>>42820608
After sometime we learned more about each other and he opened up about his struggles and I never in my entire life wanted to hug someone so much. He understood me, and my emotional baggage, and he loved me. One day he called me his precious boyfriend. The moment I heard those words every suicidal ideation, and self loathing thought that usually ran through my head went away. I finally felt loved. We talked and I cried and I told him I had been hurting for my entire life because I felt like a freak. It meant everything to me that I had someone like him in my life.

He blocked me on everything one random day. I was a mess and I regressed completely because without him I wasn’t whole. A few months later he had unblocked me on instagram but didn’t reach out, I looked on his account and he had a new boyfriend, he was very pretty, way better looking than me. I wish I never heard call me his precious boyfriend. I finally knew what it felt like to be normal person who was loved and supported and it was ripped away. I blame myself, I am a freak, I am hideous, I have no talents.

To this day I still hate myself and I think about suicide on a daily basis. I fall asleep to the thought of hugging someone and holding their hand and saying “I love you”

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I wish I didn't have crippling OCD ruining every facet of my life.

I am not a passoid in the 4chan ropebait kind of way, but I am enough of one that maga guys gender me female in person. I've voice trained, no surgery, hrt for a little over 1 year. 5'11" and around 230 lbs. I used to be in a t4t relationship and it was amazing, I'm a brat sub with a blood kink and she used to rail me amazing, biting her neck while she came inside me was probably the closest to complete I ever felt. I threw it all away because a sauceless chaser kept sending me money and promising me I could be his neet pet. and sure, it's real, he flew me out and we still talk and it's amazing, but, he... he will never satisfy me the same way she did, he doesn't GET me like she did, he's, just, a fucking guy and inherently does not have the emotional capacity to be on the same wavelength as me. he's reserved and hard working and I hate his guts for it. he's a good guy, but, I'm a whore and I hate myself for it. he ragebaits me in almost every conversation because its how he copes with how actually retarded he is. we'll talk normally, then he'll misunderstand something, or misread a cue (probably autistic), or whatever the fuck, and when I try to direct it elsewhere he doubles down. I hate his guts for it, I know I'm loud and impulsive but fuck at least I SPEAK MY MIND. he says sex is a chore, the last girl used to torture me for hours after she'd already came for the love of the game, she'd keep me in heaven. he, doesn't even want to be romantic with me. I don't get it, I do not fucking understand it. why is he dumping so much money and effort on me (for over 7 years of knowing this man), he's drawn so much lovey dovey stuff and he truly convinced me I'd be fluttery around him, but when we met there wasn't even a spark. he doesn't act like the way he drew us, I get it, he's shy, I'm his first girlfriend, but FUCK, I HATE IT HERE. I'm going to have to cope with this dense, inconsiderate fucker for the rest of my life because it's the only way I can have a future.

need to read ab other people being sad so I can feel better, bump

>>42820616
my bf doesn't say he loves me anymore
due to my tranny disease and schizoid personality disorder this is really bad cause it took me more than 20 years to find him
also just the thought that cis people don't have to deal with this shit makes me spiral

>>42820608
I watched a film tonight called A Taste Of Honey because morrissey said he loves it. It was pretty devastating. There's this poor teenage girl who has a one-night stand with a sailor, and then he leaves town. Months later she's pregnant, and now all she's got to do is raise the baby. Then it ends. I thought it was incredible how the one good thing to ever happen in her life left her in shambles. Love is such a horrible thing I think. It's never happened to me, and I'm going to make sure it never does. If love were a drug it would certainly be illegal in every nation across the world, with a reputation for ruining countless lives. No one in their right frame of mind would ever let this happen to them, which is probably why most geniuses die alone

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my transition failed, i regret taking estrogen and thats okay. not everyone can succeed.

>>42820731
ive been thinking if this is a reason why our kind relies on polyamory instead of the one for one marriage route that means toughing it out

fellow passoid, i just date for love but lately i dont even care to think about dating

>>42822403
I dont know, I figure I just have too high a priority on sex. He'll figure me out eventually, I was just being a weenie about it.

