>>43033752
>Mare is Jewish
>Begins the Grünschild dynasty

>>43033752
Why is anoncolt black

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tall anonmare

>>43033752
>Mom: 21 years old anon
>Filly: 37 years old anon
>Colt: 35 years old femanon

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>>43034174
go home transformer man

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iwtci hag anonmare

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Anonpony family for good luck. Congrats on another thread anonmarebros.

>>43034172
I like the way you think
>>43033799
That makes me think of those overpriced hippie vitamin gummies that're like 15 bucks for 7 of them

>>43034174
I'm interested in your thoughts on all of the anonpony threads, genuinely. I'd like to know your reasoning, what motivates your persistence? I've got a bunch of speculations, but I want to hear your own opinion, Anon.

>>43034304
Thank you! We all love a good Anonmare.

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I need a moment of tranquillity with a good natured anon mare.

>>43034967
>no hooves

>>43034986
>No hooves
>The anonmare is standing on four of them
?????

>>43035243
I'm talking about the monkey

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>>43035274
That's not a nice thing to say about a bro. At least the nohooves thing was technically correct. Anon(guy)s and anonstallions can be friends in their shared love of anonmares.

>>43035693
cute anonmare

>>43035317
Yeah we're apes, not monkeys

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Pre bed

>>43034513
It's a ritualpost, I can guarantee that the anon that posts that is another anonmare enjoyer.

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>>43036991
Nah, it's someone who has these threads rent free in their mind.

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Have a brick.

>>43037475
OH SHIT! Free brick!?

>https://ponepaste.org/11461
Any plans to continue? It's been a while.

>>43037869
I hope this story gets finished someday

>>43037475
OUCH! That brick hurt me head...

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>>43037869

>>43038349
Sad

>>43038729
It made my day being asked, though. Kind of a depressed Hearts and Hooves otherwise. I'm procrastinating on another project but I haven't forgotten about the green.

>>43038854
Fear not, as long as I keep going on tangents that make me go "heh that'd be kinda funny" I'll keep the thread alive with the shitty spa date that never ends

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>>43033340
https://ponepaste.org/11575
>You start to trot out but stop, getting yet another Trix to Ass encounter,
"Oh shit! Almost- hey watch it! Almost forgot...."
>The blued steel and lacquered walnut stock, tucked neatly by your sleeping bag, they call to you and you call out in triumph as you raise them high:
"My motherfuckin GUN! ...Aight now how am I gonna carry the ammo? My bags are..."
>"Probably in 14 separate pieces inside the spa's water system?"
"Yeah- which itself is in 14 separate pieces all over the county, heh..."
>"Ha ha... crap."
"Yeah, my bags were bargain rack rejects... Sorry about your hat and cape though...."
>You sling the gun like you did before. Now, what about the ammo? Box is too bulky to get a good grip, too awkward to balance on your back reliably even without the gun...
>Shit. You're almost lost in thought, broken by Trixie answering with a scoff: "The cape was, admittedly, rather cheap of make and material... The hat, though. You've no idea how expensive a GOOD hat can be, especially when it's embroidered!"
>Did she forget you know Rarity? Rarity is-
>"A GOOD-GOOD hat, for everyday wear, not some gossamer and lace fashion item to be worn once to a congregation of sycophants and ne'er again!"
"Whajaksdja- was it that obvious!?"
>Trixie says nothing, just trots up beside you with waggling eyebrows and her whole back half shaking from side to side like a kid that was told to sit still but physically can't so they settle on the technicality of their FEET not leaving that spot
>It's
>Weird?
>Probably meant to be seductive but the eyebrow waggling is pure comedy
"Trixie, I can't- the fuck are you doing? Having a stroke?"
>"Oho, if we catch Bulk at the right time we could BOTH have a stroke. WINK."
>You cease your ammo finagling, feeling like a complete fucktard as you notice the box is metal, has a latch, and a carry handle.
>So close the box and carry it already!
"Trrrmphie, mmmph ffpfpfmy-"
>Carry it AFTER you're done talking, fucktard
>P'tooie
"Trixie."
>She tries avoiding your gaze, fails, and gives her best Dumb Bitch Eye Flutter.
>"Ye-e-e-e-s?"
"Trixie. You don't have to start acting cute or talking about sex just because we're dating."
>She holds the blinky-blushy face for a few seconds before audibly deflating. "Sorry, you got flustered for a sec and... nevermind."
>Her face is cherry red and you feel a wide-on coming back
"Damn, that desperate? Been a while for me, too..."
>Basically a fucking lifetime but you don't know if you can tell anypony THAT
>Before either of you can continue the awkward pathetic flirting, your ears prick towards muffled arguing outside your tent
>Angry murmurs, pounding too- probably stomping on the ground, or running, or-
>>Davenport roars from outside- "QUIT PLAYING TIDDLYWINKS AND GET OUT HERE BEFORE SOMEPONY STRANGLES SOMEPONY!"

>>43033752
>https://ponepaste.org/11463
I noticed the story this is referencing wasn't in the OP story list so here it is
https://ponepaste.org/11239

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Pre bed

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>>43036984
Anoncolt thread got some amazing anonfamily art. It brings a tear to my eye seeing everypony together...

>>43040931
Anonmare looks tired, like she just got done making that baby
>>43040937
>How do I even comeback
Simple, make your mom real proud so she can be like "Did you? When? I didn't feel anything-"

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>>43038924
You deserve a medal.

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Anon forgot that winking is the sign of sexual desire among ponies

>>43041218
>Simple, make your mom real proud so she can be like "Did you? When? I didn't feel anything-"
You could also say I was inside her way more than you ever will.

