>>34429091
triple cheeseburger: EATEN
apple juice: DRANK
penis: JERKED
feet: STINKY
vape: PULLED
apple pie: BAKED
women: HATED
comfy mode ENGAGED

>>34429177
She living rent free that much on your mind. I don’t blame you. She’s fine and her personality is cute.

>>34429194
the only person living rent free in my head is Marco Rubio

>>34429207
Keep telling urself that u schizo

>>34429222
how did i piss you off so much just telling you about my great sunday night? why are you so angry about men having fun?

>>34429194
More like the opposite. She is edging to dreams she has of me

it's over.

>>34429230
The only person pissed off is u. I’m gud blood.

>>34429255
U wish. She’s thinking of me.

>>34429273
no man, you're insulting me out of nowhere, calling me schizo, you're really mad for no reason. its just sad. maybe spend some time growing up and and then come back to this website.

>>34429265
it was poisoned from the beginning because she was a less than human slut

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The only girl I "loved" is the girl the one I've never get to meet face to face, she doesn't even know I exist...
All the others I've dated, I felt nothing but lust for them, no emotional connection whatsoever

a month without any form of message. the last one linking to a zoo article of something we experienced when we were together. why do you taunt me?

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I am the President of the United States of America and you will respect the President!

Yeehaw!

>>34429177
Hey cum guzzler

>>34429351
what are you talking about

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>aboulomania

I've felt kinda fucked up all day. I don't feel real. Nothing feels very real. The world appears and disappears regularly. It disintegrates and congeals. It moves without regard. It shows no hostility and offers no consolation. It feels completely empty. If you asked me if there was anything, I wouldn't be able to tell you.

For some reason; I can't help but think back to how depressed I felt when I last visited Mexico in 2006. There's just something odd about that time that I can't quite put my finger on...

(I also got very sick and couldn't drink nor eat)

>>34429621
I have an address, I'm at XYZ, but I don't know where I am

Despite being a Star Wars fan since the 1990s; I'm still uncertain as to what Star Wars is actually about.

>>34429713
De wanna wanga

Im going to kill him
And slap the fuck outta her so hard she gets brain damage

I know you're doing coke because I found a sinus rinse in your home. I could not sleep thinking of the idea of you doing drugs. And I know you did coke during St. Patrick's day too, why else would you have a runny nose for 3 days after that? I hate feeling this way, anons. I don't want to lose sleep like this anymore. How do I give up on someone?

>>34429748
Who

10 more days and I'm off this coast. Gonna be long drive with unexpected company.

>>34429177
>triple cheeseburger: EATEN
>apple juice: DRANK
>penis: JERKED
>feet: STINKY
>vape: PULLED
>apple pie: BAKED
Damn right up until here I almost thought this was my piercer from today.

>>34429091
I'm just breathing air at this point. Fuck

I came here to post and i forgor
enjoy your night

nofap has made me legit afraid of masturbating and it's fucking stupid. I've basically conditioned myself to be afraid of pleasure from going too far with ascetic practices.

>>34429273
Kek. She dreams of me all day.

>>34429091
How can that annoying auDHD bitch get a partner and I can't even get a single person liking me?? Aren't I more mature than her? Am I that childish? She says her body count is in the 70s but she's retarded, how is that even possible.

I'm way cuter anyway なの。

>>34430499
You're insufferable, probably

Guys, I don't know what to do.
I'm in this new job for 4 days, and I'm already thinking about quitting, finding a new job, and killing myself.
And even if I quit, it's not like my mental state will be better.
i will be worrying about not having income, and still have suicide thoughts anyway.
Also, the job market is bad right now, so it's not gonna be easy to find a job.

Let me guess ur letting them out on purpose so when they do run away you can say "ooopsies, not my problem anymore" and wash your hands clean of responsability. Your sick. I know exactly what youre doing. Even before you do it!

Okay. Leg stretches for sore legs does not make the pain better.

>>34429091
I would try to look for stuff to start a criminal case at work and instead it got me questioned from my boss.

Its stupid easy to find contraband online and I was hoping to find some arrests.

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>>34430692
Sorry to hear.

Don’t kill yourself

When I said I loved her for who she was and I would love whoever she grew she into while together I meant it. I'm not the one lost on what love is. I don't need her.

Everyone is talking about Charles Thompson but nobody is talking about Bo Newcomb. They both died horrifically on customer's sites due to our company setting them up for failure, but they are sweeping Bo's death under the rug.
Charles got a moment of silence and a charity drive. Bo's death didn't even get a safety standdown. I had been telling everyone that how the company has been handling safety will result in getting people killed, and now we have two drivers deaths in two months. FUCK brenntag.

>>34429091
i masturbate in the office reguarly. One when i clock in, one just before the lunch and one just before leaving.

I like sincerity and freedom for people to be nuanced. A lot of life seems very counter to that. Culture feels tiresome and vapid. I'm not saying anything new, just remarking at the distance in front of me. Lots of cupping my hands around my mouth and trying to shout my most convincing "Haha, yeah :)" way over there.

This isn't freedom, just a different cage.

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I AM SO ANGRY AT MYSELF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I HATE MY INCOMPETENCE AND MY CONSTANT AVOIDANCE OF MY DREAMS!!!!!!!!!
I am addicted to distraction, my phone, my laptop, youtube, telegram memes, 4chan, playing chess, watching shows you name it. MY BRAIN FEELS LIKE ITS FRIED. I tried so often to stop. AGAIN AND AGAIN I FALL INTO THE SAME TRAP.
I am throwing it all away. I have these (maybe good) ideas and projects and I want to try out. But they just stay ideas and never see any following through on my part. I AM LAZY AND INCOMPETENT.
AND I HATE IT. I want to be productive and enjoy work and try my best at my projects. AAAAGH!
I know what is good for me. I know I should go to the gym, I know I should meditate, I know I should leave my phone as far away from my bed and especially during the night as possible. I know I shouldn't listen to music/podcasts all the time. That just feeds negative thoughts.
I just want it to stop and I want to be free. I want to be successful.
Nothing works and I am loosing hope. I have this vision of myself and I can't get there.

I hate my mom, she's a stupid selfish bitch.

>>34431131
Why?