Would be a dream if he accepted polyam but I could never force that on him, as with everything polyam, it'll only cause problem if any party has the slightest issue.
He means alot to me and I should be a better girlfriend for him...

I wish someone wanted to take me in and help me get my life started. All the motivation I had is slowly disappearing since Im stuck with family. I don’t want to wait anymore I don’t want to feel disgusting anymore. I want a fresh start and I want someone other than me to invest in my potential.

Ive been too much of a pussy to actually transition (ftm). I’m 23 and it’s been a decade since i first tried to ‘come out’ and it ended with physical violence from my stepdad who i barely even knew at the time. I’m asexual, my parents spent my teen years purposely sexualizing me and trying to force me to like being feminine despite me just cutting my hair off myself and using eczema as an excuse to not wear makeup or revealing clothes.

Now i can’t even utter the word trans out loud. I can’t bring myself to talk to my therapist about it, i feel defeated in such a idiotic way, and now i’ve put off transition for so long that it feels hopeless, especially with the insane political climate rn AND the fact that i’m 23 so transitioning has about a 90% chance of turning me into a fat ngmi pooner. I already got a preview of the way testosterone would affect me, i have high T levels due to pcos and all it’s done is give me horrendous acne and patchy facial hair.

>inb4 anyone tells me i type and whine like a woman

>>42820731
are you trans?

i can't make friends and im unbearable to be around and always have been and i feel completely helpless to change it. i have been alone almost my entire life and i don't think i will ever find someone who loves me again. my transition has been a complete failure and i never feel like an actual woman, at best i just feel like a pretender. i am in exactly the same place in life as i was 5 years ago and i don't see any signs of things changing. i wish i was dead but i know i can't kill myself. ever since i was a child life has felt like torture. i truly believe i am in hell

>>42824141
Being a ngmi pooner can still be better than being a repper. But yeah no perfect solution.

>>42824154
Yes, mtf.
Woulda figure that'd obvious with how I talked about passing.

>>42824242
you don't pass
why do you think you pass
if you pass so well post a pic for proof

my friends keep ignoring me and it’s making me wonder if i’m doing something wrong:<<

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>>42820608
I'm moving into a new place with no money or furniture to my name and a failed transition. I'm just over two years in with only AGP babytrans clothes, shoddy makeup skills, and hair that barely cooperates. I did a bit of voice training for a while but I'm living with a lunatic who threatens to beat me when he catches me trying to change myself in any way shape or form. Moving out of here is gonna be nice.

The thing that hurts the most is that I am so fucking lonely. I have basically no friends. I have extreme agoraphobia which makes things like doing groceries very difficult. I can't even socialise with strangers because it gets to the 'What's your name?' part, and I freeze up unsure of whether to use my deadname or not. It just seems so doomed.

I used to know this passoid a year younger than me. Lives with her mother. Has a girlfriend and a boyfriend, both very attractive. Has had orchiectomy and FFS, done voice training. We were friends for a bit but I distanced myself because it was clear she didn't really want me around her group anymore. I always wonder to myself how she was able to figure everything out so easily. How'd you get money, surgery, friends, partners, all seemingly without lifting a finger, while I'm trying my best and barely getting by? It just seems so unfair.

>>42824346
Awhe lookat the lil meanie!! Aren't you just a cutie :)

