No, anal sex is inferior anyway

>>42823660
why would that make you faketrans?

>>42823660
are you a boymoder?

>>42823660
desu me, even tho i have sex now anyways, would b much better when i get srs

>>42823669
i feel ashamed for being a service top and not bottoming because i am a male

>>42823693
well i feel like if ur pursuing srs even in the long term it's still trutrans. you don't need to be a dysfunctionally dysphoric freak like me.

>>42823693
>topping
i see, understandable have a good day

Leaning into anal now will guarantee better results for your mind and sexuality once you do get srs.
Also you need bottoming/being penetrated real-life experience anyway, again, for your mind first and foremost.

>>42823660
one would think that feeling comfortable as a male would make u more fake trans than anything to do w/ the particulars of sex tbqh

>>42823660
No, I completely get it, anal makes me feel like it's gay. But I do it anyway lol

I'm scared of bottoming, it took me months to actually start taking the prog I had because it's hard for me to be imagine being comfortable with things going up there. I feel like if I'm scared of bottoming I am not actually feminine because if I was I wouldn't be preoccupied about it. I would want to bottom but when I think of receiving anal I have a similar feeling to when I imagine my fingernails being ripped off in that I have a physical reaction as if it is happening, and wrt. anal not in a good way, moreso akin to imagining it collapsing and puilling my colon out of my anus.

Because of this I'm also a little scared if I ever had to deliver anal because I would project my fears onto the bottom and worry I am going to harm them through it and be anxious to actually do it; I don't derive pleasure from the thought of penetrating someone (though i if I was intimate relationship-wise with the person this would be subject to change). I am too preoccupied with worrying if what I'm doing is actually performing for them and if I am harming them; this is also true outside of sexual contexts. I feel guilty at the thought of bottoming too because I am using them for my pleasure when it should be the other way around.

Sorry for the blogpost but I want to underline the physical aspect being the reason why I'm averse in the first place.

>>42823680
de jure yeah but a de facto manmoder

>>42823719
I don't think getting it is realistic for me, so the fact I will always be like this haunts me

>>42823745
this makes sense

>>42823747
I'm only using E for the physiological and mental benefits so this befits me

>>42823759
The fact I don't do it makes me feel like the inverse, the fact I am effectively a straight male is the worst possible outcome in my mind.

>>42823909
>the fact I am effectively a straight male is the worst possible outcome in my mind
That can be changed. But through intentional effort and persistency. HRT helps but it's not the sole ingredient.

>I don't think getting it is realistic for me
Why?

t. straight man a long time ago

>>42823977

>That can be changed. But through intentional effort and persistency. HRT helps but it's not the sole ingredient.
I like to think I am taking steps outside of HRT but as long as I am boymoding I think I will always feel this, but I have a sort of Boymoder Realism where I cannot even fathom girlmoding (which also lends to my insecurities over my identity).

>Why?
I am unsure of my future and my intended paths are not financially fruitful (which I am aware of and am choosing to pursue anyways). FFS is definitely the most pressing surgical modification on my mind and I don't think I'll get farther than that.

>>42823909
anus is not for sex
you should get srs

>>42824041
>I am boymoding
That's bad, but it's not your biggest concern.
Your biggest concern is not transitioning mentally.
>I am unsure of my future
Nona, almost all of us are. That doesn't make it suddenly acceptable to assume failure before even starting. That's depressed malebrained.

>>42824077

>Your biggest concern is not transitioning mentally.
I agree but don't know how to do this

>That doesn't make it suddenly acceptable to assume failure before even starting. That's depressed malebrained.
I am extremely prone to defeatism + Boymoder Realism yeah. I know its bad and wrong but can't conceive of not thinking like this (tttt is definitely not helping in this respect though lol, going offline is definitely the healthiest choice but I am addicted again. Traded xitter for tttt and rotting on short-form content). and I am depressed malebrained!!! The only fembrained bones in my body i can lay claim to is being bd bpd and that's more a meme than anything. I hate myself for being cognizant of all of this yet not doing anything about it. I should change. It is possible. But I can't actually internalize nor manifest this, and even saying that forms a negative feedback loop lmao.

>>42824279
>I agree but don't know how to do this
Start with the easy things.
Mannerisms, walking patterns, language, posture and, yes, sexuality. All of these can be done while manmoding.

>am i faketrans fo..
no.
/thread

>>42824291
Language is my biggest barrier. Besides talking like how I did in this thread I usually have a very casual, frankly zoomerbrained, vernacular with people I am amicable with. I had this corrected for a little bit but I fell back into it, this is what I would need to fix in combo with voice training.
Rest besides that and sexuality I'm kinda good. Autism made me not pick up masculine body posture and locomotion well but that just means I have autist movement and positioning generally. Mannerisms is on the verge but I'm kinda neutral on it but on the basis of not being very expressive unless I'm good with someone.
So not actually feminine :p but not explicitly masculine for the most part (though I know this statement is not true in a wider social context).

>>42823660
>>42823693
Same? but not really a top... I am very very tight and can't relax easily. I also don't find the sensation of shitting pleasing, just my prostate getting booped by my husband.