>>43042075
>The next day
>The foals go downstairs to find dad sleeping on the couch
>Mom walks by, kids ask what happened
"Your dad thought he could beat your record but didn't think of how either of us were going to piss like that."

>>43042457
She's getting them from the marble factory next door

>>43041735
;)

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>>43042457

>>43043247
>>43043744
So she's getting them from Cloudy Quartz's pussy?

>>43039282
>Well that can't be good
>Leave the ammo! Take the gun, don't waste time getting it off of you, emergency emergen-
"GAH FUCK!"
>That would be the zipped tent entrance (tentrance) you rammed (I'm about to be rammed HELP HELP) into.
>Not hard enough to damage anything, but you might've gotten a black eye if it were wood.
>Trixie looks at you. Then the tent door. Then you.
>No head movements. Just slow, steady eye shifts.
"I panicked ok!? Come on!"
>Her horn ignites and the zipper moves, while she stares directly at you.
>Slowly, annoyingly, the tent comes open while you realize you've been trotting in place like an incontinent schoolfilly
>You stop with an awkward laugh and get down low, ready to move as soon
>As
>The
>Tent
"TRIXIE WHAT THE FUCK C'MON"
>Opens!
>Off you go, complete with a zippy sound effect-
>>"WHAT'S THE HOLDUP!? COME-OW! WATCH THAT LE-E-E-G!"
"GAH!"
>-Right into Davenport, who stumbles backwards and nearly falls until you grab and brace him. Seems to have a splint on his back right leg.
>Wait a sec, you touched your whole body against Davenport
>Davenport, the pony who got launched into his own shit, the shit guy, the Davenport covered in shit, That Davenport
>God
>Fucking
>Dammit
>Hey wait he doesn't smell awful- and his mane is shiny- and-
"Davenport where the HELL did you get a hot shower!?"
>Trixie darts right behind you upon hearing 'shower.'
>>"PINKIE BROUGHT SHOWERS YA IDJITS. Most of the water went to cleaning injuries so don't get your hopes up..."
>You and Trixie deflate
>>"Speaking of Pinkie, GO STOP HER FROM DYING!" he shouts, gesturing in the direction of-

>>43044171
>Oh for fuck's sake
>To your right, off in the distance, you can hear shouting. Two female voices- no, three!? What?
>The camp has fairy lights and a couple campfires, but the rest of the bathhouse is pretty dark now. Emergency lights must've died by now- poor fireflies.
>Still, lotta ground to cover from that general angle and Davenport apparently doesn't know exactly where the fighting is coming from, either.
>Sweep left to right-
>Right to left-
>Nothing there, nothing there, wait- it's coming from the grottos-
>You overlooked it at first, but on a second sweep, by the dim light of the last few poles, you can see Pinkie sheltering in the ruins of one of the soaking cubicles. She must've just now dared to peek out of cover.
>You can't tell what she's hiding from, other than it's a female voice- Flitter
>Must be Flitter. She's the only female you can't account for right now.
>Keep watching those cubbies, watch for a shadow or someth- There! Swooping down just after Pinkie does some kind of Tom and Jerry face and pops back into her hidey hole-
>Yep
>Yep that's Flitter
>Making strafing runs at Pinkie with-
>With Bulk as a weapon.
>It'd be fucking hilarious if-
>Okay it is kind of hilarious, he's screaming like a girl while being swung like a claymore
>But you can't let Pinkie get put out of commission
>But also, Flitter is a force to be reckoned with and the only power multiplier you have over her would be lethal force via grenade.
>You can't do nothing, you can't just try to talk without insurance- You do not want Horse Snooki to smack you with Ponny Bravo.
>What to do, what to-
>There's a certain neighborly cow gnawing on a haybale a few strides from your tent. Worth a try.
"HEY, MOORIEL!"
>"Yep?"
"You think you could tank a hit from Flitter swinging Bulk?"
>She contemplates for a moment, then: "Not sure anyone could- but he wouldn't dare let her hit me. Ayep, let's go break 'em up."
>Wait a sec- Trixie stopped breathing down your neck. You kinda need her crowd control skills, in more ways than one-

"TRIXIE! Where are you!?"
>Your ears angle towards a soft 'eep,' which becomes a bigger and guiltier 'eep' when you find Trixie hiding in her sleeping bag.
"C'mon, first place I looked? I thought we were cool with Pinkie now-"
>A nose pokes out from the bag. "Trixie may have ceased hostilities with a certain Pinkie Pie, but that does not make Pinkie Pie less fearsome- nor does it make less fearsome that which would openly challenge Pinkie Pie!"
>Wut
>
>
"Trixie I don't speak Neigh Orleans creole or whatever you were just-"
>"UGH! Trixie doesn't want to fight Flitter! Please?"
"C'mon, Mooriel's going to be our vanguard. Though I think between the three of us you're the most capable of physically knocking Flitter out."
>More noncommittal noises. A nose disappears back into the bag.
"It'd be great and powerfu-u-u-ul!"
>Grumbles and whimpers. A blue head peeks out, locks eyes with you, and the rest of the pony follows.

>>43043982
Yep, straight from the source!

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Inspired by a picture in the previous thread

>>43044856
To be fair, opossums are immune to rabies so it's actually cleaner than picking up a random stray cat. They also eat ticks and other annoying bugs and now I'm thinking of a bigass barn opossum that hunts giant magic ticks.

>>43044856
adorable!

>>43033752

>>43044739
nice drink anonmare

>>43040931
cute anonpony family

>>43045596
Arizona tea is the last pillar holding up the economy. I dread to think what will happen if the price increases.

