>>42788570
I've never repressed.the moment I found out I was trans, was the moment I started making appointments for hrt.

>>42788570
literal psychosis

>>42788570
took shrooms. realized i didn’t want to be a john50

>>42788592
same pretty much, but then i just repressed while on hrt
>>42788594
how do i induce psychosis so i can stop repping?
>>42788608
i’ve done heroic doses of acid and it didn’t fix me

>>42788570
i was going bald and people started calling me "sir"

>>42788612
i'm probably bipolar/schizophrenic it doesn't just happen

>>42788570
I was working a crappy job and realized "this is it, this is all there will be and the only reason I'm still repping is because of my parents" so i trooned

I ran out of options to cope.
I thought I "grew out of it" at 20 as the studies say that most gnc kids grow out of it. A decade later hit me harder than ever. Then the next 7yrs I tried everything except religion to cope.
Got tested for every single common mental disorder for trannies. Got none of them. I am (and was) perfectly functional except for really wanting to be a woman.
The only benefit from the whole ordeal is that I can afford financially to "sprint" through transition. Got the official diagnosis in the autumn of 2025, started hrt in January, already schedule for ffs in late march, I'll probably be able to woman mode this summer already. Genetics has been kind to me all things considered and I'm fine overall. Except I can no longer hang out with reppers, lol.
I'll be post op before 2030.
I really wanted to be possible not to have to do this. But not doing it was killing me. Even if I fail, at least I will have tried very honestly. But I won't fail 'cause I ain't a quitter.

>>42788570
I was never really a repper I just have agp and decided to take E at a time when I was particularly depressed bc I thought it would cheer me up

>>42788820
how are you just going to become a woman like that? with no experience?
>>42788807
and then what happened?

>>42788889
>and then what happened?
I got a better job, moved out, parents found out i was trooning and told the rest of the family and send me schizo letters and call and show up at my apartment to tell me I'm going to hell for being trans. I just manmode now but have some supportive friends

>>42788889
>how are you just going to become a woman like that?
The physical part is genetics and money. I have both.
>with no experience?
Three layers:
1. I actually do have a feminine personality anyway (I can barely chat with guys for more than 3 minutes)
2. I have enough cisf friends and a loving cisf partner who are helping me with the immediate stuff
3. Patience. Life is long, actually.
Once I broke the mental blockage, things started falling into place rather neatly. Sure, I won't be a perfect passoid in 3 months or even in 3 years. But I will age as a woman, that's for sure.
The disadvantage of being a lateshit is that I missed a lot of the fun. The advantage of being a lateshit is that the thresholds for passing are more personality-wise and mannerisms, rather than being giga cute. I happen to have what it takes for those. Sure, not everything, but more than enough to get the ball rolling.

>>42788912
would you say your life is better now? will you girlmode?
>>42788945
i’m going to kill myself i think

Covid. Thought omg im gonna die before i get to be my true self.

Now here i am, got a vagina and tits

>>42788570
>13
>it's just a phase
>15
>it's just a phase
>18
>it's just a phase
>22
>i don't think it was a phase

>>42789030
>would you say your life is better now?
Yes. Despite it all, I do not regret trooning
>will you girlmode?
Not to work. Not the type of place that being openly trans would be okay. Occasionally would on certain occasions. I prefer casual wear. Women are still clearly women while wearing jeans a shirt, and lots of women wear that much of the time

>>42789099
I did this crap. Awful mistake for the most part, but it's not like my family was safe to come out to anyway

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>>42788570
>MFW femboy on HRT since teens
>MFW used to be redpilled but now increasingly admit I’m probably a troon in denial
>but it’s okay since femboy repression is best repression
Genuinely can not understand how other men with dysphoria would let male aging ruin their bodies.

>>42789045
i can’t comprehend

>>42789196
I grew up in a very brutal environment. Teeth broken, nose broken, violence everywhere. Any femininity was beaten out of me.

So when i transitioned i did it thinking if i die i die. Legit glad you cant comprehend, experiencing violence isnt glamorous

>>42789211
if the femininity was beaten out of you then how did you socially transition?

>>42788570
This is the worst case for me. If I was with a dude like Tyler and he trooned out... I.. I may have to end up in jail. This is legit such a fear of mine with dating these days since everyone is a fucking crypto troon.

>>42789192
>but it’s okay since femboy repression is best repression
nta
It's the least bad, ig.
I've been hrtwinking for 11 yrs. But I might have to soon just give in and live as a foid because I'm no longer believed when I say I'm not one.
>Genuinely can not understand how other men with dysphoria would let male aging ruin their bodies.
Zero dysphoria here. But the idea of aging like dad was a great motivator to start shooting girljuice.

>>42789265
Like i said, if i die i die.

Just basically allow myself to feel feminine energy, there was a huge block on the feminine side of me, because that lead to pain and violence.

And i had to accept, yeah it will lead to pain, but im still gonna do it anyway. And now im much happier within myself

>>42789304
i can’t comprehend
why don’t you just continue repressing?

>>42788570
Dr Goldburg says this person is sane and scientifically a woman!

>>42789318
Because i thought i was going to die during covid. And if im going to die i might as well go out as who i truly am

>>42788608
Just dont masterbate 5 times a day and you wont be a john50

>>42788570
kept jacking it to sissy hypno while taking amphetamines and smoking weed
eventually started fucking my ass to bnwo content and decided to dedicate my life to black supremacy
I'm just a pathetic fuck animal
normal people don't listen to those files
i can still hear the robotic voices in my head if i happen to see or hear a trigger phrase
the mantras loop in my head sometimes
it's very objectifying and watching this during my developmental years has probably fucked me up
ironically enough though I'm too insecure to actually just throw myself at people
anyways, yeah I'm the satanic degenerate you were warned about
yes i want to die, no I'm not stopping hrt

>>42789328
>hating jews and hating trannys

I bet your feet stink

>>42789348
>foot fetish
So male brained

>>42789291
I do not want to give in just yet. I bind, I had my hair chopped, I dropped to sub 20bmi to keep gauntness and do cardio obsessively.
And yet I’m tired
I don’t know why
>Zero dysphoria here
I don’t have dysphoria
I’m just scared of the basedjak/want to keep my twinkyness

>>42789355
Your feet are gross like your face

>>42789099
same except I was thinking its just a phase until 28

>>42789340
even when i was actively trying to kill myself, transition still seemed worse

>>42788570
My balding progressing made me realize I wasn't 'accepting the hand I was dealt' as much as refusing to fight back cause I was terrified of the consequences of winning.

Realistically I have nothing to worry about I'm like a 2.5/10 as a guy so HRT won't do enough to be an issue. I have been motivated enough to lose weight, take care of my skin, and do more than panic about being old as hell everyday (31). That alone makes it worth it.

>>42789396
>My balding progressing
Baseditis

>>42789363
>And yet I’m tired
>I don’t know why
Estrogen isn't particularly conducive to sustained physical effort.
Also, you're getting old (as do I). Girljuice keeps us looking younger (I sometimes get accused of identity fraud, lol) but it's not magic. The inside of our bodies still do age slowly.
Being sub 20bmi is also not conducive to sustained physical effort either.
Being thin and cute is a privilege for the elite, historically speaking.
>I bind, I had my hair chopped
You do you. I would never chop my hair. I had long hair since age 8 or something. I don't think there are many people still alive other than my parents who ever saw me with short hair.
Unironically I'd pass as a butch dyke if I were to chop it.
>I’m just scared of the basedjak/want to keep my twinkyness
I gotcha. I was replying to this comment of yours:
>Genuinely can not understand how other men with dysphoria would let male aging ruin their bodies
My point is that men without dysphoria are still weird for letting male aging ruin their bodies.