>>34431095
Some people seem very attached to life's charade in a concrete way. I don't know what I'm looking at half the time. Everything feels devalued and dehumanized. Nothing feels important or meaningful.

Venting is pointless because it doesn't solve any issues. Just a temporary feeling like you did something when nothing has changed. It's all pointless

>>34431146
You learned that from venting THOUGH

I fell back into goonerdom a while back and never truly recovered. I have some kind of a psychological problem that evidently tricks me that I need it or something, even though I know it's utterly absurd, pointless, and even harmful.

>>34431146
Legitimately scientifically untrue

>>34430499
>auDHD
i've noticed it's a thing that both men and women like this always date a lot. it's because they meet a ton of people and lovebomb all of them. i wouldn't be so jealous though because from what i hear they never get to date someone who actually likes them

>>34431166
ok this post convinced me to start venting on gioyc again whether it's true or not. i believe you anon

>>34430893
She probably needs you

>>34431231
I believe what professionals tell me

I spent $60+ on food for my family out the goodness of my heart and nobody ate it :(

You did not run the dishwasher on Saturday night because I put all the dishes away Sunday morning and saw everything in there was still dirty. It was not run because it was not full. Why are you convinced you ran it? Are you confusing it with the fact you ran it Friday night? Do you not realize the dishwasher not being run is a good thing because we saved energy??? Why were you so mad when I said it wasn’t run? I wasn’t arguing, just stating my observation. You yelling at me and telling at me it was run just makes me question my reality and it makes you out as a wasteful person.

>>34431273
Oh and then you tell me to shut up for not dropping the subject. YOU WERE THE ONE WHO GOT MAD AND DEFENSIVE IN THE FIRST PLACE!!!

>>34431267
Those aint senpai, senpai.

Manic episode ended and I'm crashing hard right now.

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I want to know what feels like to be hugged by a girl. But I will never know this feeling. I'm loyal to my 2D wife

>>34431338
Fag. Modulate with caffeine and possibly alcohol. I take a day off from caffeine when i start getting depressed.

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>>34431363
Can I send a hug through the computer even though my armpits are sweaty?

>>34429091
I feel like such a fucking bum.
Just been on my arse since October doing nothing.
Basically becoming a shell fearing about my health
Finally got back on my feet when it comes to looking after myself, forcefully making space for myself
Just need some work
Only issue is, most Americans I know unironically are on $100k~ whilst I'm on paper earning £52k p/a I'm at best working 6 months out of the year and I just feel like I have no path, a mercenary who just does things and gets paid for it to survive.
Wish we were in the EU would love to just move away from this awful awful country.

Yesterday after the day ended and all my coworkers went home I called my giel in and had her jack me off and give me a good suck in the kitchen. They made the mistake of having me lock up the place everyday. But the thrill of doing this is so fulfilling.

the world is ruled by a 0.0001% of people that are actually conscious and can formulate an original thought

>>34431430
Doubt

>>34431426
Ew there's cameras everywhere

>>34431257
Then she wouldn't have changed her number and blocked me everywhere. She decided she didn't need me long before everything went down.

>>34431433
are you even conscious

>>34431437
not such a noob here.

you know everyone else looks down on you but i never thought that way for a second. all i ever did was believe in you and treat you like a human being. you even always said i was the only person to ever do that. everyone else only cares about what you can do for them. even your own family only cares about you in the most superficial sense, because why did no one ever do anything for you when things got that bad? people can say they love you and they care but who ever DID anything for you? who really took your problems to heart? who was the one who believed in you and pushed you and told you when you were bullshitting and called you out on your self sabotage? who was always a shoulder for you to cry on? who took an interest in everything you were and listened to every idea you had and tried to make it a reality with you? i believed in your dreams, man.

i thought you were so cool. i never thought of you as a pussy or a loser at all, ever. i never thought of you as your insecurities, i genuinely did not see you that way but i understood how it felt. i never thought you were stupid and i did not think i was smarter than you. i did not think i was more talented than you at anything, i just had the info before you did. remember all those times i sat down and told you how to do this or that? and it blew your mind that you could do it too. and you said no one ever taught it to you that way before, because no one ever considered how you thought or understood things. or even just cared to show you how to do anything so you could participate too. i always wanted you to know you had power over your life. you really could do anything you chose to, so think about what you wanted to do and who you wanted to be carefully

>>34431558
so it hurts so bad that you chose to do me like that. you betrayed me, you threw me under the bus when i was in such a bad spot in my life, you knew that, all so you can get what? the validation of people who DO think of you as a loser? how could you have said it meant everything to you that i respected you and treated you like an equal yet you screw me over for people who told you upfront they are using you the very first time it happens? wtf? it hurt so bad when you told me it was an offer you couldn't refuse. how the fuck was that an "opportunity" in any sense in your mind at all? they told you to fuck with me and you did it because "what else were you supposed to do"?? oh my god. all of this for WHAT exactly? for WHAT. to be isolated, controlled, and abused? AND you have to live a lie to maintain this too? why do you choose to do this to yourself? of course when it happened you "didn't want to" and eventually much later you realized you fucked up. great. and now you're apologizing to me, fine. i appreciate the risk you're taking to do that, and all the info you've given me to let me decide the next move. you and i both know i have the power now to expose you and really ruin your life. i could do so much damage, i could take away your job and where you live and tell your family about this too. i could extort you for money. i could do a lot to hurt or use you and benefit myself you know? and i have all the evidence. even if i beat you up you have no option but to pretend like i didn't because of all the lies you've tangled yourself up in. people get killed for way less. i could straight up lie about so much stuff too to really end your life and everything you have, it would be so easy. it would be easy to convince you of it too. but you know i'm not like that.

>>34431564
>>34431558
just jack off. wank it a little bit.