>>43044856
This is great kek, I love how happy she is with her new best friend forever.

>>43044856
Tiberius!

>>43045005
Opposums are based as fuck
Immune to rabies, generally friendly if not threatened, eat pests and can survive on trash scraps
Hell, I'd have one as a pet if I didn't live in an apartment shithole and could actually afford a home for the little dude to meander about

>>43047114
sleepy anonmare

>>43042367
>didn't think of how either of us were going to piss like that.
The problem does not exist.

>>43047114
Does anonmare snore?

>>43047768
No, she's so fat she s'mores

>>43046509
Who is this pone on the right?

>>43048340
Okey Doki Loki, one of Jargon Scott's anonmare x shitcorn foal OCs

>>43048721
What a name, lol. I love her.

>>43050142
As a skunk

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pre bed

>>43050563
Get anonmare her couch!

>>43050985
Couch for the fat cooch!

>>43051502
working anonmare working very hard on work stuff

>>43044175
>And so, a cow, a mare, and another mare are trotting through the dark, a soft blue glow the only light between their origin and destination
>It's surprisingly quiet away from the camp, with only hoofsteps and the occasional sounds of distant conflict breaking up the calm
>Well, that and-
>>"Why is The Great and Powerful Trixie expected to perform!? And without her costume, or-"
>She keeps complaining
>Like, a lot
>Doesn't help that it's taking several minutes to cross a football field, but any faster than this and you'll trip on something.
>>"And furthermore-"
"TRIXIE! It's simple- Mooriel tries to scare them into stopping, and you punch Flitter if that doesn't work. Simple!"
>>"And how is Trixie expected to reach a flying-"
>She stops in her place, her eyes screwed upwards at her own horn
>>"-Oh right. Magic. Duh."

>For some ungodly reason, you kept walking even when Trixie stopped, and your boldness is rewarded by faceplanting right into some kind of soft wall.
"MMMMMMF- OW! MMMF! HLLP!"
>Aw fuck- your face went right in! Feels like the cotton candy crap again! And it collapsed tight around your neck! How the fuck!? You're stuck!
>The ground underneath you is still slick, so maybe put your hooves on the wall? No, forelegs! Distribute the force so you don't-
>Crunch
>Fuck that made it worse- you pushed your head farther up! And the wall is like fucking quicksand with a spine so of COURSE the hole your head is in basically moved with you!
>You're reared up a bit now, you can just kiiiiind of yank your forelegs free and-
>Nope
>Fuck
>This is just like that time Pinkie found you in her washing machine!
>Actually, it's worse- you had a legitimate reason that time!
>Well, if it's like the cotton candy, try punching in and pulling your neck down?
>Cronch
>Cronch
>Yerrrg
>HnnnnngOW
>GACK! NO! The malevolent fondant foundation has hardened in an attempt to cut your throat! Stay still!

>A big bovine mouth clamps around your tail and yanks you out of the soft, leather-crispy substrate
"The fuck is that? A taffyberg!?"
>Softer hoofbeats behind you. Trixie catching up- Christ, you can HEAR the tsk tsking even in the way she walks!
>>"Oh for- even Trixie knows better than to- what the? That wasn't there when I was diving!"
>"Ho-o-o-w on Earth can you tell?"
>>Trixie points at a set of heavy, armored hoofprints, and follows them with her nose to the ground until she's right at the edge of the 'berg. "Because Trixie walked right through this spot!"
>You all ruminate on that for a moment
"Alright, makes sense. Maybe a lot of sediment gathered here when the water drained? There's... yeah, that pink spot is a lot pinker than the rest? Some of those poles were still working... I dunno, could also just be more Pinkie Pie bullshit."
>"Yep."
>>"Indeed... Are you hurt?" Trixie asks more rhetorically than anything, leaning in close to examine you herself. "No fresh cuts it seems- nor any reopened."
"Yeah, I think I'm fine. Neck hurts though."

>>43052048
>And it collapsed tight around your neck!
>You're stuck!
Oh Celestia that would be a pretty grim way to die. Stay alive mares!

>>43052091
Pinkie could make a killing selling her bath bombs as chemical weapons, but unfortunately the spa's laundry detergent is a made-in-house trade secret

>>43049446
Cheers, Anonmare!

>>43052790
CURSE
OF
MAREBITS FROSTBITE

>>43053250
Better than curse of marebits hotfoot

>>43049316
>>43049446
that's a filly

>>43053894
A filly is just a short mare with a big head

>>43054153
ready for the equestrian wild west!

>>43054864
I wish I could hold her filthy, unwashed self in my lap as we watch compilations of Family Guy funny moments

>>43055272
>And now I, Princess Quaglestia, will use the Elements of Giggity to cleanse Princess Lois of her virginity!

>>43054864
32y/o Anon Mare distracts herself from the crippling reality that she let her life turn out exactly the same as it once did on Earth.
-Manehatten, Equestria, 8/16/2001

>>43054395
tired anonmare

>>43055676
Man why you gotta hurt me like that

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Pre groceries boop

>>43056152
Are (You) Anon Mare?

>>43056393
Servant Anonmare! Bring us some chicken tendies!

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>>43033752
Someone posted this in the anoncolt thread, is it finished yet?

>>43056988
Doesn't seem like it, sadly.

>>43056872
Anonmare can only afford chicken toughies (made with beak and feet)

>>43057430
It'll do!