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>>42788570
I was military repping and "deployed" (in quotation marks because I never had to go anywhere shitty) and I had extremely long hair id slick back. I went out to eat with my commander and some other guys and there was a yukata/kimono on the wall and because we were off duty i washed out whatever shit I used to put in my hair so it was just down normally. My commander cracks a joke like "haha we should put you in that" as in "haha your hair is out of regs stupid faggot" and yeah anyway when I got backed I trooned out. It was kinda like the straw that broke the camels back cuz I had been struggling for a while and just broke down but I have been a way happier person ever since

He was very hot btw

>>42789479
what are you like now?

>>42789395
It isnt worse. Death is worse. Living death is worse. Transition is the light

>>42789479
>My commander cracks a joke like "haha we should put you in that"

His dick was rock hard when he said that

>>42789511
i can’t do it

>>42789550
You can, you're stronger than you realise

>>42789631
i don’t have it in me. the idea of trying to be a woman sounds so alien and miserable to me

>>42789030
>i’m going to kill myself i think
Why? I'm literally laying out the map on how to make it as a gigalateshit.
It's rarely "too late" (that's just zoomers who are afraid of aging).

>>42789716
when you said you have cisf friends and partner, that’s what made me want to kill myself. i cannot bring myself to even look women in the face

>>42789734
>i cannot bring myself to even look women in the face
oh welp. I cannot bring myself to even look men in the face, lul.
Work with what you have, anon.
Don't do like me. I waited and hoped for the ideal conditions which never came. I was 100% sure my partner would simply leave me and my friends would be disgusted. And I was 100% wrong. Fuck knows what else I've likely been deeply wrong about.
There's compromises/trade-offs to everything. But roping is always the wrong answer. The second wrong answer is perpetual repping. I know from decades of experience unironically.

>>42788570
I had a very stupid idea about what it meant to be trans. When I got correct information I realized that's what I was and came up with a plan.

>>42789734
Sweetheart gynophobia is pretty common in repressed trans women.

>>42789450
>Also, you're getting old (as do I). Girljuice keeps us looking younger (I sometimes get accused of identity fraud, lol) but it's not magic.
Pls no
I still get called a cute boy without prompting and disbelief over how I could be holding my job.
I don’t want to deal with aging out of twink status but I know it’s inevitable and I’m running low on time.
>Girljuice keeps us looking younger
I don’t want to call it that since on some level I’m still primed to seeing it as a humiliation but even constant levels of estrogen are unusually good at preventing fine lines and keeping a baby face. It’s not going to work forever though. At least I’ve had a good run and dodged twink death to a ridiculous degree.
>conducive to sustained physical effort either.
When I said I’m tried I meant in spirit more than body. Im directionless and have nothing else once the boy era ends.

The cardio was to feel stronger and delay twink death
The calorie restriction makes me weaker but I think it delays twink death too
The use of antioxidant(c) serums and supplements, seneolytics also delays twink death
But this is just delaying the inevitable
>dysphoria
You know what, maybe I do maybe I don’t, idk . My goal was keeping things the same. And since I’ve always been lithe and fem troon like stuff kept things more same than not. By this point of being tried though I’m starting to wonder if things would just be easier and I’d stop missing out if I womanmoded.
> I would never chop my hair
I’ve had short hair a lot, didn’t stop people from thinking I www a girl when a kid. I just don’t really care much about my hair. It seems like the most common trutherim about me is that I’m ftm. Which is weird because it feels like having looped around through the looking glass.

>>42789508
I feel like Ive been masculinized beyond belief because I tried to gymcope too while I was in the military. Id probably say Im like a twinkhon or twunkhon if I were to use tttt terms. I get gendered female pretty often even in boymode but I definitely look trannyish. I dont think its people just being nice because I live in a pretty transphobic area but at the same time Idk how people can see me as a woman with my giant shoulders and no hips.

Despite the brainworms, mentally Im probably the best ive ever been though. Repressing held me back so much and Id constantly burn out cuz I had no will to live. Ive accomplished so many educational and career goals since then so transitioning was literally life saving for me even if I wish I couldve transitioned sooner (I trooned at 24)

>>42789524
Life is (sadly) not yaoi :(

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>>42788570
Just lost the fortitude in a really weak point
Figured might as well keep taking e even as an abominable grotesque waste of space, im in a really rural place so i can never be true to myself anyways but it slightly helps make the mirror more bearable and less spiral inducing
Just slightly
On the bright side i can become a cool vagrant in the future
I wish i was real

>>42789963
>I don’t want to deal with aging out of twink status but I know it’s inevitable and I’m running low on time
At 39 I'm (probably?) older than you.
The reason I have no intention of stopping is because while I won't be a cute boy, I will continue to look much younger than my biological age. And overall the aging pattern is less harsh.
>Im directionless and have nothing else once the boy era ends
Do you have a youth-looking dependent job or something?
Otherwise, life just goes on, anon.
I got a job as sysadmin for a large supermarket chain in Europe (literally a tranny stereotype now that I think of it). The people in my country treat me as a guy (because they always knew me as such) but when I talk to the "center" they assume I'm a professional woman. The guys from here even got a pat on the back for having a woman in such a techy role ahahahaha. We all had a good laugh about it.
Believe me when I tell you that life is really long. And most of it you're not gigayoung.
>things would just be easier and I’d stop missing out if I womanmoded
Likely good point in the long run.
I started casually womanmoding last summer a lot more often (used to do it very rarely, just for fun/cosplay purposes). Had my mom teach me how to dress like a 35yo woman and this winter I bought quite a few fem outfits.
On one hand it does feel forced but, on the other hand, the trade-off is still worth it. I'm fine being addressed in the feminine and my bf finds me hot either way. So I don't have much to lose.
Atp I have much more to lose if I continue to try to play cute boy. If you still pass as an ftm, then you can keep on doing it. But I simply look like a late 20s average foid.
So my options (and yours in the future, likely) are:
- womanmoding quasi-permanently
- stop hrt [unacceptable in my case]
- explaining 5+ times a day "akchually, I'm a boy" [gets tiresome and maddening from a point onwards]
- get fat(ter) and thus uglier [fugly fat people aren't particularly dymoprhic]

I was single and sexless for five years and thought; Why am i being a man for? Women? I cant be confadint as a man flr them as i am. Ageing as a man sucks. I might as well look how i wanna

>>42789870
how to fix?

>>42788570
I didn't want to transition because my only goal in life was to have a kid and give them the childhood I wasn't allowed to have. Once I hit my 30s and realized it too late for that I had nothing to stop me.

>>42788570
I thought it was what I wanted. I just spent a few years thinking about it. And I thought there was no point staying a repper, since I would never date anyway
But after a couple years I changed my mind and detrooned

bump

>>42788570
gymbros shouldn't be allowed to troon, they always look like freaks

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>>42790112
>I'm (probably?) older than you.
You are but not by much.
It’s disturbing when I realize how much of my life I’ve spent on HRT while also going “I’m a guy”.
>while I won't be a cute boy
MFW
>Do you have a youth-looking dependent job or something?
Less now than before but it still helps in my current gig as a college professor (I survived long enough to get a doctorate).
There’s novelty to a twink/femboy professor and I have people signing up for my classes just because that, I use showmanship for my classes and genuinely, I probably get cut slack for whatever incompetence if people say I look 17. The other tenured professors (job is extremely female dominated) kinda treat me like their son and leave me food so it’s nice.
My impression is normal men wouldn’t be treated as well. Not that I could ever bring myself to masculinize now (if it’s even practical).