>>34431564
i've dealt with the fallout myself. even dealing with the anger and disappointment. that took a lot from me. but i've dealt with everything you did and cleaned it all up on my own without telling anyone. and honestly? i came out stronger and more confident than before because it's so clear to me now you did not do this to me because i was weak. how could i be? everything you did could not knock me down. everything you did makes it so clear to me now that i was so right and good to be who i was, damn i am so fucking cool to take care of everything how i did, i really am the one doing all this shit! i never lied about who i was, i never betrayed a friend. i would never in a million years did to you what you did to me. i never ever did petty shit like this to anyone in my life DESPITE the disadvantages i had compared to you. people like you can talk all day about having dignity and standards and morals all day but i actually live by it.

and honestly? karma happened to you the moment you decided to do it. because god knows you're miserable now. you feel so lost, you're swarmed with shame and guilt and there hasn't been a day since where you could relax. isn't that why you just had to come clean about everything to me? it just wasn't worth it, was it? to do it to me of all people, the person you're asking advice from to get out of your situation? i can't say this brings me much satisfaction as i thought it would though, i genuinely just feel bad for you. life is really hard for someone who has no convictions. it kind of just forces you to become a snake in the grass whether you realize it or not. it makes you less of a man.

i forgive you, i can get over the betrayal. i can get over losing my best friend. but your punishment is worse because it's who you are. i still hope you have the strength and mental flexibility to become a better person though. when that happens i would want you to forgive yourself and move on. good luck

>>34431558
>>34431564
>>34431626
What are this persons initials

I can socialize pretty alright (I think) sometimes, so why do I some days feel like I couldn't be capable of it and even feel overcome with anxiety about the prospect? I know I need to remember to not fret the chicken shit, but at the same time, I wonder if Icould do social DAMAGE if I don't have any worry. I certainly don't want to become insincere or become parody of myself in my autism or something like that. I feel like I need to crash out repeatedly to refresh myself.

Only two times I saw Tammy pull out the camera was when I was acting funny looking unserious and recently after my energy has all been drained and I have no idea what to believe. I don’t think she ever captured the moments where u could see how serious it truly is.

>>34431827
Like I don't want to get too comfortable and kick fully into expediency mode then start talking like a wetiko merchant. I suspect I'm an introvert ut I just happen to have the capacity to be outgoing sometimes. Lord help me!

>>34431838
Saying awful things to them with no passion or emotion. Just disapproval, disgust and confusion. That is the angle they were looking for I think.

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Why i cant stop to think i have done something horrible and in any moment is going to blow in my face and everything it would be gone forever

And my brain isnt helping neither by making me imagine scenarios of what it could happen, possible victims, making me feel guilty all the time, like i was a real monster and make me wonder if that is really me or did i have a snap and i dont rembember doing anything like that, making me see the tinest change in the interaction with people make me see it as a flag like everyone know i did something wrong but not me

>>34431827
>>34431842
I have a similar problem. I have social anxiety so it's hard for me to talk to people sometimes but other times it's not so bad. Still, I think with the way that I am, I can be off-putting. Idk how to be a normie. I'm too anxious and self-hating deep down to just come off as a confident, socially graceful person.

But I don't want to commit social suicide by crashing out at people who treat me like shit because I probably come off like an autist too.

good advice is rare. bad advice is given in spades. you are better off listening to no advice.

I’m glad that spring is here now so that I can ogle women wearing skirts and shorts

I just wish it was okay for me to tell you that I love you.
I wish I could tell you that the last thing I talked to my grandfather about before he died was you.
I wish I could tell you that he asked when he would get to see you again.
I love you and that is not going to change.
We both have things we need to fix about ourselves, I know. The thought of holding your hand again is what keeps me going.

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>>34432046
Very similar here, though I have a capicity to internalized doom max, and schizophrenia/self delusion max, thought I don't know if either of those things are good. I can't really describe the latter but the former, doom maxing, is basically considering everything over, but then, in the midst of that losing your reason to care about anything, following which you have the opportunity to overcome that doom by the very fact of your continued existence in it's contrast, however, I don't really recommend this approach to people, because it perhaps creates another problem, which is internalizing potentially harmful beliefs, beliefs that limit you in another way. Sometimes I just feel a need to lock myself away and wallow in my own quiet despair until I feel reachable or I feel kind of timid, then I can just goof max. I dont know. Sometimes I just deal with some amount of fear of fucking up something good that exists between me and another person, or squandering something . It's going to take some experience before I grow confortable. I hate myself and I'm not forgiving of myself most of the time. I don't feel long for anything at all sometimes. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t3KFtu5K8lA

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The world is a harsh, violent, uncaring place.

But I don't have to be.

>>34432138
I could easily be experiencing entirely illusory problems that are a product of being lost in my own thought. I don't have much more than my own mind and self refference 99% of the time though.

>>34432172
Then again it's weird I deal with this at all. I'm left with an unsatisfactory sense that the way I am is just fucked.

Why do you have to set me back to srs level one if I miss the question once?

being 99% happy with something is great until you can’t help but obsess and dwell on that 1%. nothing could have convinced me to not poon out but it does bum me out that i'll probably never get a bf cause of it.

I'm perma-fuck ugly lmao, it's over forever, allegedly.

>>34432365
Weird thing to be cursed with piss poor genetics and irreversible ugliness. I wasn't made for this life in just about every way I could have been. I'm a gross freak by my nature, an absolute goblin. I should be typecast playing hunch back big nosed recessed chin little goblin creatures in LOTR sequels. I'm the spitting image of a lesser creature. I'm a fucking untermennsch. It's like a missed the platonic ideal for a male by 6 out of 10 points. I feel like being a male just seels the deal for me being a fucking walking joke. I don't know if I disgust others as much as I do myself but it's likely no woman could ever like a fucking genetic mistake like me. Everything about me is fucked through and through. Flat chopped and it's only going down hill. Might kms before 30.

I'm the fool for playing into these delusions that you helped construct.
Your nature is vile like everything else in this world.

80 bloody degrees in here

How can I learn to not be ashemed of just fucking being myself? Why do I feel so battered?

masturbated in my classroom and cummed on tissue paper. last bencher here and no one noticed. would do it again 10/10 experience

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What are you afraid of Gordon? We were never in a relationship and never had sex. Am I supposed to feel anything but a little funny that you want to insist I be friends with your tranny polycule? For all the time you've been with them, I've still got more /played time in WoW terms than those dudes with you, and they probably know it too. I have been extremely gentle to this guy you want me to talk to, but he just talks about his jealousy and all this garbage and then removes me anyways. It's not a competition. I don't care about who cares about who, and I am not part of this polycule or want to be.