>>43054864
she's just like me frfr

>>43058260
>50-something
unf

>>43052048
>Aight, back to walking!
>Nothing noteworthy happens the rest of the way
>Just you, the reassuring heft in Mooriel's steps, and the alluring swing in Trixie's hips
>Unf
>Coming up on the grotto now. Where once there was the nicest fucking bathtubs you've ever seen, now there's only walls toppled haphazardly like dominos. Beyond Trixie's light, you can make out lumpy outlines where globs of confectionary war crime have settled.
>The handymare in you weeps silent tears for the ruined facades and blown pipes. FUCK, come to think of it-
>>Trixie mirrors your thoughts before they reach your mouth: "Wait, if the spa was built right over the hot water tank, how long do you think Ponyville's water is going to be out?"
>You prick your ears up towards Mooriel muttering. You miss most of it but she definitely said something like 'cops' and 'fuel.' Trixie's ears turned, too, and she seems scared. Nothing major, but you're sure you saw her tense up at "cops."

>Anyway, came here for a reason- where the hell is the commotion?
>The group trots forward a bit, you swivel your ears all around, but-
"Huh. Haven't heard the fighting in a minute or-"
>Right as you say that, the shadows against the closest wall shift. Stepping closer, Trixie's light reveals the two pegasi you're looking for...
>But no Pinkie!
"Alright, break it up-"
>Flitter shoots towards you and shuts your mouth, speaking in a harsh and panicked whisper. "SHUDDUP! SHE DISAPPEARED! WE PICKED THAT FALLEN THING UP AND SHE'S NOT UNDER-"
>The ground rumbles and derails her train of thought. Bulk's head is darting every which way. Trixie is now hanging off of you. Mooriel can only mutter an 'oh dear.'
>>>Confetti bursts from a broken pipe, and out comes The Pink One, ammo case in her mouth and a bunch of rope and bandoliers tied around her body. "TIME FOR A SEARCH PARTY, BABY!"
>That fucking cricket again. Breathing. Somewhere, someone shits themselves. Probably Bulk. And then the deluge of words begins...
>>>"Yeah sorry, so anyway Flitter saw me sneaking Bulk some sugar (not a euphemism it was just sugar) and went on the war path, I had to play whack-a-pone for a minute or two before I could find the stage exits-"
"What-"
>>>"I went back to camp to hide behind you guys but you weren't there cause Davenport sent you to help me (he's really nice) and then he was like 'we gotta find a way outta here' and I was like 'well doesn't the reservoir connect to the rest of the Ponyville water system?' and he was like 'yeah' so I was like 'yay I love search parties they're my fifth favorite kind of party' (free cupcake to whomsoever can guess my favorite party :D) so anyway since you girls are already here I figured I'd just bring some rope and those dynamite things and we could head on down!"
>You're not 100% sure what happened next, though that's normal for Ponk Shock victims

>>43058260
UNF

>>43057430
What about chicken averagies? (Made exclusively out of the skin)

>>43058368
No such thing. Either they suck and they fall under toughies, or you get KFC/Bojangles skins and it's food of the gods.

>>43058260
She's so damn hot what the hell!

>>43058891
comfy sofa for anonmare

>>43059397
Kek.

>>43059397
literally me

>>43047322
Opossums fucking rule, but they only live like, two or three years, so they're a very sad pet.

>>43061850
happy anonmare with football :D

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>>43058324
>When the ringing and jibberjabber finally subside, there's a big hole in front of you. Everyone's gathered around, Pinkie is hopping with anticipation, Trixie is dazed and foncused- CONFUSED.
>And there's something heavy on your flanks. Besides your flanks themselves, of course-
>It's YOUR saddlebag! Or at least, a perfect copy- and the shot shells are in there?
"Pinkie-"
>>>"Rarity always keeps spares of our bags for 'accessory emergencies.' Weird, huh?"
>She bats her baby blues innocently, and you cannot for the life of you tell if she's bullshitting you.
>Both about Rarity having spare bags for all, and about Pinkie thinking it's weird.

>Flitter, having just blinked the confusion out, says "Alright, we'll lift you guys down there but I'm not going the rest of the way if SHE'S going."
>Bulk, apparently having flown off, flies back with a flare. Too plain to be Pinkie's, must be from the suit or the emergency kit.
You whisper to Pinkie while he wrestles with the igniter- "Huh, you're surprisingly cool about Flitter hating you-"
>>>She returns a look of utter bewilderment, "HUH? What? No! She obviously LOVES hating me- that makes us FRENEMIES silly!"
>Right behind her, Flitter's face scowls like she stepped in dog shit, shaking side to side so slowly you can practically hear her vertebrae creak like a rusty hinge.
>>>"See? She loves not loving meEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA"
>The entire party screams, ducks and covers as the flare assaults your dilated pupils-
"Oh fuck I can see the veins in my eyelids! DROP IT ALREADY!"
>>"ALRIGHT ALRIGHT DROPPING IT NOW!"
>You open your eyes and blink while making wet animal noises, waiting for your eyes to readjust to the dark.
"Fucking hell, Bulk! Warn us fir- wait, Trixie, why aren't you-"
>Your marefriend (holy shit) is not cowering or dazed, instead staring down her nose at the rest of you with her usual smirk.
>"The Great and Powerful Trixie works with explosives- her eyes have developed defenses against overstimulation!"
>
>
"Is this a bit? Are you- fuck, you're not going to tell me are you?"
>
>
>A sheepish attempt to shrink away from you. "Trixie noticed him lighting the flare and covered her eyes... Why didn't you!?"
>
>Fuck, she's right.
"Alright. Well, Miss Cunning and Observant, since your eyes aren't shot to shit-"
>"Yeah, yeah, lemme-" she gets down on her belly and cranes her head over the edge of the pit, "huh- it's not nearly as deep as Trixie thought."
>She shimmies forward and down, and you hear a hollow, metallic knocking. "Looks like a maintenance tunnel running right next to the water main! Pinkie was right!"
>Hot damn
"Alright! So all we gotta do is get to the water plant and tell someone!"