I don’t want to actually troon either as rn, being on the boy side of liminal u get treated as cute and harmless (this still applies when they think im ftm). I’m pretty sure despite my workplace being openly woke, if I mtf trooned I’d instead be seen as an interloper and usurper. Not good, I’d want to crawl in a hole then.
>just for fun/cosplay purposes
The only reason I have in the past. Well that and people asking it.
I do not want to do it, I’m sure it’s anxiety inducing. Worse yet, I don’t actually know how to do it. I spent so much time in ‘I’m a guy’ and minmaxing twink fashion that I never thought about how it would work if a woman.
>Likely good point in the long run.
Maybe but the logistics make it seem impossible. Not only is it not something I would enjoy but I wouldn’t know how to handle the dress or explanation or anything.
it’s easier to cling to boy mode than do this wrong. I even identify as male so why not.

>>42788570
I wish she would wrestle again...

>>42788820
How the fuck did you get scheduled for FFS that fast. Waitlists for anybody worth going to are 2-3 years

>>42788820
Except your rib cage, and shoulders, and hips. How can someone live with this even when repressing?

>>42789479
Why does the military sound like a BL story?
I was writing some Mishimaesque/Brontesque story set in WW1 and this is gayer.
I don’t mean that in any bad way.

>>42792592
As I said, genetics have been very kind with me.
My rib cage circumference is ~80cm, shoulders are in the median human rather than median male and at a healthy weight I do have an hourglass shape. Not fantastic, but good enough to work with for this project.
>How can someone live with this even when repressing?
Life happens and happened.
And, as I said, from age 20 to 30 it didn't bother me at all. I legit "grew out of it" until... well... it all came back.
I should've started in 2022 but I thought that if I grew out of it from late teen years, maybe I can do it again. I found out the hard way that that's not how this works.
No point in being resentful now. I did get some benefits from it too so there's that.

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>>42794068
>My rib cage circumference is ~80cm
I need to kill myself

>>42792372
I scheduled it in September in Spain.
It's amazing how many things one can achieve if one has the money.
I don't have to rely on insurance.
The waitlists for those paying cash aren't that long on ffs in Europe for EU citizens. I will have to wait a lot longer for srs tho even with money. But that's okay. I repped for so long that this is trivial comparatively speaking.

>>42788570
when puberty finished robbing me of emotional range depth texture ect i was no longer able to maintain the act effectively
years of breakdowns and body language fuckups made the truth too obvious to lie about

>>42792103
>It’s disturbing when I realize how much of my life I’ve spent on HRT while also going “I’m a guy”.
I feel you. Though I don't find it disturbing. It's just something I do. Brain has been swimming in estrogen for so long that it's not an issue anymore.
>college professor
Yeah, that's a tricky one. Easier than in fashion or porn, but harder (ironically) than in a quasi-working class environment.
My "chud" workmates like their estrogenized faggot. It helps that I'm not woke or even a normie leftist, lol.
>My impression is normal men wouldn’t be treated as well
You are right about that, for sure. It's not even a question, holy shit. Both women and men treat me better than they treat normie men.
>despite my workplace being openly woke, if I mtf trooned I’d instead be seen as an interloper and usurper
reasonable concern.
Although you could lean into double life for a lot longer? Like change legal ID to avoid having to deal with weird convos with strangers but otherwise change nothing at work?
>womanmoding
>I don’t actually know how to do it
That's what women friends are for.
>it’s easier to cling to boy mode than do this wrong. I even identify as male so why not
yep, it is easier. Until it's not.
All I'm saying is slowly get ready for the inevitable. The moment will come. Whether it's in 5 or 10 years for you (maybe you're even luckier than me), it will still come.
I've made peace that I'll age out socially as a foid. My bf is really happy with that because we'll have enough money in a year or two to buy a bigger house as a married couple (gay marriage isn't a thing here - but masc x troon is permitted).

>>42789099
imagine this shit being a real discussion in your mind before your 20s

>>42788570
I saw the photos of me from my best friends wedding. I was the best man and it was on a boat so my shitty thinning hair was really on display in masc clothes. Within a year I broke down and wrecked my life and then since my life was wrecked I had nothing to lose.
Came out at 28, hormones at 30, 34 now and my hair is almost completely filled back in.
Best choice of my life

>>42795178
I don't have to imagine, if my family wasn't so retarded about gay stuff i would've trooned out at 15 and had SRS at 18

>>42789396
Good luck anon I was in a similar boat, 3 years in and it did a lot more than I expected it to and was forced out of boymode by my body

>>42794217
80cm is hon tier. im less than that and still a neverpasser

>>42795376
but besides the hair, how’s life as a tranny?>>42795401
weak

>>42795414
>80cm is hon tier
Not in my country.
Also, the rest of the body helps too.
Sure, I will never be a super model, but I don't have to. I'm looking at being a 40s, 50s and beyond woman. The physical standards are different than for terminally online youngshits.

>>42795504
I live in Chicago so fucking awesome, I've always been a social person but I made a lot of mistakes in my twenties repping so this has been really wonderful. I'm a mom so my life isn't as wild as it could be but I go out on Thursdays nights to a bar and hang with an entire bar of trans people when I have a sitter. Recently went to a midnight showing with two of my friends to see Blade which they had never seen. My coworkers basically intervened and were like we all know did you not know we all know? So now I'm out or at least semi out at work to all my coworkers and even the chud has been chill about it. I dont have issues when I'm out and about being a mom and most folks are pretty friendly.
Id say transitioning made me realize how bad I fucked my 20s because of how great my 30s have been my only real regret is not starting sooner like maybe 19 or 22 and banking sperm

>>42795643
nta but absolutely based.

t. rooning at 37

>>42795643
but you’re still a weird tranny freak tho?

>>42795414
Start corsetmaxxing

>>42788570
Realizing how dissociative I was day to day

>>42796423
and transing fixed that?

Is it possible to maintain sexual health in a straight relationship trooning?

>>42795643
i trooned at 25 but im literally just a shut in and all i do is take my pills and stay on the computer. i feel so bad. i wanna go out and be around other trans people BUT I CANT

>>42788570
i have no idea actually. something happened(idk what) a few months ago that prompted me to load up /lbgt/ for the first time ever and i found /hrtgen/ then learned about diy mono and since i already had crypto i just ordered and started immediately. i know another site i frequent added an /lgbt/ board too but that was almost a year ago, and then my twitter algo started recommending more trans stuff. but i had been repping for over a decade and accepted it.

i think it was a combo of seeing a boymoder at work and psyopping myself into thinking my hair was thinning even though it wasnt and then the /lgbt/ board on my favorite site getting bumped to the top of the overboard and seeing a really pretty girl on twitter and thinking woah you can just do that. i know i actually came here with intent but idk what provoked it. since then i see trans stuff everywhere and even links to diymarket in the wild and im just like wtf why couldnt that have happened years ago this makes zero sense. it was like automated possession i even forgot i ordered the vials for a sec

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>>42794315
>tricky one
It’s okay, I probably want to branch out to something else but for now, the socal aspects are close enough to stuff I’m good at. Even using choral resonance for lecture works great.
This is not a safe long term gig for me tho
>Both women and men treat me better than they treat normie men.
Yeah and this makes me anxious, mostly about the future. I didn’t plan to end up in a very female dominated job either. Dark thought but I think I’m much more adept at those spaces than standard men.
>change legal ID
It’s not practical not only do I like presenting male (I if I went full into the FtM gambit it might work), but my state also wants SRS for it.
Admittedly if I did go down that path bottom surgery and light FFS (don’t need/want anything other than light shaves and I want my face to look like my face) would make sense but it’s structured in many ways as a ‘last step’.
>friends
I lost my last friend group because I threw a fit when I felt they were bullying me into trooning. TBF they were violating my agency even if it was intended to help me.
I’ve been way more discrete about my issues since. That’s actually when I started keeping my hair short, that and being sexually assaulted when it was longer.
>My bf
I think I’m probably screwing myself over by being too rigid in going ‘I’m a guy’. Short hair and trying to stack up on as many male coded ques as possible

I didn’t stop HRT ofc, but after everything that happened, I deliberately defeminized. Probably out of spite. I don’t really regret picking up a lot of guy skills I lacked but maybe it didn’t benefit me long term.