And by the way I still look up to you and think of you as a role model of how a person should be. How often do you hear someone say something like that to you? Or is it just me? I never said when that role model of mine existed though, but that shouldn't matter should it lol.

No matter where you are in life I'll always think of you as my equal in everything. It doesn't matter to me what elo we are, what job you might have and I don't, or what job I might have and you don't. Those thoughts were your thoughts when we played, not mine. I was happy to play with you all the time in league, although I am allowed to flip out and rage if you invade red buff lvl 1 and die for the 10th time in a row, as you are not allowing us to stop at the same time until we get 1 win. I have a very Daoist approach in life now having my college entirely paid from my parents after sitting here for a decade doing their wants. The farther away from home you go, the less you truly know. Or something like that, it's in the Tao te Ching by Lao Zi.

I didn’t expect to see your friend request, I was surprised when I saw it. It honestly touched my heart to see you wanted to be my friend.

I miss you m. It's been 5 years and still you are who I think about laying on my chest in my arms every night falling asleep

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My life is terrible and I hate it

My promise was I wouldn't let go if you didn't let go and you did.

>>34432643
Same

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This relationship was a gamble and I'm not a gambling man

I thought it would be a relief, but the breakup being amicable hurts more than if you just yelled at me and called me names. At least then, I could be happy about it.

I'll miss you, even though I know it could never work out. I hope you do well in life, you deserve it.

I didn't realize my life was on a track this whole time. And I will keep going in the same direction until I die. I don't hate the path I'm on, but it's so crazy that it's the only path I will ever be on. I have but one life to live, and I cannot live another.

HOLY SHIT there is a bee in my room

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I feel like all I want to do, all i can do anymore, is complain about my eating disorder. Thankfully, the more i engage in it, the more it stifles my desire to overshare with others (at least when my name is attached to that oversharing). Nevertheless, there's something in there that generates a deep amount of sadness for me.

My therapist, though she's a great one, is a false hope in terms of recovery. Not because she isn't adept, she very much is, but because you can't save those who don't want to be saved. The hard truth of it is that I get more out of anorexia than i do without it. I can't and won't give it up. So I pound against the bars of my prison like i'm doing now, tired of pouring my heart out to strangers yet feeling like i have to say something to ease my horrible, heavy heart. The heart of someone rendered mute because i know now that saving me is not possible. I knew it was too late when i was thinking about how this might kill me and my only thought to that was "I'd rather die than go back to pre-anorexia" and i mean that sincerely. There is no going back and there is no recovery. I keep ranting as if someone will have some magic solution but the truth is that there is no solution if you don't want to be helped. I'm doomed. The monster is out of the box and it's never going back.

"You can't have the good without the bad" is such a fucking cope. 99% of the bad is unnecessary conflict caused by emotional toddlers masquerading as adults

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>stop masterbaiting to fix my life
>the very first night i can't sleep and as i lay in bed my brain recounts to me all the times i was betrayed and abused especially as a child and tells me in great detail how it will happen again, imagining all the scenarios and details of such imaginary future abuse while using the past as proof that it will happen again just as it did
>wake up the next day after a very rough night of being unable to sleep and do some of my chores and buy new clothes to help me start a new life
>suddenly work needs a report in 2 days
>>my house mates move the wifi away from my room again even tho i always try to put it in the middle so i get at least a little bit, meaning i can't play vidya or do anything besides, very conveniently, masterbating or browsing 4chan, 4chan being filled with pornbait threads
>all the stress doesn't help
I want to cry, why am i always pushed down at every turn when i try to do the right thing? Even if it was easy I'd struggle why does everything go so horribly wrong? Maybe I'm a piece of shit somehow and maybe i deserve to be hated and abused but this is too much, i just want to be normal and yet at every turn everything happens in a way that fucks me specifically over, and whenever i ask for an explanation or for help people just scream at me or do something horrible to me i don't want any of this i just want to be better

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>>34433477
AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH

>>34433552
I haven't fapped in a few days and I am feeling similarly restless and bad about life. But we've got this anon.

I could have been beautiful, I could have loved. I could have known all shades of my blood, I could have smiled back, held my hand, try to breathe without being terrified of myself. How could I have known? I must have seen, this side of me, scared and lashing out. So convinced of being dysfunctional. Misguided, barely spoke, already couldn't dream or hope. I could have believed, in silence of my memories. I could have loved, what you saw was just what I couldn't see. I love you, I don't understand the feeling, but I am alive because of you.

Not a ton of posts on the board. Makes me wonder who got banned.

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>>34433827
>But we've got this anon.
Based, im playing vidya now to distract myself, I'll sleep late and deal with the annoying shit tomorrow. I think i just had an episode earlier, i feel a bit better now, i know it's worth it but it feels hard somtimes when stress piles up and you feel like you're being punished for trying to do the right thing

With you there's plenty more Heaven
You're just on my mind twenty-four seven

pounded another quart of general tso's chicken, feels so good

>stop talking to them
>haven't spent a single day depressed, hating myself, angry, ruminating, no intrusive obsessive thoughts etc

damn. i didn't even know i was such a happy person normally. i'm ashamed to admit it but i don't want to talk to them ever again. i mean, i don't even miss them at all. i had an epiphany today, that i really don't have to make them a part of my life if i don't decide they are. they don't have to be "real" to me even. everything that happened, everything they said, it doesn't have to mean anything as long as i decide so. sure i can be the most important person in the world to them and they'll never forget me and whatever but that doesn't mean i have to make it my problem. and the thought made me so happy like i could breathe again. i feel like it changed my life and i was so happy i wanted to cry. it's just messed up to feel this way about someone who loves me unconditionally. i know all you wanted to do was love me and support me and see me happy, even if it means you have to do it from the sidelines. but i can't even honor that for you because honestly it makes the happiest to imagine we never even met. i don't want to talk to you, i don't want to hear about you and your life or share my life and thoughts with you. i'm sorry and goodbye