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>>43062336
>You wince, and get the sense that everyone in the dark is doing so as well.
>Hunched over, eyes shut, eventually, with one eye open to the ceiling-
"Well, shit- half expected something to explode or something. Ha..."
>Another duck and cover. Another held breath. Another single eye, opened slowly.
"No? Well shit, let's get down there before our luck runs out!"

>You and Pinkie start lowering your rumps into the hole. It's a short drop and some sliding down a muddy gravel ramp, careful not to bang your head against the piece of pipe that had been connected to that river pole.
>Your adrenaline spikes when the shotgun strap gets caught on that pipe for a second. You shimmy it off with little trouble, but it leaves you with shaking legs and icy veins.
>In no time at all, you find yourself in something not unlike a sewer walkway. Except way cleaner and not horrible because even the shit parts of pony society are usually nicer than on Earth.
>Before anyone can start arguing over going forward or backward, you see a massive cow ass lowering itself into the tunnel.
"Uh, are you sure you want to-"
>>"Dooooon't mind me girls!"
"Well I don't mind you, it's just it's a tight tunnel-"
>>"Well, if you're planning on sending a rescue team through them, it stands to reason I'll have to cross them sometime. Might as well dooooo it now!"
>She talks while she climbs, punctuating occasionally with grunts and scrabbles and squishing sounds, eventually getting her whole body in the tunnel.
>Not as tight of a fit as you thought. Funny, there's JUST enough room for her to turn around. Almost like....
>Nah. That's fucking stupid.
>>"Let's head for the water heater- it's gotta have some crew on it, right? And I'm cooooooooold from being wet and dirty for a day and a half!"
>Trixie starts to open her mouth, but shuts it and huddles closer to you
>Unf

>>43060493
yummy spaghetti

>9

>>43063308
Very busy anonmare!

>>43063308
Busy at the kitchen doing nothing?

>>43063705
Hey someone has to make sure that paint dries! You never know, living in the same town as Pinkie and Discord...

>>43064053
Rude.

>>43061259
cute vest, anonmare!

>>43065032
Birthday mare!

>>43065032
totally very happy birthday anonmare!!!

>9

>>43066032
>rape

>>43066926
anonmare on holiday!

>>43067453
Christmas has come early for Anonmare

>>43067992
cute!!!

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>>43044856

>>43066692
very serious anonmare

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>>43062338
>So begins the hour of boredom
>Trixie is in the lead with her light, Mooriel is taking up the back, and Pinkie keeps randomly hip checking you and waggling her eyebrows at you
>At least when that's happening, it's something-
>Otherwise, nothing to do but walk, jump at shadows, and politely ignore how bad you all smell
>Oh, but occasionally you're treated to....
>A SMALL PUDDLE! or perhaps her ladyship would prefer A STEAMING PIPE?
>It really has been an hour hasn't it?
>You could've walked halfway to Canterlot by now
>Stupid fucking plot-sensitive geography, stupid fucking transdimensional interiors
>Why is it that every building is bigger on the inside!?
>You're not even going to question how it's possible, just WHY is EVERY building like that!?
>It's not just the spa or the waterworks tunnels- Sugarcube Corner, Carousel Boutique, the treebrary-
>Oh, wait, there's ONE building that's as small and shitty as it looks- YOUR HOUSE.
>Huh
>Actually, not pissed at that. Kinda nice not having magical nonsense infecting your residence.
>Plus, it makes your house unique, doesn't it?

>Feh. Unique. Like it's a sideshow attraction-
>Come one, come all, to see the magnificent physics-obeying hovel! Marvel at how this sweaty fat bitch stores all her things!
>Lose your mind and your lunch as her sanity somehow survives the ordeal of... not having... to heat... a huge interior?
>Okay, you're not Trixie, you don't have her showmareship, calm down
>Christ, Trixie probably COULD make a show out of your house- come to think of it, did her wagon do that shit? You never saw the inside of it...
>(Are you suuuuuuuuuuure it wasn't in a season you don't like?)
>Squint
>Turn your head to the left
>A very pink mare batting her lashes like she does when she knows she's being cunty
>(I have a cunt so I'm always at least a little bit cunty, silly. It's just math- I'm part cunt! Just like you and Trixie and Twilight and-)
"Pinkie are you psychic or is this an element bearer thing?"
>>>"Yes."
>Goddammit
>Wait, shit, that was out loud!
>Trixie is looking at you with fearwilderment (dang it you beat me to it!)
>Mooriel is..... unfazed? Huh.
>Just another reason to like her.

>>43069739
Oh no! Metal fork in microwave! BOOOM!

>>43069186
Pretty much the most omnipotent Pinkie I’ve seen in a green. Perhaps Eldrich in nature.

>>43070002
It's ok, exploding will cook the food even faster!

>>43070092
But the microwave will be destroyed and anonmare needs it to cook food

>>43070433
Pinkie Pie probably keeps a prison full of microwaves she uses to punish bad food

>>43069739
Nachos?

>>43070918
Sad sack nachos- cheese just lazily piled on top

>>43071972
Delicious.

Lol ok

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>>43072034

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>>43072483
Thank you, my dear.