Okay well actually almost getting a mastectomy was what caused my fallout with my old group. I would, I really would since they bother me much but I might need them for the end game so I bind instead.
>>42795414
>78 cm ribcage
Fuck
It’s a very good thing I’m a twink and not a troon.

>>42788570
Started doing a bunch of stuff to mimic trooning out (losing weight and building muscle to look fem), getting fem hairstyles, crossdressing, learning makeup. Realized pursue all of these things was the only thing that gave my motivation to take care of my body, at that point I was like fuck it we should just troon out before aging gets rid of any soft gains I got.

>>42798667
>Dark thought but I think I’m much more adept at those spaces than standard men.
It's not dark. It's just the truth. And there's nothing wrong with taking advantage of this trait for your benefit.
Maybe your country is different but in my corner of eastern Europe the working class dudes are far more relatable than the wokies (who are minuscule in numbers and mostly deranged).
>my state also wants SRS for it
used to be the case here as well. Now 3yrs on hrt and 1 yr RLE is enough. I already had my endo friend cough up a certificate last year in case I need it. Legally I've been on hrt for less than a year, kek.
I still don't entirely rule out srs. My bf lowkey thinks it's hot but doesn't pressure me either way. Besides, for now it's too expensive given that we want the house to be paid off fast (we're aggressively saving up to avoid using too much credit).
>light FFS
already did that. It seems that on a scale from -10 to +10 you stayed around +1 and I stayed somewhere around -2. Imperfect analogy, I know, but basically I got my masc skills early (military included) and then just slow walked into feminization without hurry.
> I don’t really regret picking up a lot of guy skills I lacked
You have no reason to regret.
I embrace being malebrained while looking like a foid. I can always be (and am) one of the boys but also relate quite well with butch types and countryside tomboys.
>but maybe it didn’t benefit me long term
The world is not a 4chan board. You'll be fine.
>78 cm ribcage
>It’s a very good thing I’m a twink and not a troon
Do keep in mind that size 32-34 in bra size is in fact very common in cisfoids. People on this board are simply crazy.
Perfectly fine cisfoids don't "pass" on this board.
Seriously, anon, take a chill pill.
Maybe it's the estrogen talking, but taking everything easier and with less rigidity made my life better in every respect.
Try relaxing a little bit. I'm very serious. Listen to the slightly older estrogenized fag.

>>42795643
i trooned at 22 and I'm a batshit insane shutin now at 28
i have a history of high risk behavior and hormones haven't fixed me not that i expected them to
i pass well enough that i feel pressured to use the women's restroom even when i feel like a gigaogrehon malebrained ngmi troon and feel the pull to hurt myself
idk I'm really fucking hoping i can start being a more well adjusted person soon

>>42799026
>idk I'm really fucking hoping i can start being a more well adjusted person soon
That's not something that will happen to you, it's up to you to become one. I wasted too many years waiting for life to happen to me instead of living it.

>>42788608
INterdasting. When I took shrooms it made my life easier to rep.

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>>42798834
>It seems that on a scale from -10 to +10 you stayed around +1 and I stayed somewhere around -2.
If by that you mean cling to twink/femboy mode, yeah. Basically.
The bizarre thing is that starting ‘early’ (at least for repper standards since few would probably risk their height growth) probably kept me from feeling too much distress over my social role or body so I never had an incentive to change.
Other people who rep till they get dysphoria have an incentive to figure out girl mode, get surgeries and fully transition.

It’s the wierd situation where taking HRT kept me from trooning. Whether that’s good or bad idk.
>My bf lowkey thinks it's hot but doesn't pressure me either way
Someone I was close to kept telling me I was too fem to survive without trooning (before I behaviorally spite masculinized) and had offered FFS/SRS. I did not take and things fell out because I’m stubborn about my maleness and he didn’t care for my twink mode.
I’m pretty sure his motivations were partly fetish, but he genuinely thought I was going to die if I didn’t troon.

Joke is on him since when different people tried to bully me into trooning I finally forced myself to learn how to be a guy and I’m not dead yet.
>but basically I got my masc skills early (military included) and then just slow walked into feminization without hurry.
I didn’t get those foundational experiences. Idk if I missed something. I think I missed out on a lot of adult male (and female) socialization. Thinking about it even my current act is based on how I think cool men act. This is probably a big reason why I come off as ftm.

I must have spent enough time in settings that don’t punish you for being gnc/weird. I feel like you’ve got to do more than me.
>Do keep in mind that size 32-34
I’m starting to worry that my current hobby of long distance running is making my rib cage wider. All the breathing, which I need a ton of to sustain a run might put muscles on or worse.

>>42788570
a little voice inside me said "I want to die" every day for 15 years
one day it said something else, "save me"

I was genuinely at the point of troon out or kill myself. Transition saved me

>>42789192
my bf is also an hrt femboy and has been since he was 17. he's been questioning if he's actually trans, and i'll love him either way.

>>42801407
Yeah, I think it’s worth saying they’re different from usual repressors.
And actually using that term assumes their gender is invalid so probably shouldn’t even.
He probably has long game concerns

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Just imagine your old self. Are you a grandpa or a granny? Which one you want to be?

>>42801517
dead
>>42801297
how was transitioning?

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>>42801517
Pls no
I feel horror when I think that far ahead. Either I’ll be dead or my brain will be in a jar.

I’ve been able to dodge twink death unnaturally long. I’m just going to delude myself into thinking I’ll beat the odds

>>42788570
dysphoria just wore me down over the years and i felt horrible and empty inside which led to me having a breakdown in the middle of the night
that night i swore to myself i was going to finally just give it a shot and see what happens and i'm glad i did

also finding this board helped me understand being trans from a non-reddit angle which was incredibly helpful

i was half repping as a metrosexual for a while but the facial hair really got to me also having a penis and being put in a sexual situation with a woman made me want to kill myself more than i already wanted to for having a penis in the first place which i thought was pretty damning so i transitioned

>>42796916
Yes, you have to be sexually exclusive, get a standard sti test, and also get a western blot test for herpes, it can lay dormant and if you're immunocompromised herpes can lead to death.

Also get a HPV vaccine. Dont sleep around, most chasers are diseased

>>42802828
Nah im married, but she loves penetrative sex, and id really hate to disappoint her

>>42802843
Still get tested. Herpes and hpv can lay dormant for 20 years. Both can be treated, herpes can be driven into remission.

Other than that enjoy having sex with your partner, its nice understanding what makes someone you love cum

>>42802843
>tfw technically bi but only females attracted to are very masculine, tall and dominant and those almost certainly aren’t into unhinged, micropenised, chemically castrated boys so I don’t even bother.
Oh well, it’s easy to get with men so I’m not really losing much. Other than somehow getting to trick my parents into thinking I’m normal and or kids (I banked).

I don’t really get how someone with actual dysphoria can handle being the boyfriend in a relationship.
>>42802851
I forget. How easy is it for straights to catch the aids bomb? I don’t think truvada can protect women.

>>42803083
>I forget. How easy is it for straights to catch the aids bomb? I don’t think truvada can protect women.

PREP works for both men and women. How essy is it to catch for straight people? Really easy. HIV is spread via blood not saliva or vaginal secretions, hence why people more likely to engage in anal sex can contract HIV, since microtears in the anus can transmit the virus.