>>42824381
prove me wrong boss
all its takes is one lil photo

>>42824363
are you trans
that could be the issue

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i think i caught feelings for someone for no reason.. they are adorable but i have no way to contact them now so i guess theyre just gone.. that could better for me, i wouldnt be able to be with them anyways but it still hurts, i dont know why im like this

uhhhh getting a hysterectomy soon and my parents will probably jump me and kick me out cus the ultimate crime and final line I could commit is any kind of bottom surgery cus muh good Christian girl that gives us grandkids or something but I havent had a place to live lined up other than uh offers from people I definitely couldn't rely on because they're nuclear mentally ill or predatory or usually both andddd I don't know what to do haha I have hella friends but turns out when you make friends cus you can relate on being mentally ill broke fags you can't support each other materially and its helpless from my end to help them too and fuuuuuck but oh well. atp if I found some e boyfriend that's not so ugly I won't dissociate when he gay sexes me for rent I can live with that
>>42824141
pcos is Not the same as being on an hrt level does of T bruh and you'd even possibly feel more leveled out, if it might make you feel better you don't even have to socially transition if your dysphoria is more physical though I don't blame you with how things are lately either way though

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Been off my antidepressants for a handful of months now and I think I know why they work for most people. Most people with depression don't have reasons to be depressed. Antidepressants make the part of you that hates yourself silent, and for most, that leads to their life becoming swell. For me? It just made me completely content rotting away in the basement. I might get back on them, it felt better despite being worse.

>>42824705
depression is irrational. Being depressed because you are trans is just obvious.

>>42825305
I'm not trans. I'm just a complete fucking loser.

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>>42820608
Accidentally befriended a group of theyfabs and seeing how different our lives became when I started hrt despite them claiming transness as well makes me feel like I don't fit in at all. Not having anyone I can talk to has me acting as if Im the first person to troon out. I hate that this makes me feel so alienated from everyone else. I wish I could be normal, Im making myself so ugly modifying my body for something it wasnt meant to be, for something Im sure is a fetish triggered by constant exposure to porn as a child. Whatever I wish being trans was understood and met with empathy. Im just trying to exist..you think I dont know how crazy all of this is...U think I dont beat myself up for going outside when Im obviously a tranny and everyone can tell and it looks ridiculous and I dont even pass half of the time I dont pass to anyone older than me only to little kids . What prompts me to do this? Saying stop is easier said than done. I would do anything to reincarnate as a theyfab in my next life. If my transness was just an identity and not a medical condition I would never have to think about it and thus could live in peace. I know this reeks of jealousy because who isnt , theyfabs are us if we were having fun about everything
Im jealous of everyone around me. everyone around me is out to get me, nobody understands me, I am the first human to ever exist and I wish life wasnt real

>>42825933
>I dont pass to anyone older than me only to little kids
why the fuck are you around little kids why are you trying to pass to little kids what the fuck is this shit are you fucking serious

>>42825933
god i have a semi-opposite where i befriended a bunch of boymoders as a theyfab when we had some common thread of experience and now some of them are just normal she/her women who don't even read trans and i'm kinda in the same spot i was when they started, i don't even know other nonbinary people just manmoders and reppers. my gf said she feels understood by me over the transness but it never went the opposite way cuz there's some experiences she just don't have but i do that come straight from either being a woman with pronouns or having nothing to transition into

>>42826186
with all due respect anon are you fucking retarded

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Tried to help someone out who was mentally unwell and was being abused by multiple people. Stayed up several nights to help them sort some things out, or just to stay with them so they wouldn't have to be alone. They started flirting with me and confessed to me which made things weird. Then did several things to hurt me, knowing that it would hurt me. They went back to their abuser who has tried to harm me too. I cut off contact. Now I'm alone again and have time to think about the fact that there is not a single person who cares about me. It's extremely painful to have people tell me they love me and then knowingly hurt me. I wish they respected me enough and cared enough to not do that. It makes me want to die. Especially because I liked them too.

>>42820616
the more and more I think about this it makes me scared I’ll never fall in love again. Like he was supposed to be the one and that chance is gone. I’d love to fall in love with a guy or girl and be their cheerleader but I’m worried I’ll never find that kind of connection again. I’d love to put my heart and soul into loving someone.

Maybe I should try making friends first

>>42820608
not lgbtq related but god i cant stand my new coworker he's such a fucking tool. im pretty sure he has "little man" syndrome because he has to try to dominate every interaction all while trying to maintain this "mr cool gen x guy" attitude i just wanna punch this shit out of him so bad. to top it off he's like this ai worshiping tech bro retard.