>>43072497
She made nuggets for the numget

>>43071396
Business Anonmare! Investing in the tendies.

>>43072912
Unfortunately, most ponies don't buy tendies so now Anonmare is sleeping on Dyx's basement couch

>>43071662
Cute!

>>43073870
nice

>>43073870
Thirsty Anonmare!

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>>43069186
>Clip
>Clop
>Clip
>Clop
>Yep
>Clip
>Clop
>Whole lotta nothing happening.
>Clip
>Clop
>Occasionally you pass by some tighter side passages, or a little side area carved into the wall, lined with pipes and valves and the occasional locker.
>Clip
>Clop
>What few signs you've passed are clearly some alphanumeric code for pipes and valve lines, you've yet to see ANY directions towards major nodes
>Or Processing
>Or EXIT
>Or even the damn-
>Hold up.
"So, Mooriel-"
>"Yep?"
"You suggested the water heater."
>"Yep."
"Pretty sure we were IN the town's hot water tank. Spa was built over it, then we sank?"
>Trixie's ears are pricked up. She's listening intently, almost seems... nervous? Hard to tell from just the back of her head, but there's subtle movements like she's trying to look for something.
>"Ayeahp, I 'member you saying something like that. I dunno-o-o-o for sure, but that'd make sense."
"So-"
>"So what?"
>>>Pinkie is suddenly on Mooriel's head, craning forward to look her upside-down in the eyes. "So shouldn't the water heater be UNDER the big hot water tank?" she says, without a hint of negativity. Like a kid saying water's wet.
>Mooriel looks a little pissed now. "You accu-u-u-u-u-using me of something or something there?"
>Fuck. Eyes forward- Trixie's tensed up.
>Something's gonna give soon. Just be careful, you all know each other, you can defuse this. Just-
>God. You never thought you'd utter these words even to yourself.
>What
>Would
>Twilight
>Do?

>>43074950
>GAG.
>Actually- Twilight would probably make it worse.
>She'd try to help by attacking a problem or something.
>She'd stir the pot without even meaning to.
>Yeah. Now is not the time for reading from some psychology journal or ancient friendship philosopher's memoirs.

>What Would AJ Do?
>....Eh, assume she's right (even if she is) and piss everyone off by being all correct about it, but in a down home sorta way instead of a nerd way.
>More sounds of arguing between Mooriel and Pinkie. Rude words relating to mothers have been uttered. Trixie is starting to wince at every word.
>Fuck!

>What Would Rarity- (EGADS! I HAVE NO IDEA HOW WE ARE COMMUNICATING AT THIS MOMENT, DARLING, BUT YOU HAD BETTER NOT BE IMAGINING ME IN SOME RANK DRIPPING TUNNEL! P.S. I hope the saddlebag satisfies your... ugh, spartan taste.)
>Yeah. That's- Rarity wouldn't be down here in the first place.
>Yep.
>Also, one point for that being an element bearer thing and not a Pinkie thing?
>>>"OH YEAH? WELL YOU ACT LIKE YOU'RE FILLET MINGON BUT YOU'RE BARELY ARBY'S!"


>Alright, panic time imminent!
>Uh, uh, fuck- What Would Fluttershy Do?
>Panic. Next pony-
>Pinkie. Pinkie just called Mooriel unfit to 'work' at the worst Taco Bell in the world. Jesus fucking CHRIST, NEXT!
>That leaves Rainbow Dash. Uh.....
>Hey! There's a much larger passage up ahead, branching off to the right. Smoother, with proper concrete instead of carved rock and wet sticky dirt.
>Sign's relatively legible and intact- kind of. MAIN B-?
>Well, it would be legible if Trixie's light weren't flickering in a breeze that makes your head itch.
>Wait-
>Breeze!?
>You're underground! There shouldn't-
>A gnarly sound, in the darkness ahead. The kind that makes your horsebrain want to bolt. The entire group stops dead in their tracks, causing Pinkie to tumble forward onto the ground.
>>Trixie glances over her shoulder at you, wearing the same worried face as you. "Anon, load that thing please. Mooriel- this larger tunnel. Probably leads to something, yes?"
>"I-i-i-i dunno- shouldn't we go together? W-w-w-w-hy split up?"

>>43075023
>The idea of using this in combat so soon puts ice in your veins, but needs must.
>You drop your saddlebags to use as a rest, lean the gun against one, grab a shell and-
>Well
>Fuck
>This isn't working-

>>"Anon?"
>"W-w-w-hy are we standing and fighting!? Even Pinkie's going all straight-maned!"

>Another blink in the light. Another flash of a cold itch. Another godzilla-ass growl.

>Hooves are shaking. You miss the chamber.
>Once, twice, thrice, GAH
>Breathe. Slow is precise, precise is fast.

>>"Mooriel- Anon and Pinkie fought an ALICORN."
>"Dodged one! And you never fought a-"
>>"An ursa wouldn't FIT here! A bear might- and Trixie HAS fought a brown bear!"

>NOW, the shell glides in. Pump forward. Ready to fire.
>Reach out with your magic, keep ready to fire while you load the-
>Hey! Your horn is working again! A little, at least. Your field of influence is small and weak. Enough to pull a trigger, even if you have to keep loading by hoof and mouth.
>Wait- your horn is working again??
>You realize now, that breeze was the first time in an hour or two that your horn itched. Or, rather, it's like-


>>"Mooriel, look, that tunnel CLEARLY leads somewhere important! You were right! Go! We'll be right behind-"
>"Kid, y-y-y-you're crazy! Stick tog-g-g-"
>Another flicker. Another itch. Another sound, closer.
>No. Not itchy. More like a leg you sat on wrong: Pins and needles fade as the blood comes back; but it flares up when you try to put weight on it-
>Another flicker. Weight on your half-asleep horn- not the weight of your body, but magic! A surge of magic from Trixie's horn!
>Trixie has been casting spells! Wait, why-
>Something horrible. A sound like an eagle breaking into your walls to steal your copper wire.
>As soon as Mooriel hears it, it's like her higher brain functions shut down, and she bolts down the larger tunnel, screaming about chupacabras.


