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Dear Channing, I'm sorry for 2025. I really am. I wasn't well, but that's not an excuse so much as a fact. I was on the path to wellness but it wasn't quite there yet. We found each other at bullshit times in both our lives, but for whatever reason you gave me the friend I needed at the time and I know I did that for you too.

Where I fucked up the most is in how I was unable to articulate how I felt about you in a healthy way, because I didn't fully understand it myself and honestly I still don't. Instead of giving you the space you needed and let you figure your shit out, I was clingy and desperate not to lose one of the first people I was able to open up to about shit in a long fucking time. I did all this at the worst possible time for you, when your father passed away. In my frustration and stupidity I said things I never should have said, and even though I can't unsay them, I will carry the mark of that sin til I die. I can't ask you to forgive me for that and I don't expect you to. It doesn't matter how sorry I am, there are things you just don't say.

And then after that, I dragged you on endchan. Making our personal shit public for a bunch of incel virgin retards to read. I only have power over my own actions. The way I acted was way worse than the way you acted.

I don't know if you'll read this, I hope you do. This is the first true and honest apology I've given you, because I'm well enough see and understand all the things I did wrong and how I made everything worse between us. You don't have to forgive me. I don't think I deserve it.

But I'm not ready to give up hope on one day reconciling with you, as friends.

Yours truly,
Matthew