Its estimated 20% of people with HIV in the USA and UK are straight, thats 1 in 5.

Forgive me for asking, you're married to the woman you're talking about?

>>42803117
> PREP works for both men and women
Not well for women, it takes too long for truvada to reach decent concentrations in vaginal mucosa. If they aren’t on it for like a month in advance not enough pro.
>Forgive me for asking, you're married to the woman you're talking about?
What? I almost thought you were joking rn. I said I’m defacto only androphillic since the bi part of my sexuality is so niche (and I’m enough of a freak to be even more niche) that I just don’t bother.
There are theyfabs and fujo into femboys but I wouldn’t want to get involved in that as they’re too feminine and despite identifying as male, being the guy in the relationship would bother me.
Idk why, idk if that’s a sign that I’m a tranny

>>42803239
https://www.webmd.com/hiv-aids/hiv-prep-for-women

Useful info

>>42803303
How did I not know they had approved truvada for women. It wasn’t always.

Nothing. If crossdressing is already a sin and doing it causes horrible things to happen, taking estrogen would be a mortal sin and probably cause lethal diseases or accidents to me or people I love.

>>42803680
So you trooned out in the hopes a almighty force either kill you or the ones you love?
That's pretty metal.

>>42788570
tired of crying on bathroom floor. i felt like dying.

>>42803083
>handle being the boyfriend in the relationship.
Sometimes its hard, but I never really mentally cemented myself in the role of top or bottom so as long as were both cumming idgaf who's doing what. Ive self denied enough im this repression I dont even care about passing, pronouns, or even clothes that much. I just care about my wife being happy and not killing myself in ten years

With my current plan I cant start for 2 to 6 months, hopefully that won't bite me in the ass. At least I won't spend the summer trying to hide boobs. Been there done that when I had gyno as a kid

>>42804298
No, I can’t, because I would destroy the life of everyone around me.

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>>42805462
Well I thought that by
>Nothing.
You meant to be responding to OP's "what changed?", which is directly referring to "former repressors", with the logical interpretation being that you were a former repressor, that in turn meaning a transitioner, in that case a very based full scorched earth one.
Kinda disappointed, because "I WILL destroy the life of everyone around me." sounds pretty fucking rad ngl.

>>42788570
i want to go back so much repressing was bad but it was so much better than this ""transitioning" lie

>>42805144
It’s the weirdest thing and I guess proof I’m not lying about identifying as male but I feel like I missed out on a lot of guy milestones by medding to early. And because I didn’t girlmode (why should I, I identify as male) I didn’t get fem ones to replace.
Idk why but I increasingly resent on missing out on stuff from being in a liminal state
>>42803680
You could just take estrogen and not cross dress. Usually looking like a girl makes dysphoria dull enough to not be noticed.

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>>42791854
>gymbros shouldn't be allowed to troon, they always look like freaks
Steroids do that to men and women alike. I think for people like Tuft, the body dysmorphia shifts from bigorexia to AGP

>>42807018
It’s funny if you don’t get into fitness until after having been on estrogen long term.
I guess I’m still technically a gymbro

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>>42807201
Gymbro-ism is an explicitly malebrained thing IMHO. Pic related is a tranny, I think the rush you see guys and more masc women get from lifting and looking at themselves is AAP

>>42788592
You are very easily programmed. That is a useful datapoint.

>>42807239
Then I’m the most male brained, micropenised, gynoed femboy in existence as I love cardio and biathalon like activities.

I’m pretty sure cardio is one of the things halting my twink rot.
>the rush you see guys and more masc women get from lifting and looking at themselves
Slim waist is great, lining a slim waist with ab muscles also great

>>42788570

Failed to be a man.

I set a plan when I turned 29. I told myself when I turn 30, i am going to leave all the "sissy/crossdressing/fetish/trans" stuff behind. I had spent most of my 20s living a secret life as a woman parttime. I told myself I had one last shot to be normal. To dedicate my self entirely, 110%, no regrets, to lean fully man. To "do the right thing", get religious, find god, get a degree, get a job, get a tradwife, have kids, etc.

Originally my plan was, if I didnt see that path continuing by 35, I would transition. 35 came and went, that path was viable but not sure, so I pushed till 36, when it was becoming clear "the family man" path was not a realistic path for me. I then floored it, to be maximal male to gaurentee no room for regrets.

It all failed end of last year. Despite all my best effort. I still am religious and know there is a God, but I also no longer repressing.

>>42807464
>t. Joanna, 40

I look about as feminine as im going to get right now, im worried hrt will make me fat or something

>>42807464
> had spent most of my 20s living a secret life as a woman parttime
I’m confused by how there are people who will girlmode before HRT. The opposite seems like a nice way to hedge.

>>42807956
>I’m confused by how there are people who will girlmode before HRT
nta but I was confused for a girl from age 15 to age 27. It was one of the reasons I didn't troon earlier because I was already getting what I wanted: cute as a guy, could easily girlmode and generally attractive. People treated me nicely almost always.
Then I started being treated as a mature guy and got left by my gf. That was a decade ago. Now I'm never confused for a man even when naked.
Some amabs just get born like that, ig?

>>42808716
Why don’t people realize twinkiness is dangerously unstable? I hate how HRT is tied so close to trooning because more could use it to stabilize otherwise.
> That was a decade ago. Now I'm never confused for a man even when naked
Also the weird paradox that people who felt twink death pain are spurred to much greater self improvement and might be better off long run.
> I was already getting what I wanted: cute as a guy, could easily girlmode
Basically this, with that and twink rot slowed to a crawl by hrt there was no reason to improve, just keep everything the way I like. It’s only now that there’s a lot of angst about the future.

>>42808986
>Why don’t people realize twinkiness is dangerously unstable?
I do know now. But 20 years ago was a different world, anon.
>I hate how HRT is tied so close to trooning because more could use it to stabilize otherwise
Yes, hrtwink works. Even if I had known that at age 20, I would've still been a post op troon now. But, you are right, it would've been easier.
Overall I don't regret anything except maybe not getting srs earlier. I wanted to eventually permawomanmode since age 15. So I got what I wanted in the end.
>with that and twink rot slowed to a crawl by hrt there was no reason to improve, just keep everything the way I like. It’s only now that there’s a lot of angst about the future
Not sure I understand your point. You think hrtwinking prevents people from improving?

>>42804465
and transitioning saved you?
>>42802799
i really don’t understand the breakdowns. i could always last just a couple more days and then i would go back to baseline

>>42809078
>different world
I guess… it wasn’t quite that long ago, but you could in the Obama era even if it wasn’t normalized. I’ve read 20th century anecdotes about HRT femboys or some sort of antecedent existing even then.
>You think hrtwinking prevents people from improving?
Prevents me, in specific. It’s like the situation where you’re the first to invent something and it works nice so you never feel pressure to improve even as others do better. If I’m in my happy zone why step out even though long term it’s not good.
Basically the human v of https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Law_of_the_handicap_of_a_head_start
Not that femboys should be bullied/threatened into trooning. That backfires disastrously.
>not getting srs earlier
Idk why I got mad at the guy who offered that. It sounds like something that would really take a toll on body and add inconvenience. Then again useless micropenis is basically an appendix by this point and balls are actually a liability.