>A few seconds later, a crash and an 'oooooof' echoes through the tunnels
>>"Ok, that'll buy us a minute or two. You loaded that thing, yes?"
>As soon as you answer in the affirmative, Trixie nudges you in her magic field, getting your little weapon emplacement turned around towards where Mooriel went.
"Trixie- I know you did something! What the fuck!?"
>>"Well I couldn't just stop the group for nothing and ask you to load your gun."
"That doesn't answer SHIT, Trix! What the fuck even was that!?"
>>"Heh, took some inspiration from you. Simple shadow spell to deepen a storage bay into a long tunnel. A TK field to mess with my voice, and good old-fashioned ventril- HEY! Keep ready to fire that!"
>"O-o-o-o-f. Ugh. Did I hear someone say they did that on purpose!? Soon as- bleagh, soooooooon as I find my hooves-"

>>43075147
"Wh-what!? Trixie, I don't wanna shoot Mooriel- The fuck are you even on!?"
>>She takes your cheeks in her hooves, "Look, you were right to question her about this place. It doesn't add up- we SHOULD be going lower, and it's been way too long to just turn back and go the other way!"
>That is true, but it's not damning on its own. After all-
"Fuck- Trixie, I don't- Really? It was a fifty percent chance, she just happened to make the decision! We'll get somewhere eventually-"
>>"Look, Mooriel is up to something. She knows WAY too much about drugs, she's less scared of blood than even YOU, and through the suit's communication network I was informed she's even had Pinkie Pie-"
>>Frantic looking around. She ends the sentence in a whisper quieter than the grave: "dumping bodies."
>Hold her gaze. Her face is more scared than ever, but her eyes are steady.
>Before you can answer, hooves clatter in the shadows. Mooriel's moving.
>>"I want answers, that's all. You with the gun for insurance, just in case it's ten times worse than I feared and she-"

>A large body stumbles into something metal, moves side to side a bit, then out of the shadowy alcove-
>An almost jovial voice rumbles out, "Yo-o-o-ou actually got me! Ha ha! Ha." as a scowling, stomping cow beelines for..... PINKIE!? "You'd better have a flank-slappingly hilarious reason for doing that, rat." She snarls.
>>>Oh shit. Pinkie is still Pinkamena'd. She's even shaking. "R-r-r-rat!? I only wrote a little bit down in my-"
>"YOU WROTE IT DOWN!? ALRIGHT, YOU LITTLE- oh. Heh. Uh...." Mooriel finally glances at you and Trixie. "Kinda... forgot you two..... heheh... concussion and- oh, that's the bomb launcher isn't it?"
>>"Yes, fully loaded too. Trixie will have answers now. What's your deal!?"

>"Kid, you have no-o-o-o idea what you're doing." She sighs, and continues in an almost offensively even tone. "Look, it was a clever trick, I respect it, just drop this manure and let's move-"
"Mooriel. What the fuck did you have Pinkie do?"
>>>"Buried dead-WOAH!"
>A raised hoof and a nubby horn close to her neck stops Pinkie from answering. "SHUDDUP, PIE. OOOOH, I'M-"
>You rack the pump, cancelling Mooriel's queued actions and establishing your authority. God, even in a world without guns, that shit just works.
>Doesn't even matter that you just threw out a shell when you have 8 more.
"Mooriel."
>No response, save the narrowing of eyes.
>A standoff, then. You with the gun, Mooriel in position to strangle or gore Pinkie. You can almost hear the spaghetti western music.
>Wait- why hasn't Pinkie done... something? (repeat pan repeat pan oh Nonnovar we're stuck in a repeat pan no mark or recall can function here, is it not too late for the mercy of Hanna and Barbera? lay down your-)
>Fuck.

>>43074429
I cant believe Anonmare swore! What if the fillies hear that word!

>>43075555
Then they'll be a lot cooler

>>43069186
>pinkie knows about the mlp cartoon
>pinkie knows that anonmare used to be an anon
>pinkie knows anonmare disliked certain seasons and refused to watch them
Too powerful

>>43076166
anonmare will take that vault that has lots of oats inside!

>>43076538
funny looking weapon

>>43076727
Yeah, inside her mouth, cuz she a fatass

>>43077137
Anonfilly is very angry that Anonmare is not listening to her

>>43077495
Deep down, she's jealous of Anonmare's ability to not be bothered

>>43077923
Kinda weird for a pony to have a red solo cup

>>43078159
im sure there is more off screen where Dyx brings her alcoholic beverages to drink