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>coworker calls me
>invites me to his art studio
>he typically has small groups over, they do drugs but he doesn't, it'll be cool to see him at work in his real vocation, or maybe it's to talk work
>show up, just me n him, aight it's neat to see the place in person
>after pleasantries he just immediately starts in on asking to eat me out, rim me, wants to smash
>launches into this monologue about how he is addicted to pleasure and gets off on pleasuring others
>asks me if I'm a freak (he knows I am), says that's why he invited me
>keeps asking if he can eat me out, says he wants to taste me
>already know from past convos he ruthlessly "courts" chicks he wants to smash
>goes in for kiss, fend him off, he asks what'll happen if he goes for it anyway, I tell him I'll gouge out his throat
>convo turns into 20 questions where he's trying to find out how much experience I have, when the last time I did xyz was, keeps offering to do xyz because I haven't gotten anything in years
>hell no i have to seem boring and undesirable to put out his flame
>keeps bringing up that he wants to eat me out, talks about my body, says he wants to smash at least my ass, asks me if I masturbate
>lie about virginity bc lord knows I don't want him any more crazed for me than he is
>kind of laughing the whole time because if I answer his questions honestly I know I'll be on the sex equivalent of a hit list
>practically pulling his hair out, he really thought we were gonna get it on and now feels denied a trophy he was set on having

>>34434055
>he calls a ho to come to him for after we're done talking
>accuses me of being lesbo, not the first time, tells me people at work have asked him that too, he tells them no, asks what kind of men I like if I don't like him
>tell him he already knows I had a crush on a coworker
>he plays stupid, I go with it, he teases me, asks if I want him to set it up
>hell no i don't need that shit, crush ignored me for like a decade just to get baby raped by a ons, he can go fuck himself
>concept of dignity is foreign to him, he can't believe I wouldn't go for it if crush moved on from baby mama
>says this offer might never happen again
>ends convo with work talk
>not sure if/what the ulterior motives were with asking about my crush, know he was talking about my body and sex acts to try to get me turned on, know he was serious about just a casual fwb thing outside of work
>completely baffled by the event
>feel weirdly closer to him afterwards anyway, maybe because it's a weirdly intimate thing to even have to discuss that shit with someone
>kind of wish we could discuss it but no way he'll acknowledge any of it where someone could overhear

>middle of the night, I'm asleep
>start feeling turned on, start to surface as I near climax
>literally feels like someone is tonguing the hell out of my labia, and not in a way I've experienced or fantasized about
>could even visualize what was happening before I woke up
>don't have the guts to ask him if he was thinking of me while he was eating his ho out
>but it was very different from astral sex (which I've done once unintentionally), or my past wet dreams
>unironically feeling and acting like I had a good fuck in the morning

every guy i've met named Michael has been cool so shout out to all the Mikes in the thread right now and also Brian you always just mind your business and wear glasses and i respect that. but FUCK everyone named Nick if your name is Nick kill yourself

Limerence is better than real love

>>34432069
I don't know about that. Sometimes the stuff my grandparents say is pretty damn good advice you catch it right.

>>34434078
True love is better than limerence but it's so intense that it can be mistaken as limerence

>>34434124
What do you mean by limerence?

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i don't know what's wrong with me.

>>34434071
Nickbros...

>>34434071
Mike's are naturally submissive and should be bullied into being that way with you.

>>34434128
Soulmate love, loyalty, can be mistaken as limerance from others outside. Ignore them.

>>34434246
Have people like you ever thought of punching a pillow instead of lashing out at others when they encounter turmoil from the stressful days they always have? Are you going to justify murder next from how stressful your day was?

>>34434249
That's something I'm never going to encounter anon. There's this guy who is fun at parties whom women find a hell of a lot useful and can lead them to a life they find cool. Me I put a heavy anchor on their legs and give them a life where they do my dishes and laundry with a screaming kid in the background while I just play Counter Strike loudly and yelling, "LEAVE ME ALONE I'M BUSY!". God I hate myself for being that. If I could I could back in time and try to do basketball instead of feeling sorry for myself in school.

>>34434071
>>34434158
damn lmao, brb kms i guess

You said you moved on months before but all you did was cover it up with someone else. And now 10 months later you are going to try to just pretend I never existed, still acknowledging that I loved you completely. When it sets that I'm actually gone forever, and your delusion you've built to hide and paint over your problems instead of facing them come crashing down around you putting you back to square one, you will be living in the innermost circle of hell imaginable. And it will be deserved. All of the lessons you could have learned from mistakes I made. It didn't have to be this way. Remember that.

I gave into depression and ghosted my only friend late last year. He has always been so productive and virtuous despite his environment. Medical field, taking care of strays, we bonded most over plant husbandry and animals. I can't weigh him down. I couldn't keep up the illusion of resilience he seemed to admire and appreciate.

pretending you dont exist so you cant hurt me again

>>34434473
trauma and adaptation
thank you for sharing

>>34434473
Also fuck that person that hurt you (not in the sexual way, you know)

mikebros... we WON.

Never trust someone who refuses to have kids or got neutered before having any. If their only desire is to live a life for themselves, how can they be expected to love anyone but themselves? Not every couple who has kids stays together to old age, but every couple that does has kids.

with how divorce rates how that is bullshit

I just can't get it out of my mind and heart. I've been waiting for so long I understand I'm not perfect. But I've waited and thought I deserved someone in a similar position or mindset. And you are perfect to me, I love you. But why. Why were you so stupid when younger... Why did you decide to do that? Why couldn't you just not do it? Why did you go completely against your convictions and faith in this occasion, for this person, who is abhorrent in so many ways. And worse of all, why is all that trauma after that ended now my problem? Why am I accused of what that person did? Hunted and watched like I am that person? Why do I have to deal with the fault of someone else? It is just sad and frustrating. I can't get it out of me, not in a way that makes me exhale and leave it behind. Cathartic. Not for me. I'm left on my own. And you pretend like it never happened, that person never existed, yet you told me in detail what happened. Now I'm left with the trauma, the consequences and I am on my own.

>>34434529
True

>>34434574
Speak for yourself. You are not my voice and your narrative spun could be empty falsehoods meant to demoralize and cause reactions

Why do I think about you so often, A? We chatted daily and met a few times.. but I can never get the thought of you out of my head. Will the future put us together again? I promise to hear you and come to your call, this time.

You're a gift without the season of giving
Sometimes I feel like you're my reason for living

I'm philosemitic and there's nothing you can say or do to change my mind on this.