>>42826800
sounds like you met a bpdemon. im sorry nona

got dumped some time ago and it feels final. Like i'm never going to find someone again.
I've had 2 genuinely serious bfs including him and i just cant foresee another man loving me. I try my best but i think it's not enough. i don't think trannies can really have husbands but i have enough self respect to not whore out, i'm still holding hope that someday i can live a real life. so...idk.
im tired.

bump

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dating is near impossible. Ive tried again and again and I just feel like Im going nowhere. Ive tried cis people and am used as a pump and dump and ghosted and stood up. other trans people decided to tell me they are poly afterwards or it goes ok and I just get too much bottom dysphoria. I hate my penis and it would be easier to cut it off. These spaces whether its 4chan, 4tran, reddit, tumblr, and discord have all gotten worse lately. whether its political bullshit or the multiple mass suicide waves or influx of newfags that change the culture over the years. I tried to goto a trans meetup for my town and It was a dark empty room. the one my therapist recced was a FAMILY support group. not for trans people but their family. texas tried to get names and addresses of trans people and everyone said I was paranoid. now other states are making IDs invalid. I can barely sleep right or keep meals down because I vomit. I have nothing besides my job and 10 years history on a farm.

I made a few friends. or so I thought. They left texas and Im left on read. the other people in town played games we went out we hung out. and now. they havent answered either of the 2 texts ive sent them over the past 2 months.

I just tried to run a dnd game Ive been scheduling since december. we didnt even make it past it past the intro . the dude had a mental breakdown and couldnt say their character name, race and class.

I feel like ive gone nowhere, im going nowhere, ill go nowhere and Ill die nowhere

>>42829693
I literally have all the same problems (except I have a bf that I hate) and SRS really does make it a lot better.

>>42830335
then theres some hope it can get better

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I will always be alone because i have avoidant personality disorder.
No man will ever approach me because im a hideous fag, and because of my disorder ill never be able to approach other men.
Should I even consider myself gay if I can never experience a relationship with a man and cant experience gay sex? The whole gay experience people ever talk about is having a boyfriend and sex, if i cant ever experience either of those two things then im not a real gay man.

>>42830667
>avoidant personality disorder
I have that and got a bf. I still can't handle sex very well though. it's so stressful.

>>42830667
This is something you won’t hear often from the LGBT community but there is literally nothing wrong with being an incel.

>>42830810
Did you just get lucky by him approaching you? if so, how can i increase my chances of a man approaching me?

>>42830813
Thank you, but it feels very isolating when the only thing the gay community ever talks about is sex.

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im such a loser. im 20 and i dont have a job and i dont know how to do anything. i spent the end of my teen years in wilderness and residential and now i dont know how to do anything. my parents came around on me being trans and theyre pretty well off so im getting all the surgeries i want, im really fortunate in that i guess, but im totally incapable no matter how hard i try, i can barely remember anything or function because i got a bad dissociative disorder from things being so shit for so long. or im just weak, i dunno, people have been through so much worse and didnt come out as fucked up as me. its stupid. i stay in my room and rot and try to make things better and fail every time. and i fucked up my arms and legs with scars, but thats not a huge issue i guess because im mentally ill enough to like them. maybe thingsll get better one day. i hope so.

Im not even special. Im the 6/10 """""""""twink""""""""" who is lazy and a shut in and will never have a girlfriend and does nothing but video games. Sure I am watching movies now but that's like saying "yeah I'm a rapist but now I'm diversifying into cnc". What a horrible chud nigger life. I'm having fun right now because I'm massively drunk but Tomo I'm hoping to kill myself. I have the rope in the closet and everything. But nope probably not gonna happen. I hate being alive I hafe hing Alice I'm in tremendous pain I'm in tremendous pain help me help me help me! Bring me back to when I was 10 years old and watching Meltingman234 and petedorr videos. I would do horrific things to go back to that. I just wanna hang out with my brother and gusb skater friend afain even ifb I'm sure they thought I was annoying

>>42830900
Dubs so must specify I'm probably not even 6/10. I am built exclusively to attract indians and fat Mexicans in wheelchairs in their 50s. I only ever got hit on by attractive people when they were both massively drunk. Itsblike everyone needs a buffer and to be drunk to want to be with me. Even the bi goth baddie was extremely drunk and offered a hookup (I said no) and when she sobered up she removed my Instagram. I'm the modern Greek tragedy. If I had an audience I'd be the next big lowcow. Someone should publicly hang me.