>>43077004
>The Mane 7 were gathered in Anon's yard slash workspace
>They were quite surprised to be invited to an unveiling of... some prokect
>Even more when she proposed making a proper event out of it
>Just a year before, none of them could have seen themselves being so... neighborly
>Especially not Anon
>But saving the world together tends to change ponies
>Regardless, Applejack had provided the cider, Pinkie Pie the desserts, Spike had roped the cutie mark crusaders into running a taco stand...
>Rainbow Dash pulled some strings here, conveniently forgot a few things there, ensuring the entire property was the one part of Ponyville not currently drenched and gloomy
>Even Fluttershy spent the entire week in intense ceasefire negotiations with the local ants
>Nothing was ruining this backyard picnicue funstravaganza
>The meal was served, games were played, but eventually nopony could contain their curiosity as Anon finally went into her shed and came out with...
>"Anon, is that ANOTHER infantry-scaled repeating cannon!? I thought we agreed you'd lock those up outside of emergencies!" Twilight said
>Anon cocked her head in confusion, but laughed off the accusation.
"No! I can see why you'd think that, but this is just an experiment in magical force multiplication!"
>She drank up the resulting confusion for a moment, then elaborated-
"A wand? Duh?"
>>Rainbow Dash hovered closer, peering intently at the object. "Not that I don't think it's hilarious- I do- but even I'd think twice before flaunting the Princess THAT hard!"
>Anon shook her head.
"Dashie, Twilight, I swear this isn't a joke or another tirade about gun control. Everything in this device is the way it is because that's what I've found to work best. Look-"
>She gestured at the gunstock and grip,
"Having this big tail portion and protrusion gives a lot of leverage and a lot of good angles to hold onto. And this-"
>She lowered the wand so she could tap the glassy square on top
"-isn't anything as crude as a scope or optic. It's a programmable glass spellbook- look, it's got stores of reactive ink you can use to draw all sorts of runes and circles and they won't burn up on use. It's like a spellbook and a scroll and a wand at the same time!"
>A few polite oohs and ahhs from the non-magically inclined crowd followed, but Twilight's jaw was on the floor.
>"A-anon, this is amazing! Imagine how many unicorns never reach their full potential, with tuition costs and time and- You might have just revolutionized the very study of magic! Just one question..."
"Yeah?"
>"What's the tube on the, uh, bottom?"
"Oh, that's a grenade launcher."

>>43078407
kino

>>43079478
mecha anonmare!

>>43078801
Anonmare always win the snowball fight.

>>43080426
Not even trying yet she still gets all the stallions.

>>43080186
suspiciously shaped gift there

>>43080853
love beeg anonmare

>>43081117
if anonmare doesn't look down then she shouldn't fall and it will be all fine

>>43081401
Wil E Coyote falls is advanced toon physics, is she truly ready?

>>43080645
I didn't notice until you pointed it out

>>43081739
lel it's quite noticable when its the odd one out of the square/rectangle gift boxes

>>43082961
Dumb and Dumber and Dumbest

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>>43083207
Nyx isn't dumb!!

>>43075148
>Seconds pass in minutes, through a lazy river of adrenaline
>You're doing your best to not shake too much
>Mooriel is made of stone
>Pinkie is practically a wet sack of straight mane
>Trixie is right beside you, doing her best to not shake *too* obviously
>...The fuck do we do now?
>The question hangs in the air. Nobody said it but everybody's thinking-
>"We both know y-o-o-o-o-u can't shoot me without hitting Ratty Pie!"
>Shit, she's right, what to do what to-
>>"Mutually. Assured. Destruction." Trixie's still shaking, but her voice is smooth and steady as time itself.
>Mooriel's facade cracks, and overcorrects into a scowl
>The scowl holds for a minute. A long goddamn minute.
>Part of you wants to strangle Trixie, but the fact that she was right about Mooriel-
>All you can do is hold the gun steady. Think- if you shoot it right behind her, maybe she'll take the full blast and Pinkie will only get winged a little?
>Fuck, then you'd have to drag her-
>Mooriel's cracking a smile. Even chuckling a little.
>A real smile, with her eyes too, not just a psycho grin. What!?
>"Hee hee hoo ho-o-o-o-o-o-o you two are nuts! First you got me with the classic paint-a-hole trick, and now greenie's the coldest bitch I ever met! Alright, I was gonna let you in on it anyway, 'fore the damn spa blew up."
>She makes a big show of shoving Pinkie right at your gun, and walks a little out of the way of your gun without getting any closer.
>You glance at Trixie. She's as confused as you are.
>"Alright, we standing down or not? Not my first time getting held up, y'know."
>You didn't even think this far ahead, you have no idea how to-
>Hm
"Alright, we'll make this simple- lay on your legs and I'll empty all but one."
>"All but one, huh?"
"If I really wanted to kill you, you already gave me your hostage."
>"Ha! Alright, hoss, layin' on m'legs."
>You wait a second while she gets down, not wanting to immediately throw your cards out, before pumping out the tube.
>7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1-
>You hold the bolt open on the last shell. Little show of good faith, give her a second to rethink her actions if she tries something stupid.
>Progress! Progress apparently looks like a cow going full loaf with Pinkie lying between you, muttering something about Tex Avery.
"Alright- so, what the FUCK is going on with you and, honestly, why are you still cool with me after.... well, my marefriend roped me into tryna kill you?"
>>"NOT KILL HER, JUST GET-"
"Shuddup, Trixie! Seriously- why should we trust you after starting this?"
>"Simple: taking things to-o-o-o personal is never good for business."
>...
>Oh for fuck's sake, Mooriel is staring right at you. She really expects-
"You'reworsethanpinkiepie ALRIGHT, and what business is that!?"
>"An entirely legitimate one-"
"Mooriel, I still got one in the tube. Push my hoof forward on this thing and it's ready to fire."
>She sighs and shakes her head at your saddlebags. "The hay you think the leather for that comes from?"

>>43083382
Dios mio.

>>43083713
Cute anonmare!

>>43083713
I want to cum inside Madragon's anonmare

>>43083961
I read this with the FAITH's Father García TTS voice

>>43084374
fishing time :D