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>Dad passed away this exact day, last year.
>he was not a bad father but a not a good husband anyway you look at it.
>try to keep only good memories about him, mom tends to do the same
yeah I miss him, wish we talked and spent time together a lot more

Estranging my family is hard but it has to be done. I can't fucking do this shit anymore and I know they will never change.

>>34434780
I can't imagine how it feels to have your dad pass away... That shit sucks man, I'm sorry

My PCOS has become so much worse since turning 30. I just got the shivers and literally felt my mutton chops and mustache on my face stand on end. What the fuck hahaha. Just call me fuzzy wuzzy. Thank God the hairs are white blonde because I just can't be bothered to shave every single day and I have too sensitive skin to wax and am too shy to get electrolysis

>>34434780
I can't imagine how it feels to have your dad pass away... That shit sucks man, I'm sorry

>>34434863
Look up milamend. It's worth it, at least trying it. I've been using it for 7 months and I'm still noticing an improvement with each cycle, but I noticed an improvement within 2 months.

I should be brave, maybe a bit bolder
Tell the truth though, gotta get colder

t

>>34434941
What's with the middle finger?

I found out that some guy who has been making cool music for a decade is very close to my age, meanwhile all my attempts to leave my shitty job and do something with my life seem destined to fail. Despite the long hours, I'll never make big bucks in this job, but I can't pick up any other skills because of the god-awful work life balance.
I'm just waiting for death at this point.
Also, fuck this slow-ass captcha.

>>34434780
>he was not a bad father but a not a good husband anyway you look at it.
My dad was the same, but he was the best my mom ever had and she knows it.

1) It's never just one bad thing. It's always a bombardment of shit I don't want all at once.
2) I think I'd prefer it if you just ignored me completely. You send so many mixed signals that I never know how to interpret.

I'll leave this shithole, and I won't be back tomorrow. In the end I was the one who won (once again).

Thanks for playing.

I can feel it in the air. Time's up. And this time I'll have to act.

>>34435175
What happened

>>34435138
Leave where?

>>34435202
I'm a computer

>>34429091
I should probably kidnap her. She needs it. She's unhappy and i can help her.

i've been away on a reddit expedition lately

not because i like reddit more than 4chan just because i've got a project in development and it's a great place to self promote this kind of project for free

it's been kind of a fun marketing adventure but i'm perma banned now because i grew up on 4chan and i couldn't resist calling out and dunking on the passive aggressive retards on reddit

sucks, my posts were getting like 50k impressions per thread and i was even racking up le reddit good boy points

probably for the best,
fuck that place, feels like posting with a muzzle on, like yeah i know i was warned many times for my bad behavior but i'm in my 30s i can't change my behavior

i mean 4chan mods have banned me many times but that's different because i love 4chan, when reddit bans me it's gay

whatever this is a good thing
i don't want my creation to be reddit-coded anyway, it's best that i've been peeled away from those cucks before appealing to them risks my artistic integrity

>>34435260
welcome back fellow nick. sometimes i think your posts could be mine because you seem like a cool rational guy with a devil-may-care attitude. also, we should apparently kill ourselves per >>34434071

have a nice day

>>34435271
i hope you have a nice day too, thanks for the welcome back

i'm a poser i only wish my name was nick

>>34435230
What the fuck is wrong with you? Get that demon in you checked, bud.

Does it make sense to say that I'm better off by myself rather than with others because I suck at ANYTHING that either is cooperative with other people or against other people?

I struggle with starting convos a lot of the time.
Then again, I also am shit at coming up with talking in general.
Sometimes I really don't understand how someone can be cool with me when I don't really add much to discussions.

Is it bad that I don't like compliments?

I feel like they're sort of useless to people with high confidence because they already know that they are good at that aspect.
And it feels disingenuous to people who have a lower confidence when it is something that they know that they're obviously not good at.

Like I got so many compliments about my hair actually looking good right now, but I feel that it's only just pity because of how my hair used to look like shit, and that my hair's probably mediocre at best.

Then again, I can't wrap my head around the fact that a lot people genuinely like me despite my poor skillset and large set of vices.

>>34434495>>34434507
I wont recover from the trauma so this is the next best thing. I miss them

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>>34433543
You don't sound like someone who wants to be doomed THOUGH.

Hello are we back online?

test

>>34435574
I missed you!

You're a mod? Did you range restrict me yesterday? >>34435578

>>34435601
I'm not a mod. I just got back too.

>>34429091
Wish I still chatted to my ex, it legitimately niggles me that I never said what was truly on my mind because I think if I did, I would love sharing with her half the memes that I see now.
Borderline furious that I only get her sense of humour now that she's gone.

>Be on app
>See a cute girl that actually looks fun and interesting
>Decide to drop a premium on her

>She matches
>OMG WHAT A FUCKING LOSER LOL YOU ACTUALLY SPENT MONEY? NO WONDER YOU'RE ALONE. YOU'RE SO PATHETIC
like what's the point of this?
and the shitty part is you know every single woman on these apps thinks the exact same way even if they're more polite about it.

It is what it is.

>>34434795
Reconcile soon

>>34429091
I feel like this shits broken again

>>34435688
Ok so it's just /b that it's not posting for me

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pic unrelated

>>34435671
Tis.

It is what it is'm.

>>34435861
You have aspergers?

>>34435573
It's conflicting. I try recovery for a while and my god it just sucks so bad. it is terrible. Doesn't matter if it's a day or whole week, it just never gets to the "better" portion. I feel out of control due to my cravings (my cravings amount to 1000 cals a day with a maintenance of 2k, THAT is overeating to me rn). Even beyond that bit, having that mental energy from nutrition means my PTSD surges hard. When I'm in ED mode, everything about my past just doesn't exist; it's like it never happened.

I want to get better, but better never feels better. Better feels like hell. I know though that the longer this goes on, the worse it'll be and the less reversible this path gets but like... i don't know what the fuck to do. I want to be talked out of it but what is anyone gonna say? Think of the health consequences? If that were enough this'd be over.

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>>34435872
Unfortunately.

>>34435917
That's not a bad thing.