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>>42830914
Not dubs so posing more. Fuck u. 2012 is like benice beach in American history x for me. I keep going back to it. It's before everything went wrong. I know God is not gracious towards those who take away his gift but I hope the reward for suicide is being 10 years old again and then the second life goes to shit you just die forever and don't exist.

iwnbaw because of my hips but now im old and idgaf

>>42826800
That sounds horrible but exactly why no one should get involved with bpdemons.
>>42830667
You can still be happy even with avoidant personality disorder. Have you tried going to therapy? It can get better.

Im a transbian and upended my life over my ex thinking maybe we could fix stuff but fucked it up horribly and shes with an abusive guy now, idk why so many girls do that (trans or not). Wanted to marry her but nope. Transition failed and Im ugly, dont have family, have few friends and none really get it. No luck getting a job. Failed at everything basically. Probably going to be homeless soon. Now I just stay in my room usually crying all day or shutting myself in my closet and watching cartoons with plushies cuz why bother trying anymore. It's all just too fucking hard. I put in so much effort for so long trying to claw some kind of half decent life out of a really awful start with my psycho family and it all fell apart.

i never had proper irls and atp im in my 30s and don't know how to find. i'm naturally extroverted but couldn't leave the house much growing up and now i just don't know any spaces i could meet people that aren't for teens and if i did i'm unsocialized as hell.

>vent
I don't know what I want
I don't know if the decisions I make are of my own volition or if I'm drawn to it to serve someone's expectation of me, and this in turn distorts my idea of "is this who I really am, or is this who I was shaped into by others?"

>>42830839
I met him on discord.
>>42830850
try to set a goal for yourself.
>>42832228
nature vs nurture is one of the big unknown questions of life/science, you aren't going to solve it.

>>42832813
I've been big into Buddhism lately, this concept of anatta (no-Self) has been fucking me up

You are the sum of all the people around you and how much they left their imprint on you, so what part of you is actually you?
Is this body mine? Is this mind mine? Is this emotion I feel truly how I feel?

>>42832845
because you are conscious and make decisions. Eastern philosophy is designed to convince impoverished rice growers to perform the most painful, backbreaking manual labor while still being treated horribly by society. Don't read into it too much.

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I'm 22 and i haven't lived a day in my life.
I was denied childhood by having a disabled parent who cared, an abusive parent who didn't care and a bully of an older sibling
I was denied teenagehood by having the parent who cared die when i was 14, leaving my stuck with the abusive one. on top of which was covid and the tranny related identity stuff.
In spite of all this i got through high school and into university, twice in fact, but by that point the damage has been done. Mentally i was just past my breaking point.

My plan for last year was to walk the camino de santiago and once i reached the atlantic ocean i'd slit my wrist watching the sunset, but i chickened out and nothing came from it. I don't even have the money to do it this year anymore. The only thing that gives me some smidgeon of joy is playing guitar, but it's too little too late.

I'd do anything to live just one day in a world where none of the above happened and i was allowed to be happy.

>>42833918
you have to let go of the past TBeeHON

>>42833377
>*gives you the concept of Devaraja*
>*also gives you the religion of Buddhism, where wanting something = bad*
heh

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>>42827082
>>42831480
you guys are retarded and don't understand that people can lash out for reasons other than BPD you just love making everything about yourselves and the one single time a girl ghosted you so you say she has female hysteria now
>she was being abused by multiple people
NOT defending her and she's a bitch but you guys are RETARDS
Anyway I hope op feels better soon

>>42834082
No one said that anon was bpd though. It's the person they were talking about who sounds like a bpdemon.

