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After many years of isolation, a girl popped up in my life that loves me.
I love her as well and while it is mostly long distance now, I flew over a few times already to meet up with her for one or two weeks. Also planning to make it permanent.
I went through stressful situations while keeping in contact with her, had a hard job for some months, lost that job, had to find ways to survive while nearly becoming homeless. She is going through a stressful phase as well. This year's has been rough in some ways, but also beautiful in that I got to meet her and learn a lot about women, romantic relationships and emotions. Outside romance visual novels and anime. I always wanted to be a gentleman for a girl that loved me and spoil her a bit.

I realized that this relationship has it's difficulties, like any other. But here, love is involved, and it hurts more than I could have ever imagined. Like actual dagger pain in my heart.
I tend to blame myself for many of the negative experiences. And I feel like an idiot a lot. The pain was extremely intense at first, but over the months I have gotten used to it when it happens.
I'm still plagued by negative emotions regularly. And it's a bit weird because I have never been an emotional guy. And she's very emotional and anxious about me too, which makes me become emotional in a spiral kind of way.
Overthinking and being anxious are my biggest problems. I also have realized that all this time on my own and being in survival mode has nearly killed my libido...

My question is, how do I deal with this? Is it normal for a relationship to have almost daily tension? How do I relax and become a better, more "confident" boyfried, or man?
I really want this to work, but it's like a minefield.