>>42809364
>you could in the Obama era
Anon, we don't all live in Burgeristan. And that's actually a good thing.
Sure, I could've been born in Pakistan or Uganda, but not being born in an Angloid country is one of the privileges I praise the Lord for.
Still, getting estrogen for esthetics purposes in 2006 was very hard everywhere on Earth. Remember that Bitcoin hadn't been invented yet. And controlled substances were, well, more controlled. You could lie that you want to be a tranny, I suppose, but that's a humiliation ritual I doubt most hrtwinks would be willing to go through. After all, a lot of people hrtwink precisely to avoid social transition. DiY made this possible and I'm glad for it even tho I hopped in late.
>It sounds like something that would really take a toll on body and add inconvenience
Yes, the recovery is harsh. But it's easier to bear while young(er) than while old(er).
But it doesn't add inconvenience after 1 year. Quite the opposite.
No more tucking, no more weird questions/convos when crossing borders, no more poison from the balls and, of course, sex.
Nowadays one doesn't even need to be a troon to get srs. So one doesn't have to lose the ability to manmode necessarily (I did because I wanted to).
The main limitation to srs is that if you don't have a partner, you get stuck with a routine for quite long.
Still, zero-depth srs is an option. Quick recovery, cosmetically great. It wasn't for me, but it is popular among transmaxxers, ex-femboys and so on (basically fags who womanmode).
>Not that femboys should be bullied/threatened into trooning
No one should be bullied. HRT is ultimately a set of chemicals. One does them for whatever reasons and goals one has.
>If I’m in my happy zone why step out even though long term it’s not good
Yeah, I see your point now. Sounds tough. But I am sure you already know that the optimal way forward is through, after all.

>>42807956
>> had spent most of my 20s living a secret life as a woman parttime
whoa just call it gooning and everything will be at peace

>>42807488
I know. Its my cross to bear ;((

>>42807956
I have alright genetics i suppose. So long as my face is hairless, a little make up and my face passes as good as HRT w/no FFS people pass. In my 20s it was also alot easier to switch modes using just cosmetic changes. Tbh, I thought delaying transitioning or procrastinating taking any real steps, would eventually make it go away.

Mostly because of youngshits and places like here, that had me convinced you have to start at 19 or younger to pass, else transitioning is pointless. I was also convinced it was drug or alcohol induced coomer fetish or a phase. Another lie pushed by types like here. Then I got sober at 30, it took that year 29-30 to finally commit and get clean.

I sat with the wanting to be a woman thoughts for atleast two years, completely clean, not even on any perscriptions, no nicotine or caffine. Natty af. Sobriety got easier, but the thoughts were there, again I kept telling myself the "im too old" so its stupid to try and its just a perverted "coomer fetish" itll go away.

It only grew and never went away, i kept ratcheting up my "be a family man" "do the right thing" compensations, till I was injecting steriods.

It was just a constant 'if I just do xyz, then ill be content being normal' till life happens and all the roadblocks I had in place fell off, and im facing down 40 with no excuses left. No way else to explain how I sexually see myself other than transgender.

>>42809555
> whoa just call it gooning and everything will be at peace
Thats what I did. Deep regrets.

>>42809453
> And that's actually a good thing.
America isn’t that bad, we invented informed consent
It’s funny bc for the longest time I’ve had an ideological hatred for European governments (not their people) over their approach to body autonomy/personal freedoms. Mind you not as much as the UK.
Europe historically banning informed consent, raiding self meders and forcing patients to do RLE without HRT (presumably for the goal of masculinizing them) made me distrust them on every issue they.
Now it’s America that’s struggling with autocracy and Europe is reforming. Not bong of course, if someone’s a bong Pakistan would be better.
And I know my prejudice against foreign governments was misguided. Sorry.
>bitcoin
You could buy with a checking account during the Obama era .
> You could lie that you want to be a tranny
I didn’t even have to, I had to go to the hospital because I got a lactation inducing brain tumor and my body was going haywire and they hooked me up with an endo and psych and not only gave me HRT but lied and fudged my medical record to claim I’m intersex so the insurance would give hrt for free. USA doctors are pretty cool. Hopefully the state never gains control over them.
> it is popular among transmaxxers, ex-femboys and so on (basically fags who womanmode).
That sounded like a suggestion ha… ha … ha….
It’s not in my net interest RN, I really, really like boymode so why do something like that when it would destroy my value to anyone who likes me as a twink (unless the ftm gambit were played). Also my approach to anything remotely close to claiming female status is extremely all or nothing. If short hair and mens clothes get me mistaken for a teenage boy then it’s much better clinging to that and skincare maxing than something I’m not entitled to or comfortable with.
But this ofc leaves me chained to a sinking ship hence all the angst. Can’t understand why but liminal male is okay, man is not.

>>42791854
yeah they have this sobstory going that they were just trying to rep hard and maybe theres some validity to that but you were still attracted to gymnigger culture so you're still likely to have bad personality

>>42809283
>and transitioning saved you?
its much better now.

>>42810984
>that but you were still attracted to gymnigger culture so you're still likely to have bad personality
Does it count if I got into cardio in the last couple of years? I really like how it’s good for skin, keeps my waist thin and I like how core muscles look.
There’s also a psychological dependence.

I wouldn’t try it if I weren’t chemically castrated but I don’t think it can do much harm to my frame like this. Actually, I don’t want to stop running even when on vacation since I suspect chemical castrationmmeans I decondition fast.

>>42811229
Gymbros hate cardio

>>42811803
Not gymfembros

>>42788570
Trans from a very young age (was always isolated and never fit in socially but almost certainly did not fit autism diagnosis, but 7-8 is when I had a revelation and uncovered my first serious unshakeable trannythoughts) but I eventually lost all hope for life and lived like a zombie because I knew (and was proven right, every time) that no one would ever help me or support me. Dropped out of high school. Almost dropped out of middle school and even the end of 5th grade. My parents always cared about their own feelings more than the suffering they inflicted upon me, in every aspect of life, not just this one. I simply never had a chance to begin with. I would have barely had one even if I were never trans.

I turned 16 and suddenly realized I had stretch marks on my ass but not my back. Spontaneously lost the ability I'd cultivated for the past N years to dissociate from the way puberty had fucking sexually assaulted my body. It took me a year and a half to find a way to get on hormones but if it hadn't already been too late at 16 it was definitely too late by then. I'm a 5'7 voice luckshit but I have neverpasser face and hip/shoulder bones.
>t.pooner

>>42788570
> Turning 24,
> Realized, I was sexually ambiguous.
> Realized, I always was in boymode.
> Realized, I hate cis women emotionally.
> Realized, I prefer trannies.
> Realized, Am better at sucking dick than my tranny ex.

Late shit but am making it work.

>>42812306
Is 24 even lateshit? I personaly saw anyone between 20 and 30 as midshits

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>>42788847

>>42812853
always considered lateshit to be significantly after puberty

>>42812853
>>42813316
Yeah
I think the benchmark is how much virilization someone suffers so like in that scale
14 and under is early
14-18 mid
And 18 plus late

But genetics and individual differences make a huge difference (I’ve seen 14 year olds who look like shrek nowadays) so in reality being lucky and having a late puberty can push someone to one category better and being unlucky a category worse

A lot of people who were naturally twinks have good genetics/weak puberty so that explains why a lot here can get outcomes like the mid category even if much later

>>42802799
what is the reddit vs non reddit angle?

>>42815748
i had an early fast and weak puberty. for people like me the age makes no difference, its more about support network.

>>42816670
Pls explain

>>42816999
being supported lets you transition younger and then its less about passing or being hot or whatever for its own sake and more about just being able to live your life without having to be alone with your thoughts, do everything alone, like self med, manage dysphoria and discrimination and all that on your own during your formative years, yk?

>>42811177
is it just ‘better,’ or are things ‘good’ now?
did it ever make things worse?