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>>42833983

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>>42832228
>I don't know what I want
I know what I want. I want to be high and completely blitzed out of my skull every moment of every day of my life. I want to be fully anesthetized so that I don’t feel any suffering at all until my life finally concludes.

>>42826800
Oof yeah had something like that happen before and it's not fun when they start treating you like this. In my case she ended up doxxing me together with her new boyfriend.
>>42834082
I think at this point most people on this website use bpdemon as just a loose description of behaviors and don't actually mean BPD. At least I hope so. Diagnosing other people when you're not a professional is retarded anyway.
>>42834222
I think you misunderstood what that anon was saying.

>>42836497
isn't that just the same as being dead?

>>42825933
>Accidentally befriended a group of theyfabs
Biggest mistake ever. Avoid theyfabs at all costs

im lonely but i dont wanna type out an entire paragraph like the rest of these rejects

>>42838136
Don't be mean to your own people.

>>42836497
so I take it you HDG smut and thats why you feel this way

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>>42820608
Apologies if this sounds like the generic whining shit you get on this board, I never come here

I'm about to turn 19 and I'm starting to feel like my yearning to be born a girl isn't a phase I'll "grow out of". I have had a very specific desire to have been born my parent's daughter, go by what they would've named me, and live my life and upbringing completely the same as the opposite sex. Often times it makes me feel incredibly ungrateful as I was born fairly attractive and smart (and white), all around good genes I should be thankful I got but I really do despise it. I've learned to repress it to the best of my ability, but I see her/myself in everything: cis women, music, scenery, and my own dreams. I've questioned if I'm just a pervert who developed AGP from exposure to porn at an early age, but when I dream or think deeply of this life, I'm actually kind of grossed out by the idea of sex or sexualizing being a woman. It feels very disrespectful and predatory to myself and the essence of actually BEING a woman. I just want to wear dresses and pick flowers, or go to work, or read a book. A mundane life in a body I could accept as my own. I couldn't ever transition, I'm way too tall and long and my face is too masculine (though I've been called a twink many times by friends). All of my family and friends would ostracize me and cut me off. I want an end to this, it's already starting to become painful and incessant. Is there any solution or hope to this or am I forever trapped in this prison putting on an act to the world, like some kind of eternal jester?

What do

>>42838364
>though I've been called a twink many times by friends
hrtwinking is an option.
>All of my family and friends would ostracize me and cut me off
the advantage of hrtwinking is that you don't have to tell anyone that you're doing it.
Basically, lock in now and start working hard to afford to get the fuck out from the environment you're currently in.
>inb4 but it's hard
Well, tough. Most people aren't born rich.
Repping on hrt at least will prevent further damage.
Or, you can ignore me. See you in 2035 when you're so masculinized that no repper cope can work no matter how hard you try.

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i havent had a single person in my life in 2 months i used to be able to just distract myself and i even went 4 whole years but now its hard to care about any of that anymore the days are getting longer and longer and im reminded more and more of just how meaningless all of this is
i distanced myself from the only real person who actually cared about me then cut her off because i was jealous and couldnt stand knowing i wouldnt be important to her anymore and i was already lying to her just so she wouldnt suspect a thing but i started getting more and more jealous and i got scared i wouldnt be able to take it anymore and one day do something really horrible to her so i left her and even made her without a word and made her think i was doing fine without her when im really not
and now ive just started trying to move on and find someone else but i rlly cant i dont care about any of these new faces they all have other people of their own and i know our "friendships" will all last no more than a week before i go back to the exact same way as before and i really really really really really really want to die i dont care about getting a job i dont care about going to college i dont care about all the stupid distractions i used to fill the void in my heart with i dont care about people i dont care about my future i just want one person to myself thats all just one if i cant have that then none of it matters i havent actually thought about killing myself in over a year but ive been starting to have really bad episodes where i just cry and cut myself for hours wishing i was dead and i really really really cant take this anymore i started writing in my suicide journal again and ive been getting more and more convinced that thats the only thing i have left i wanna die i wanna die i wanna die i wanna die i wanna die i wanna die i wanna die i cant why wont anyone care about me am i really worth nothing? did i really go through so much just to be forgotten?

