralyzing them
No they can’t
>ON PURPOSE then the hoard comes to peck the shit out of it first going for the eyes.
No they don’t. They aren’t that smart nor are they predators.
>the tiger is scared shitless because not only is it fighting back its chasing the tiger those wing chops hurt especially against the head/throat.
Absolutely not. A 15lb bird isn’t hurting a tiger. A tiger is confused because smaller prey animals should be fleeing from it. That generally means it’s sick or not worth the effort so they avoid it. They aren’t scared and they sure as shit aren’t getting injured by a goose.
Nigger they are 15lb birds with hollow bones. They are dumb and aggressive. They aren’t anything else. Stop assigning superhuman qualities to a fucking bird.
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>>64911576
>they attack you
They are slow, awkward, and weak. You could easily fend one off with one hand while sipping coffee with your other hand. Geese are all bluff, and you, an animal many times their size and strength, are falling for the bluff and having an anxiety attack over it. Stop being a pussy, you pussy.
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>>64909459
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>>64906458
this is the most likely answer. I walk by dozens of geese every day to work, and usually when one or a few start honking, it acts as a sort of roll call to see if any other geese are feeling like flying to a new location. if they don't get a response, they usually stop; if they do, they'll get honk progressively louder and quicker until they reach a peak and lift off.
i've also seem them just honk to honk, but geese just do that
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>>64911857
Could also be wary of something it's species would never encounter in the wild.
>the fuck is that thing, did it hiss at me?
>snakes hiss, it might be a snake, I don't want to get bit by the maybe snake, it might be venemous
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>>64904840
Everyone in this thread is stupid.
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They are pretty dastardly creatures. This one was smart enough to keep a buddy on overwatch. Tried to stop me from getting back into the armory
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>>64909148
They're kinda neat but nasty. You could change their water every 15 minutes and they would still find a way to turn it all into nasty sewer water... I have chickens and couldn't handle having ducks. Never again.
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>>64904840
I've only had one bad experience with a goose
>be me
>on a date at a cemetery
>chick was into that kind of stuff
>going pretty well, geese all over the place
>checking out a grave, suddenly hear noise behind us
>turn around just in time to see a goose flying directly at me
>I duck, goose flies over me
>fling my hand up to try and swat him out of the air
>near miss
>stand up, turn to face the goose
>he's on the ground now, advancing on me
>stand my ground
>point at him and yell "NO" like I'm scolding a bad dog
>goose changes course, walks away sulking
>chick thought it was badass, we had good laugh about it
>got lucky later
tl;dr stand your ground and yell at them, show them you're willing to fight, and they'll just fuck off
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>>64906819
Was a park ranger for 9 years and geese are some of the biggest assholes of the planet. I have watched them drown baby ducks for no fucking reason. Most animals I hate seeing dead but I feel nothing when I see a dead goose. Fuck them.
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>>64904840
This bad boy is all you need
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>>64904840
I have never once seen aggressive geese. They are so docile here (germany) people walk up to them for selfies. They literally don't even care if you go up to their nests. Must be a fundamental difference in aggression between different na and eu geese.
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>>64912408
>geese and swans have been known to injure humans,
Some minor cuts hardly qualify as injuries
>they can hit hard enough with their wings to break small bones.
Lol bullshit unless it was a toddler. Show two examples.
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>>64912784
My 5 year old had a phase recently were his penis was "weird".
>My penis is weird
>No, your penis is normal. You know what does have a weird penis...a duck.
So I explained that ducks have a corkscrew penis, and he spent the next 2 weeks saying "ducks have a weird corkscrew penis" to everyone who would listen.
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>>64915875
It's all fun and games until a golden retriever runs up on you, bites your neck and drags you ashore.
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>>64904840
don't dogs love to chase them?
call up a dog walking service and invite them over.
you might meet a cute chick
put out something with booze, for the birds not the dog walking chick
I'm thinking some canned corn with sugar and whisky or vodka.
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>>64916543
heh
I might have been just a tad sheltered growing up; we only propped those up on a bit of brick and shot them skyward. so I never knew why they were called "bottle rockets". I only found out when we had a plague of crows.
my mum asked my dad whether she ought to call the exterminator. my dad grinned and said "go get me a Coke, a lighter, and dig out the New Year party box"
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>>64905216
If anyone sees you do it you're buttfucked because messing with migratory birds outside of hunting season is a felony except in specific circumstances, and I learned that the hard way after grabbing one by the neck and throwing it into a lake because it was being a nigger only for it to come back a second time wewuzzing its nuts off so I had to grab it a second time and spin it around over my head and throw it back into the lake with a broken neck. Some bitch watched it happen and called the cops who called the game warden who explained all of this to me while I was in cuffs sitting on my grandmas front porch doing my best dindu impression apologetically until I got let go with a warning instead of a felony.
Realistically, creative use of lasers would be enough for them to fuck off.