>>42796099
My all metrics I'm pretty normal whether it's by this sites standards or normal standards. I've got a normal job with a normal with and a normal kid just doing the bi4bi wife thing.
>>42799026
>>42797052
I'm begging you guys get some hobbies and start going to trans events. They get such a bad name on here when I got to ones in my city it's always 21-50 years olds but most are 21-35.
Several girls in my crew would not know each other if it weren't for them all going to the same events and being there to offer tissue when one of them got shat on by a bird.
Try discord, go to events and fake it until you make it socialization wise
This site wants you to thing the world isn't an even shittier place than it already is dont let them squeeze the last joys out of life

>>42817668
not any of the anons you're replying to
>Try discord
Terrible advice.
>go to events and fake it until you make it socialization wise
YES! YES! ABSOLUTELY.
"Fake it till you make it" works. I've probably had to replace the previous keyboard at least in part because I wrote this a quintillion times hoping at least one or two trannies actually take it seriously and just try.
Shutting down the computer, staying away from screens and faking it till you make it IRL is THE way out.

t. former incel now socialite troon

>>42788570
almost died in a freak accident (got away with a fractured spine) and realized I would have wasted my life living for other people if it ended then and there

>>42817901
Weird I had some thing similar, not an accident but a family death, but resulted in same realization. Ive wasted so much time doing everything other than what I wanted to be. I mean theres a lot that lead up to it, but that was significant.

I repped for years because I was a chud but at some point I just couldn't cope with it anymore so when I was 18 I came out to my family and got on HRT shortly after turning 20

>>42817668
i do not like other trannies. i went to a couple trans groups during uni but i still didn’t feel able to use my girl name or pronouns.
i am scared to fake it. i’ve worked hard to beat out any outward expressions of feeling
i don’t know how to act like a normal person let alone a woman and my bpd makes me way too sensitive and paranoid
sorry for excuses :(
>>42817836
what if they think you’re weird or cringe?

>>42818282
>what if they think you’re weird or cringe?
You learn not to give a shit after the 5th or 6th instance, lol.
Life's way too short to be living it for others, especially people who don't like you anyway.

>>42818325
but humans are social creatures :<

>>42818411
yes, but there is no rule that you have to be social and friendly with 100% of humans. Or that you should beat yourself up for not pleasing everyone.
60%+ of humans will not like you no matter what you do. At least another 10% will default despise you even if they meet you. You can wake up tomorrow as your favorite cisf, it will still be true that at least 60% of humans will not like you.

>>42818509
i am one of the 60% that don’t like me, does that count for anything?

>>42818282
>what if they think you’re weird or cringe?
the weirdest, cringiest trans girl I know also has the most friends. other trans girls, cis girls, gay guys, whatever. because she's free unlike us

>>42818593
i think i am a bad person deep down

>>42818665
so do I, especially when I am alone for a while. that's what the friends are for, being around other people who enjoy your company helps silence that thought a lot. and sometimes you can help them or do them a favor and even feel like a good person for a little while. idk where I’m going with this, but it's worth a try, it really is.

>>42818725
i’m scared, anon.

>>42818145
Okay but imagine a chud Nazi she/her FFS SRS femboy unhinged enough to say misogynist things while being victimized bc misogyny and rationalizing it as being someone else’s fault.
You can have chuds trying to have it both ways.

>>42817668
ive never even heard of a "trans event" what hobbies?? i dont even know where to begin.

>>42818788
>imagine a chud Nazi she/her FFS SRS femboy
nta but that's me.
Okay, not exactly Nazi (i find most collectivism to be a bad thing) but very much chudette and explicitly antifeminist.

>>42818771
it's okay to be scared, but you have to push past that. personally I never found much community or friendship at trans specific events, but they helped me feel normal or at least less of a freak early on. there's usually stuff like board game or movie nights, sounds lame, but the activity doesn't matter honestly. you just need to get used to being around other people at first desu. go to a local band gig, or for a walk, or to a bar. when I was most isolated and anxious, I forced myself to go sit outside at a cafe across the street, drink coffee, chain smoke and read. even just that helped me feel like a human being sometimes

>>42818998
do they accept boymoders at trans events?

>>42817395
Nta (I am FTM). I don't really know if people would generally count me as an ex-repper because I was more just completely unable to transition medically, but the years leading up to when I finally couldn't do it anymore, I was definitely repbrained and preparing myself for a life of repression.

HRT did technically make things 'worse' for me because snapping out of the sitting around waiting to zombie life makes you suddenly have to confront all the disgusting things about your body at once. And for anyone who was just straight up unlucky with puberty, the longer you are on HRT, the worse you will feel because the more you realize that your life really is just completely fucking over and you probably never had a chance to begin with.

>>42819100 (cont)
The thing people get wrong about this is that they think my mental state outwardly 'worsening' is an inherent problem of HRT, that because they observed that X became more depressed after transitioning then it must be the hormones' fault and therefore we must get them off hrt and reverse the troon brainwashing. When the reality is transitioning means you are swallowing the red pill (ha, trite) to some extent, and that means you will slowly develop the ability to see your body and more broadly your life for exactly how it really is. rather than just dissociating from everything and becoming a rotting corpse.

If you are GMI, then your life will improve. You will still be traumatized (wrong puberty is inherently sexually violating) and have to work through that but you can live a normal life.

If you are NGMI, then sorry I guess. But your choices are:
-troon/poon out now, find your circle of people who understand your pain and can actually see you as a woman(/man) who was mutilated by puberty, and learn how to cope with being a hon or pooner
-use your incredible willpower to rep indefinitely, until you erode any personhood left in you down to river silt. The greatest ambition you can possess in that scenario is to transcend from abject dysphoric misery to perpetual numbness. And if you fail you're doomed to be a John 50 sissy boomer rapehon.

My life has objectively improved though. After dropping out of school and before starting T I literally never, ever went out the house except to smoke at the park at 2 am. From 2020 up until early 2024 after 2-3 months of testosterone and my voice drop + brows dropping (orbital fat redistribution) I always wore a mask. In high school I would either skip lunch entirely or lock myself in an all-gender single stall to eat lunch because I could not bear to let anybody who saw my disgusting pooner body to associate it with my face. Nowadays I live a more or less normal life.

>>42819027
building community for trannies early in social transition (and providing knowledge for those early in medical transition) is kind of the primary role of such events, so yes, boymoders are definitely welcome. I was one too, and everyone was always really nice (if a bit hecking valid coded). I don't go much these days but when I do, I try to pay it forward and talk to the most awkward /tttt/ looking girl there heh

>>42815748
16 for pooners can be very late. I know a dood with a supportive family who transitioned almost 2 years ago at 15 or so. At least when I became acquainted with him he was 15 and already had a distinctly male voice. He's got a 5'1 chubby pooner build. I feel sorry for him and I'm just glad his mother is legitimately completely supportive and he actually has good friends who love him.

The average age of menarche (onset of menstruation) has dropped like 4-5 years over the past century or something. I had it at 14 and got an unlucky puberty even though I tried very hard to keep my BMI at 16 or below (just because the females in my family genuinely have <1 or almost <1 SHR, I'm extraordinarily lucky I even got what I look like now.). There used to be some places (Germany in the very early 1900s I believe?) where onset of menstruation happened at 17 on average. Now even white girls start growing at 10-11... Something is happening to the way people develop, especially natal females.

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>>42788570
>former repressors, what changed?
>what was your breaking point?
I had put a loaded gun in my mouth, the round didn't go off because it was heavily corroded. I decided then and there being trans was better than death so I just went for it. I'm happy now.

>>42819226
what if i start crying due to self-loathing issues?

>>42819253
Isn't it because they pump farm animals full of hormones so they grow faster/fatter or something like that or is that schizophrenia? That's what I've heard people say

>>42819298
I don't think you will. I think you'll find yourself too distracted to ruminate on that stuff, in a situation that is not nearly as bad as you imagined it and maybe even enjoyable. and even if you do, you can just go to the toilet or outside. and even if you cry right there in the room, everyone will just try to console you, and it definitely won't be the first bitch bawling her eyes out that they see. but you won't.