>>42838416
I've considered being a twink though I worry as a man I will be forced at some point to defend myself or someone I love so I currently lift and train to keep myself physically able. Being small would probably feel nicer but I don't like the idea of being considered inferior by other men. Thank you for your time though, I may end up going down that path

>>42838827
get a concealed carry permit. Also hrt making you weak is a meme from fetishists who think women = weak and get off on being weak. If you keep working out you can keep most of your strength. Most people in the US are horribly out of shape.

>>42838364
you have to troon, i'm sorry nona. if there was another way out it'd be all this board talked about.

>>42839608
Interesting, thank you.
>>42839656
I'm 5'11" with linebacker shoulders and big ribs :(

>>42839931
if you can't tolerate the thought of becoming an old man someday, which will happen if you don't start hrt, you need to start hrt. i lost the genetic lottery as well, and am at this point 'boymoding' i guess. though there is a lot to be said for how far makeup, clothing, and accessorizing can go i think. maybe none of it makes you pass on its own by it all kind of tips the scales in people's minds.

i've been quite lonely recently
i've got to make some friends i think

>>42840513
same v .v

i'm so lonely. i have people around me but i am still too scarred to open my heart and so i still feel alone. i'm almost thirty and i have dissociated my entire life away and sat in my room alone. i really don't know how to reverse course. it hurts too much when i try and so i retreat back into my shell. at this rate i feel like i will die without having lived a single day.

i think i fucking hate my job. ever since i was a kid i wanted to makes games and now that its my career i feel like i should be happier but i just feel drained and miserable all the time. im not able to quit until the current project is done which might be in a year or two. once im able to im leaving this industry behind and never looking back this shit is genuinely ruining my life to the point where im back on this place lol. also my boobs are small

I'll never get her back and I can't cope

>>42820724
How does it affect u? Like what do you have to do

>>42840791
why cant you ever get her back anon

>>42840799
because I'm a worthless nightmare of a person and too much of a burden to make anyone bear

>>42840803
true !!

about to shoot up for the first time my life is pointless

>>42840877
just snort it anon. unless u mean hrt, in that case im happy for u

>>42820608
i hate my life

>>42843369
samesies

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>>42820608
I was flirting with a guy online and he seemed to really like me until he asked to see what I look like and after an hour of him pretending that he thought I was 'adorable' he sent me the messages "Look Ill have to be honest your looks aren't ideal" "You'll have to lock in with the girlhood shit" and then immediately said we should just be friends because he wasn't attracted to me. What really confused me was why did he pretend to find me attractive just to switch up on me? Was I supposed to be getting hints that he wasn't telling the truth? I just don't understand.

>>42820608
I'm too afraid to go outside in public anymore without a surgical mask because I'm scared to death of catching covid, even more so than when the pandemic was at its height and I'm too ashamed to show myself at social events anymore because I look like an idiot wearing it so I've just become a hermit these past several months

>>42846338
He probably just really adored your personality and was trying to imagine a future with you in spite of his inattraction and then he realized that would be unfair to you and untruthful to himself so he stopped better sooner than later

>>42846392
oh :(
well thank you for explaining i think thats probably the truth. being an ugly tranny fucking sucks

>>42846416
Word to God it does

>>42846478
I'm genuinely really sorry you have to suffer like I do and it breaks my heart to think how many more people out there are treated like shit because they're ugly. i keep telling myself it has to get better eventually but it never does

>>42846416
what do you look like

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>>42846591
fat, wavy hair im still trying to figure out how to take care of, resting moid face because i never learned how to smile [pic related: drawing of myself except my hair usually has even more agp curls]
i always warn people who im talking to that im ugly but they never seem to believe me and idk why that is

>>42846655
wanna talk on discord?

