>how do I solve someone else's problem
ya don't

>im a kid and my friend is getting slapped around by their parents
good, kids turn into assholes if you don't hit em enough

>>34436753
How much physical abuse is she receiving? Like a full-force slap or a punch or is she being shoved or what?

In any case, I think (though it is a bit risky) you can try to get between them and try to deescalate the situation, urging both to calm down while acting as a physical barrier between them. Obviously, don't push or react towards her mom, just sort of keep them apart y'know. But you need to gauge the situation and the people involved. If her mum is sort of a Karen type she might say that you're assaulting her or something, so be careful.

Also, it might be good to understand the reason and the story why that is happening. Ask your gf, try to see if there is some way to verbally mediate or deescalate the conflict.

>>34436753
Do you all live in the same trailer? Wtf?

>>34436753
You can't do anything about it except embody the better alternative. Don't talk to her about it, don't try to problem solve it, don't make any words or actions about it. You will feel every intense urge to try to "save" her and you may feel guilt or self blame for doing nothing but helplessly allow it. You need to remember, you don't allow it. Your GF allows it because it's all she knows unfortunately. So if you want to do anything, just love her and show her a fun time make her laugh, make her feel safe, that's all. Then she will know different, and that's what she will choose in the end.

>>34436781
In these situations initially you should try to help, but later just lean into it. It's all funny.

>>34436772
Her mum goes through cycles where at first she'll scream and yell constantly and then she'll act really nice the next day and brush the whole thing off, but this time she came into her room yelling, slapped her in the face and threw something so hard that it put a hole in the wall.
>In any case, I think (though it is a bit risky) you can try to get between them and try to deescalate the situation, urging both to calm down while acting as a physical barrier between them. Obviously, don't push or react towards her mom, just sort of keep them apart y'know. But you need to gauge the situation and the people involved. If her mum is sort of a Karen type she might say that you're assaulting her or something, so be careful.
Sigh. I'll definitely try if that ever happens. Truth be told, I haven't met the girl in person yet. We've been talking for about a year and she's moving to my city in a few months from a different continent, so, Godwilling, her mum won't be around for much longer than the few first weeks she's due to stay with her.
>Also, it might be good to understand the reason and the story why that is happening. Ask your gf, try to see if there is some way to verbally mediate or deescalate the conflict.
I did ask her, and from what she told me, it absolutely wasn't anywhere near justified (sounds like her mum was stressed out about life, had a mental break and took it out on her daughter), but like many things in life, it's complicated, and frustrating. We're going to have to take it one step at a time.
>>34436781
Hm. That's definitely a new way to look at it for me. Maybe you're right. I don't have to force myself into the driver's seat in every situation around me. Appreciate that outlook on things, although I agree it will be very hard to pull off.

>>34436804
Initially nah. Only if it's your first time wrangling the type of girl who is from trauma, initially men think the play is to go and rescue. It always blows back in your face if you try that. Because girls from broken homes hate their own helplessness, so when they're "rescued" they initially love you for it but resent you for it, as if you stole their shot at redemption or glory. Or that you remind them of their parents - overbearing. Even if your intent was the best, their mind will still be polluted by bad experiences and they will view reality through that blood red lens for a while.

The best thing is to just be a safe place for her to land if she finally decides to GTFO. At best all you can do is tell her how she can rescue herself but that's about it.

>>34436806
>Hm. That's definitely a new way to look at it for me. Maybe you're right. I don't have to force myself into the driver's seat in every situation around me. Appreciate that outlook on things, although I agree it will be very hard to pull off.

Glad you can appreciate it. You will find out hears down the line, it's not just a new way to look at it, it's regrettably the only way to look at it. This sort of thing always follows the same pattern every time, the only difference is which side of the glass you are on. One thing that will help you is remembering you don't have to rescue her because she ain't as helpless as you fear. Think about this: She has lived with extreme pressure for how long? Her whole life presumably right? And she was able to survive up until this point. She knows how to take the hits and get back up. So trust her to do that. Neither rush in or pull away, just be a stable person who is willing to wait for her.