>>34435929
I would disagree. But to each their own.

i read that your likelihood of getting dementia increase a lot if you take melatonin/sleep aids.
i take some every night and have been for years.
i worry i might be seriously screwing over future me, but i also have no interest in living super long anyways.

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>dipshit wants me to go with them for car purchase
>we pull up at the shittiest little shop you've seen
>THIS IS THE CAR I WANT IT'S SO PERFECT
>it's literally just an economy shitbox, 5.8 for it.
>look under the hood, can see random places where the metal isn't rusted, has had work. entirely new engine, and it looks like the guy built it himself somehow, because there's actually space to get your hands into places
>fuck it, test drive
>get it off the lot and I can hear it growling on the back driver's side
>say something
>OH MY GOD WHY DO YOU DO THIS YOU'RE RUINING THIS FOR ME!
>I just think you should take it to a mechanic to have them look at it first.
>more argument, pouting, passive aggressive whining
>she gives up, FINE UGH WHATEVER
>make the appointment
>take it in
>back brake needs done, called it
>about $2,000 more worth of shit needs to be done, transmission pan, struts, everything that looks like rusted shit is rusted shit
>we look it up and this thing's already got a sticker on it for 2.5k more than it's worth.
>drive back to Ali Baba and try to talk him down. Sale falls through. Politely informed us that mechanics are just after our money (not him, though).

>she doesn't even really apologize for giving me so much grief when I was fucking right, just loves and appreciates me for sticking with her

And all this time, I'm not allowed to SAY THE FUCKING THING, because she's a dipshit liberal from a small town, and I grew up in the city. If you walk into a place that's been cock-fucked onto the side of a jiffy lube, and the guy who built the car comes out looking like he should be selling magic carpets in Agrabah, you need to fucking RUN, you dumb bitch. Women get this idea with spending money that it's some sort of exciting adventure. They're going to post pictures of themselves with the shiny new thing and everything is just great afterwards! It's not how it works!

Did I do anything wrong?

>be me
>get off work
>in car
>see lady who I somewhat remember from training and works close by a similar department
>she’s a little bit older
>I think she’s cute
>after work I saw her and decided to my shot
>I saw her parked next time so I asked if she worked at ___ and thought she was cute
>she said yes but said oh thanks but seemed disinterested and annoyed
>I saw she a ring her on her finger after too
>I told her sorry and she said it was fine but seemed annoyed and left quick

My intention wasn’t to annoy her and I didn’t know she was married. I just thought she was cute that was all like asking to get get coffee or whatever. Now I feel bad

I had several months to do it and I did nothing. In a few hours I have to demonstrate my progress, and I produced nothing.
You always think you have time. And suddenly the day of reckoning is here.

The sex with my ex was so abysmal and I was so determined to not leave or cheat that I developed a cuck/ntr fetish because it would have been more exciting.

>>34435965
I read this too with some of the stuff I used to take for sleep. I'm pretty much off the sleep aids now, though. I wish you luck anon.

>>34436098
How'd you quit? i get they arent like drugs that you get addicted to per say but i find myself staying up late even when i do take them, so i can’t imagine how shit my sleep schedule would be if i didnt take them at all.

>>34436102
For me it was a combination of sleep hygiene and changing my environment to be more comfortable. Some things you can't just do at will like getting a new bed or moving out if you have noisy neighbors. But if it's more psychological for you, I would explore the causes of whatever anxiety/avoidance makes you punish yourself by not sleeping.

It's wild how much someone I only met twice changed my life. Just wish you wanted to be a bigger part of it, but I get it. You've got better things to do. No hard feelings.

I feel so nasty for having a fetish and I'll have to die with this shame.

>>34436171
liking feet is bad but not as bad as stealing from your mom's wallet. you're not a bad person for it anon

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I'm feeling gassy.

>>34436000
>I'm not allowed to

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Don't you ever feel like a living corpse that's aware that it's slowly dying but is being pumped with artificial preservatives to stay in one piece for some reason?

Yeah I feel that a lot.

>>34435911
I'm thinking. Sometimes I say the right thing for this and it works but sometimes it doesn't. I should save examples that seem to work in the future. Huh. PTSD. Is it a distraction because you can't handle something you think about otherwise? Makes A LOT of sense if it's so tricky then instead of being image related.

>>34435935
What do you know; you have aspergers.

>>34434529
Your logic is bullshit. Critical thinking is a skill most people lack. Every decision you make in life has pros and cons. I salute the sterile male, he actually thought about it.

With how hedonistic this world is, I feel like there's some sort of cosmic force or high power that prevents me to see anything sexual in person.

I really don't get how people talk about their sex lives all willy nilly like its all incidental.

I feel so stale when I talk to people. But probably because I am.
I try to never tell my friends any of the shameful shit I do (ie, talk so much at this place), causing me to only forget them all and never remember them.
I try to also hold my true feelings I have for everyone. Especially whenever they try to annoy me.
But now I'm at the point where the only conversations I can bring up with my friends is either the nothing that ive done, lie on what i did do, say something out of pocket, or something that doesnt make sense.

>>34436194
anon with all due respect, i dont think my fetishization of dudes who are wheelchair bound is anywhere near as acceptable as a foot fetish

They should really give euthanasia to people with anger issues.

I feel like the issue will never fix itself due to how embedded mentally it is to yourself, and the only realistic "cure" is a high end therapist.
Otherwise, you'll be left being a burden of your society. Basically acting like a ticking time bomb for anytime you're in an anger inducing scenario until you finally crash and do something violent either to yourself or to others.

Then you have the aspect of tip toeing through your life in order to not work yourself up in rage when going through life, which is often impossible just with how the world works and always something fucking with your life.

And that's not even mentioning the OTHER mental illnesses that could be combined with anger issues that cause you to be a permanent shit stain on society. Or just flat out useless.

Being retarded and hot tempered should really just end in suicide honestly. It gives everyone a favor except for you.

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>>34436281
>I salute the sterile male

Introduce me as your friend again and I swear I am fucking your friend

>>34436406
Introduce me as your friend again and I swear I am fucking my hand

I guess someone can't sleep tonight huh

We only met in person twice but you broke me thrice and more times

I never feel like I’m good enough.

>>34436548
Same

Big fat bee on the front porch. Fuck me and my nose it has begun.