>>42819295
kayla how do i be more like you?
>>42819423
i might think about it but i do think i might cry i do think it’s a risk
how to find tranny events?

>>42819359
I don't think that's true, or at least not the main factor. Most people look at supermarket chicken breasts and go wow they must be full of hormones but that's mostly a result of breeding, not necessarily genetic modification or hormone abuse. Plus the type of growth hormone that is used on animals generally is digested in the gut rather than absorbed. Most dairy cows are no longer treated with rBST.

I have an inkling that the running theory is people simply used to be less well nourished, and female puberty is more dependent on nourishment than male puberty. Adipose tissue is estrogenic (fat stores and produces estrogen), so it could follow that the more fat a prepubescent female child has, the earlier she will start to slowly feminize in the first place, and once your hormone production really kicks in sje will feminize more aggressively compared to if she were a skinny skeleton.

However, I'm sure this theory could not fully explain why the onset of hormone production itself has shifted for both males and females. Though less significantly in males). Plus, I was always the skinniest kid in class and I kept my BMI below 16 throughout all of puberty but I still got poon'd.
Undereating may have stunted my height, but it's possible that it also gave me more time to grow before my growth spurt, ultimately leading to me being taller than if I had been a healthy weight all along.

It's probably important to note that there's no real reason to believe that higher hormone levels necessarily correlate to stimulating hormone production. I'm not clear on the interaction between exogenous growth hormone and other potential endocrine disrupters and endogenous hormone production, but frankly neither is the science, esp in regard to the specific question of why we are all starting puberty so much earlier.

>>42788570
Smoking crack for a couple months in a manic episode

>>42818854
But what if someone who hates women tries to attack you?

>>42789479
Think you got hit by gaydar weapons? Gay poison attack? I suspect theres a biological chemical weapon that makes some genetic types troon. Its being released on the west.

>>42789550
> i cant see a doctor
Yea you probably should swallow a bullet for being that dense. Literally retards know how to find a nurse or assistant to get them medical help.

This Kansas shit is fucking me up man, I want to avoid being put on any list for this

>>42817289
That’s not going to do anything for my goals. Maybe this proves I am a twink, genuinely. It’s probably a combination of both having been beaten a lot (revenge against dad) and also having been treated well by other adults and called cute. And since people back then thought I was a girl, the type of shell I’m comfortable with is fem.
Declaring I’m a woman wouldn’t do anything, it would be going outside my comfort zone. I don’t like women’s clothes, I don’t like makeup. I don’t want to act a certain way, feminine faggot isn’t the same thing as woman.
>like self med, manage dysphoria and discrimination and all that on your own during your formative years
It was okay. There was no other way. There was no support in the rural Deep South. If anything doing things the right way would mean death. Did doing things wrong help crystallize my identity as male? Idk. I doubt the counterfactual would’ve helped.
>>42817668
>>42818282
>going to trans events
No
I’d go in twink mode, id identify myself as twink, say I’m male, get mad at people not respecting boundaries. I wouldn’t want to talk about my gender.
If it’s anything like usual I’m probably going to be mistaken for an FtM twink.
What’s the point of that?
And I won’t be honest since my last friend group didn’t respect the difference between femboy and woman and it lead to increasingly severe bullying.

>>42820717
Feminism won't help me with that. Neither would leftism (which likely imported the assailant to begin with).
A gun and self defense skills usually do help, though.

>>42817395
dysphoria contributed greatly to my depression, trooning helps me with that, but I have other stuff that makes me depressed.

>>42821232
The current government wants trans disarmed though. You might be a femboy but what if they decide you’re trans because you medically transitioned. Trump is also very pro H1B too so hes pro migrant anti gun.

>>42795414
objectively false by the way

>>42812076
that's gymbunny not gymrat

>>42801407
Did he say why he’s no longer okay with GD?

>>42788820
GIWQTWMMMM

>>42820754
i’ve been on prescribed hrt for 7 years

repped bcos ngmi
breaking point bcos i couldn't continue like that anymore
externally nothing has changed at all

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>>42822428
It’s gym bro because I don’t use female terms in reference to myself. I will use male self reference and dare anybody to misgender (deny maleness).

It’s win win since either they respect my gender or people affirm femboymaxing is successful.

Reading some comments here about how repping was so miserable etc… but like what if I am just good at feeling miserable? It’s hard to compare the misery of repping (if I am even doing that) vs being a hon. I straight up don’t believe that transitioning would feel good in a transphobic society (Canada or US). Maybe I don’t have dysphoria or it’s just mild for me.

>>42826550
>It’s hard to compare the misery of repping
>I straight up don’t believe that transitioning would feel good in a transphobic society
>Maybe I don’t have dysphoria or it’s just mild for me
Fuck are you me? I can only speak for me and I only stopped repping recently, but I remember hearing this and then I eventually broke, both options, in your mind, will lead to regret, regret of not transition and the thoughts of what could have been, to regret that you will be a hon and all the shit that follows, its up to you to decide which one, if you have rationalized both options will lead to some sort of regret.

>>42826550
HRTFemboy repression is pretty nice. Feminine twinks get treated well enough. It’s almost like being a woman but without being forced into acting any stupid way. You should try it.
It’s only now, by full adulthood where there’s much angst about what will happen.

>>42822819
Then you are transitioning retard. You said you werent, "i cant do it". HRT makes you dumb, or were you like this before?

>>42827841
Yeah I just can’t make the choice and the worst part is not making a choice is still a choice! Def waited longer than I should have if I do choose to trans

>>42827908
I’m too old for that now but yeah if that works for you, more power to you. I personally would view you as a (trans) woman tho


>>42827939
Never taken HRT. I use they them pronouns and try to dress androgynously. It’s all cope though and wouldn’t say I’m necessarily trans. I could just… not do it.

>>42827995
> Never taken HRT.
But you said 7 years here>>42822819

How about just kill yourself?

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i realized it at 15 and decided to rep 'until i move out' because i lived in hell with shitty parents (dumbass)

when i was 18 i told my gf (who ironically was also a repper) about it and she was supportive but i didnt do anything bc the tiktok femboy psyop was ongoing and it made me think 'ill just be a feminine man because transitioning is too hard (retarded) i fucking love science!'

then from like 20 until now i still had it in the back of my mind as "something i need to do but i don't have enough money / still live with shitty parents in hell / its hard" (retarded) and just repped super hard until randomly one day the dam just finally broke and i couldn't ignore all of those feelings anymore

repping is one of the most tragic things that can happen to a tranny. every second you spend repping is completely wasted life

im lucky that i snapped out of the repper haze when i was still in my 20s and not when i was 30+ like so many other women. my bones might be fused but i still have some years left, i still have some hope

>>42828131
Different poster!

>>42801517
don't need to imagine, as i am
neither to be honest, just an old freak

>>42828166
trooning in my 20s would have made having an actual life possible
hope you are doing well my young (pretend as i don't actually know you)frien

>>42827939
i cannot fathom socially transitioning

every time i feel close to transitioning i just remind myself that transitioning won’t change anything because transitioning doesn’t make you a woman

>>42829793
Social transitioning doesn’t make you a woman. Medical transition, especially if you were androgynous to begin with could eventually get more or less that.

>>42830467 #
well by your logic i should be a woman by now

>>42798834
>Do keep in mind that size 32-34 in bra size is in fact very common in cisfoids.
One thing to keep in mind is that ciswomen do have bigger breasts, or more like, having proper tanner 5 breasts makes your ribcage look 100 times more feminine.
Hope to god by next year my country still does fat transfer BA, would be the one thing I really really want

bump