>>34436820
>She has lived with extreme pressure for how long? Her whole life presumably right? And she was able to survive up until this point. She knows how to take the hits and get back up. So trust her to do that. Neither rush in or pull away, just be a stable person who is willing to wait for her.
Yeah, she said the same thing to me about being able to handle it on her own. I truly admire her ability to deal with it her whole life. I've never been in such a situation.

>>34436854
She'll have admiration for you as well no doubt. Could be your innocence or first instinct to always do the right thing, or whatever situation you faced but still survived, whether that was abuse or the opposite of abuse, neglect & loneliness. You have value to her as well no doubt, that's why she wants to be your girlfriend. She may have some hang-ups too, happens when the troubled girl meets the good/kind guy. She'll feel ugly compared to you, personality wise and may feel undeserving of what you offer her. That will be 50% of her hesitance to let go of her situation with her old way of life. The other 50% is she knows she needs to get out for herself using her own power, but she may still be seeing this thing with her mom as "unfinished business" which she waits to finally finish.

People forget that romantic relationships aren't the only relationships where you can "break up" with someone. It can happen in any relationship and she has probably forgot that. She needs to break up with the dysfunctional dynamic. She can't break up with Mom, truly, because your GF is 50% her blood. But she can break up with the dynamic, by leaving. And that will finish the unfinished business in your GF's soul.

But your GF won't do that if someone else tells her to do it, she has to tell herself to do it. And that could take a short time or a long time. What definitely will help her is if she knows she has a patient and understanding person in her corner, aka you, who neither pushes her into things or threatens to run away from her when she fails. Once she acknowledges she has that backing her up, she will finish the fight.

Good luck bro.

>T. Someone who was in your GF's position who got better.

>>34436892
Did anyone help you with that? Girlfriend?

>>34436906
Yeah, who is my now wife too. She makes me a better person and brings out the best in me and I am very grateful for it, I wasn't a very good man in my past for the same reasons as your GF.

>>34436922
How exactly did she help you?

>>34436932
Treated me with kindness yet didn't let me excuse my faults, held me accountable in a relaxed and patient way. But more importantly always reminded me I could always do better at things, reminding me in a way that told me I can do it because I have it in me, reminding me I'm capable to do things and to try. Didn't freak out at me if I fucked something up, yet didn't hesitate to tell me what needed done better. This applied to everything from how I spoke, how I treated others, my negative or cyclical ways of doing things. And for every time I withdrew emotionally she didn't freak out either, she just gave me time and love. I had dated girls before who tried, but they always wanted things in return, and because I was too run down to return it, I'd be punished for it some way or the other. With my wife, she loved me without expecting anything in return and to me I knew it as actual real love. So my gut instinct was to return it and give back, even though she asked for nothing, my instinct was to live up to her way of love and that's what we've been doing since. I didn't need forced, just needed the example. Cuz I never had the example growing up.

>>34436804
based white spellcaster approach

>>34436952
She seems to be a good woman and a person in general, congratulations man

>>34436995
Thank you brother. I believe everyone is, or at least there's no such thing as a truly bad person. There's only people who have bad thoughts, bad feelings, or are in and situations. Sometimes it can infect a person and they become the thing they were afflicted by, but never do they truly succumb to it so long as they draw breath from their lungs. All the best to you and your girlfriend

>>34436806
>Her mum goes through cycles where at first she'll scream and yell constantly and then she'll act really nice the next day
Might be a BPD thing. It's hard to handle that kind of people, they have these outbursts of anger, sadness, happiness, etc. It's not rare for them to get physical.
The strange part is, they often don't even hate the person, they just can't control their emotions, it's all very explosive.

Knowing that, I suggest ya don't try to get between them unless absolutely necessary, like she is beating the girl or something.
Best of luck to you mang, hope things work out and there is peace for you guys.