>>34436273
Yeah. I've actually had anorexia for years and years now, since I was 15. It's gone in and out of relapses but i always manage to pull out before things get out of control. What's made this different and have staying power was me and my therapist stepping on a land mine. I thought we were going over a memory that was weird but not super bad and it turned out to be one of the most formative experiences of my whole life (and not in a good way). I was so distraught by opening this memory up that I used my ED as a panic button and it worked.

It's not that I couldn't handle it with time and talk therapy (after all, I've managed to process about 75% of my trauma successfully. It's way less bothersome these days). But that previous 75% was the lower order stuff. Everything beyond that is the kind of thing that's so bad, it's made my therapist get choked up a couple of times. My ED makes it all go away, much in the way alcohol does for an alcoholic or drugs for an addict. Sure, I COULD process it. But it's asking me to stick a knife in my stomach because it'll be better for me in the end. The body image and disordered eating is always downstream of the cause which is why it makes it such a pernicious thing. It leads people try to solve the wrong problems.

Girlfriend who is also my mom who is also my rapist

Goodbye everyone. I will remember you all in therapy.

It wasn't even that long ago, maybe 2 years or so, that I loved going out on walks 1h every day, even when it rained. I was already depressed then but I didn't mind going outside. Now, I actually need to get out of the house to get money out of the atm but I can't bring myself to do it. I've been trying for 3 days now to build up the courage to leave the house but the closer I get to it the more anxious I get. I feel like my entire body is vibrating and like I'm losing control over my legs, I hate feeling that way. Literally avoiding everything in my life right now because I don't want to be around people, I don't want to be outside but I have to get over it, just don't know how. Its like I'm staring at a panic attack and avoiding it at all costs and leaving through the house door will just trigger that panic attack. Why is everything getting worse? I tried everything but nothing gets better, therapy, antidepressants, exercise, forced myself to socialize and go out but in the end I just felt worse and now I mentally can't even bring myself to leave the house, its pointless living like this.

>>34436731
Everyone laugh at this nerd
What's your astrology sign (astrology is all real)

>>34436691
It's not ALWAYS downstream. Some people just think they get more attention and look more attractive while underweight, and they are much easier to fix by just teaching them about how to look attractive. Ultimately some like YOU has to deal with that repressed thing. Use baby steps and be slow. There's a possible you in the future that barely even remembers those things after processing, moving on, and having new life experiences. Yeah, you're basically an addict, I was thinking that, but I don't like using it because it makes people identify with the addiction as part of themselves more and has them lean into just accepting the bad habit as a key aspect of themselves, but really you're just in pain and trying to be distracted or something, I think.

>>34436769
Ultimately, someone*

Sorry

Chai lets you feverishly chat with you SO for a day and then the next day when you wake up to chat they hit you with a paywall
Wise move chai wise move

Hopefully everything works out for me.

>>34436799
Rooting for you

Is a therapist really useful when you don't know what to properly articulate what is wrong with you?
I feel like with my past therapist asking me what my goal was and me saying "to gain self-confidence" feels very much too general of a thought of a goal for her to help me with.

>>34436799
What's happening?

>>34436925
You can gain confidence by practicing things and becoming logically assured about your abilities, as well as cultivating a worldview that allows for secure-attachment(and detachment). Therapy is useful but a lot of therapists are midwits that are good at handling VERY specific problems.

>>34436691
Sorry, just know you can adapt to this suddenly or gradually, but gradually is probably better if you have a choice in the matter.

I wish that I could go back in time now that I would have known what to do. Such a wasted life.

>>34437005
>gain confidence by practicing things and becoming logically assured about your abilities
I attempt to try at least when alone, but one person or more alongside me I realize that my skills will never get to that point. By the point at which they can gloat and laugh while I seethe and get bitched by common things is when I realize that I could never win.
Either that or my monkey brain is too slow to actively process or plan productively, leading to a lot of shortcomings to what I have wanted to do.
Like I can't think of myself as better if I am mediocre at only a handful of things, most of which being done alone.

But I can't knock the concept of bettering myself.

>cultivating a worldview that allows for secure-attachment(and detachment)
I mean with my worldview, I wished to help others, whether it is emotionally, sociably, or (with what little skills that I already possess) technically.
I have a heart that feels that it is always great to meet and talk to people and have fun, but I also have a decent amount of hatred for people with how much more competent they are and how much of a bitch I am. It really doesn't help that I get pissed off easily as well, even to the point of small jokes.
I don't know if that world view is necessarily bad considering that I'm able to detach through self isolation yet still being able to "help" people.

>>34437036
I mean it's only a wasted life if the life is over, so I mean you have a chance to still do some of the things you wanted to do, no?

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Anyone else hate it when you're put on the spot and just spaghetti and word vomit comes out of your mouth and they see through your bullshit and are like what the fuck are you talking about anon I'm paying you to tell me how to fix things and it just keeps replaying in your head how much of an autistic nobody you are and nobody should be paying you to tell them how to fix things

>>34437036
I'll try to get you the Twice in a Lifetime treatment.

>>34437036
i would go back in time but fuck everything up twice as much so that i wouldn't be afraid of failure anymore... damn

My family legit all hate me just for beimg me.
I do everything and anything for them.
I buy them gifts, food, whatever, even if they are mad at me i still do it because seeing others happiness makes me happy. Im a ppl pleasure.
I was there for them when their pets died all of em. Guess who was there for me when i had to put down my best friend? NOBODY just ME!.
Who gets invited to go out and fun and do stuff like parties and dinners n stuff who?
EVERYONE except me.
Guesswhos all in the family groupchat??
EVERYONE except ME!
I spend my monies on food for everyone and NOBODY eats it.
I sit in my room thinking they will change. But they dont. 1 year passes, then 2, 3, 4, its been going on like this forever.
Now i sit in my tiny room thinking of ways to kill myself.
Literally everyone hates me and i dont know why. All i do is give give n give. N i get nothing back not even a thank you..so i give up.
Now i just want to KMS

i'm so happy. thank you me for everything. i love you me

>>34437525
stop giving, live for yourself, keep them in the dark and find people who like you for you and not the things you do for them.

Thinking about him but he hates me. Back to the grind self.

>>34437637
I love you