>>42846684
sure why not, my discord's krungu5

i'm seriously considering suicide. i know it's stupid and that my feelings are temporary and that i am selfish and bad and that it would hurt people but it is always on my mind. life is so long and so difficult (it isn't, really; i am only weak and useless) and so painful to deal with. i fell in love with a girl all the way on the other side of the planet and all i can do is worry about it. all i can do about anything is worry. my room is a disaster. i haven't folded laundry in weeks. i'm not exercising consistently anymore. i don't even listen to the music i turn on. i wish i had someone who would like to fall asleep forever with me, in each other's arms, but i'm probably going to die in the bitter cold on rocks and freezing steel

>>42849159
if I get fired in a few months we can do it together anon. I am so tired of the constant struggle.

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i’m like a year+ on E, early 30s start. i pass / don’t get sir’d like 98% of the time now. voice is good. boobs are insane. body is redistributing hard (legs/ass got ridiculous). objectively i’m winning.
and my brain still won’t let me have it.
every time something good happens my first reaction is “ok what’s the catch.” like good things feel illegal unless i pay for them in suffering first. if something bad happens i accept it instantly as reality. if something good happens i interrogate it like a fed.
i’m tired of feeling like femininity is a performance tax. when i “put effort in” i get treated better, and instead of being happy i get pissed because i don’t want womanhood to be cosplay i have to maintain to be allowed to exist.
politics/legal shit is also getting to me. not because i’m gonna do anything dramatic, but because the constant friction feels designed to demoralize. sometimes my brain goes “wouldn’t it be easier to just go back” even though i know that’s just me wanting to stop being a target.
also my coping is stupid. i’ll be doomscrolling trans policy and then pivot to bean math or goth shoes because at least those problems are solvable.
anyone else have the “good thing happens -> panic” brain? how do you stop treating your own life like it’s evidence in court?

>>42849627
where do you live
i am in Northeastern USA

i do hope you keep your job, though, nonny. i hope things get better for you. godspeed

>>42826878
OP here back being annoying. I woke up this morning and looked in the mirror. I’m in my early twenties and my hair is already turning white. I’m gonna have salt and pepper hair by the time I’m 30. I’ve never held hands, been hugged, or kissed in my life. I’m worried its never gonna happen. And if it does that I’ll end up crying and freak out whoever I’m in a relationship with. I can’t bring myself to download dating apps. When he ghosted me and blocked me on everything I tried putting myself out there. But every guy was sexual immediately and didn’t even try to get to know me. When I imagine myself with someone I can’t even tell if its a guy or a girl anymore. I just want to fall in love and have someone to lean on. I feel emotional crippled and thinking about killing myself everyday for the past year is taking its toll.

>>42852799
i noticed my first white hair at 15 and at 35 i got like 20 of them it doesn't necessarily spread fast just because it started early

>>42852799
white hair is cool nonny :) in my opinion, anyways...one of the most beautiful women i ever met had a full head of white hair and she couldn't have been over forty-five. i guess i don't really know any white-haired young men, but they're probably cool, too...
i think you will find someone. you sound like a nice person and i have met some really sweet and kind and genuine souls in my life; there are people out there who will really love you for you, i am certain. i am a complete fucking disastrous train-wreck failure of a human being and a girl in my life says she loves me...if it can happen to me it can happen to you.

>>42850975
Im always waiting for the other shoe to drop as well. And it almost always does.
>>42852416
SF area

My uni course is going to kill me. I'm. So behind. I'm so fucking behind i don't know anything. If I fail my whole life is hinged around this, suicide is the only way out, but I did the "right thing' surrounded myself with people and now there are people in my life who ill ruin if I die so I don't even have that out. My whole worlds a pressure cooker

self harmed again after half a year, i have nobody to vent to ever im so lonely