Thread #34819860
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I always reach a point where the delusions of "everything will get better" just stops and I'm thrown back into the reality of my pathetic life.
>ASL
20 MTF, Penobscot County, ME.
>hon4hon
On HRT for 1.7 years. I want to form a kind of relationship with another hon. Everyone I know is a passoid that always cries about being a hon, when they either totally pass or have to change a very little and easy detail to fix. No one around me gets it. I'm fucked, I looked like a full grown man from age 11/12 and my voice dropped so quickly that my friends made fun of me, thinking I was trying to be a roblox e-boy. I need FFS really badly but sometimes I wonder what the point is when I've planned to kill myself by 24. What even happens after that? It's not like I want to start a family or have any goals like that, I work a shitty job six days a week and I dropped out of college couple years ago not even two months in.
My life is going nowhere and it was never going to, I tried killing myself when I was 12 but obviously it didn't work. I pretty much just cheated through highschool so I learned fucking nothing, nor do I have the capacity to learn anymore because of my own actions. With some of my body healing on HRT (below the neck), I've run into other issues previously unaddressed; extreme masochism, low self worth, and "traumas" for a lack of a better term. And that I feel so fucking empty unless I'm getting paid attention to constantly. I feel like my life didn't even start until I started HRT, and it's already over.
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>>34819860
CONTINUED
I want to find someone as hopeless and fucked in the head as me, another real hon and not a larper, someone who can get so attached and obsessed as I can. Someone that gets what it's liked to be ignored when your brain is like this, and won't abandon me. Maybe we can get to know each other, share our interests, hurt each other, go out together, cuddle, make each other feel safe, do each other's injections even though we both know it won't fix us, all until we've had enough and kill ourselves together.
My mood constantly changes every hour or minute, so it's hard to keep writing this, probably missing good chunks of detail I wanted, I don't even know if I'll still be interested if someone responds.
>Also some retarded interests I guess
Music I've been into lately: 12 Rods, The Dismemberment Plan, Depeche Mode, Oktoberklub and other East German shit.
Writing/Reading.
Driving on the freeway or rural roads.
>Extra Requirements
20+ Years old, been on HRT a reasonable amount of time to determine hon diagnosis.
Not anyhon further out than New Hampshire.
HONS ONLY!!! IF YOU'RE A LARPER I WILL SCREAM AT YOU WITH HONRAGE!!!
>Contact
.jvbug
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>>34819860
>>34819862
>I want to find someone as hopeless and fucked in the head as me
kill yourself, there are plenty already in hell rotting away
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