First for Aemon Steelsong.
First for Aemon Battleborn.
First for the little wildling prince.

Where the fuck is Marwyn the Mage at? Is he one of the people Quaithe warned Dany about? Is he in league with Quaithe? Glass candle buddies?

Walk with me, my sweet summer child, and hear the tale of fat pink masts jutting into sopping wet myrish swamps and black nipples brushing against silk until her cunt became the world while in the privy the princess guzzled arbor gold and shat but the more she drank the more she shat until she was shitting brown water and around her the planks of the ship groaned like a fat man taking a shit while she cursed the gods and nuncle smiled as he broke his fast on black bread, bacon burned black, and mulled wine while capon-grease dribbled down his chin and onto the boiled leather of his jerkin for she was wet with love and did she not know words are wind and dark wings bring dark words and a lannister always pays her debts and mayhaps this is nothing but a mummers farce and useless as nipples on a breastplate and the princess has been fucking lancel and moonboy for all nuncle knows and he is the blood of the dragon for the night is dark and full of terrors but where do whores go and jon snow knows nothing and winter is coming and near enough makes no matter so nuncle smiled and dipped the heel of his bread into clam chowder and prayed for half a hundred more heh har HODOR

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>Yeah, I'll skip the Dorne adventure because while fun, it's unnecessary. I'll leave it to the readers' imagination while showing the next important adventure. Otherwise I'll never finish
I miss the old George, the actually writes George.

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Dornish and Summer Island girls are BUILT for BIG VALYRIAN COCK

Dunk and Egg S1 was a really good adaptation and I think you guys should watch it

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>>25104498
George wrote A Storm of Swords in 8 months

That version of George is still in there somewhere and could come back at any moment to wrap up the last 500 pages of Winds and 1500 pages of A Dream of Spring in a single year.

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>Queen Ceryse Hightower was a noblewoman from House Hightower and was the daughter of Lord Manfred Hightower of Oldtown.

>Ceryse and Maegor were wed in 25 AC. The ceremony was held at the Starry Sept of Oldtown, with Ceryse's uncle, the High Septon, performing the rites.

>Maegor boasted to having consummated the marriage a dozen times the night of the wedding, and those who had seen the bedding agreed that Maegor was a lusty husband.

>Ceryse was twenty-three, whereas Maegor was thirteen years old.

I don't know why GRRM wastes so much wordcount on young girls getting perved on by crusty old men, when he should be writing way more of this.

>>25104498
>>25104649
writing gurm will come back in 2028/2029 when democrats are in full power again.

>>25104648
>>25104649
I wish in my heart of hearts that George would see the massively positive response his story is getting and be inspired to write more! People love this old fat eccentric’s stories… it’s remarkable, there’s really nothing like it… but I’m all out of hopium.

>>25104709
lmao
were they taking a dig at gurm?

>>25104740
most definitely

AKOTSK has revitalized George. Seeing the colors and adaption and the reception towards it will see grrm hit a new stride

>>25104986
>only watch bits of the show
>read the books
>Westeros is actually one of the most vividly colourful fantasy countries that ink has put to paper
you can really tell how, despite his misgivings with some of Tolkien's stuff, specifically the lack of nuance in certain aspects of the story that weren't important to Tolkien at the time, George really was inspired by that level of fantasy and tried to emulate it through a different lense and he did really well
I really hope in a few years time, maybe a few decades, HBO tried GoT again, but this time follows the story closely and brings in brighter colours and more accurate armors

>>25104709
george admittedly self inserts as samwell, he's no knight. therefore the books will remain unfinished.

Why do these threads exist?

Every single minitheory about every single possible plotpoint/mystery has been thoroughly discussed in other parts of the internet for the last 15 years.

Why purpose do these threads even serve? Martin will also probably die of a diabetic heart attack before he finishes anything anyway. What's the point of all this?

>>25105054
It's so colorful that I legit could not help but imagine everything as anime when I first read the books.

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>>25104439

Sex with Visenya

>>25105078
Because we believe, and the series is large enough to warrant consistent new readers who will clog up the board with their shitty takes, and our shittier responses.

>>25104648
There's a couple of weird changes I'm not too sold on but yeah better than HOTD and the latter half of GOT for sure.

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>>25106314
>There's a couple of weird changes I'm not too sold

All the stuff from the book was great, all the stuff cooked up by HBO and their hack showrunner was shit.

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Shouldn't the main story be nine books instead of seven?

>>25106360
Would've make George's writing blocks non-existent desu. Dance also feels more like the midpoint of the series rather than a prelude to the climatic finale

Unfortunately George is a stubborn fat boomer and is adamant on finishing it within 2 books for some queer reason.

>>25106378
If he had another four books to write there'd be even less hope of him finishing than there is now.

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>>25106360
The show should've been called The Hedge Knight. I can't get over how shit of a title AKOTSK is

>>25106383
they're just futureproofing it i guess, since dunk eventually becomes lord commander of the kingsguard supposedly halfway thru the novellas (if george would stop being a LAZY FAT FUCK and just writes them all like he promised)

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kek another win for maester chads

looks like they will have nothing to do with the tragedy at summerhall and it'll be egg going full dany instead

>>25106381
Not really, as far as we know, the main problem hindering George right now is tying together the hundreds of mini plotpoints he's scattered all throughout Westeros & Essos, and also the fact that so many of our MCs (Stark Children, Dany etc) are still literal children.

Having more books to space things out, and also to introduce a much-needed timeskip (that George has said he always wanted to do) would literally solve everything. But he's stubborn, and probably also has sunk-cost fallacy because he's spent 15 years trying to tie everything together within 2 books, so he won't do it. Therefore he'll remain stuck and demotivated until he dies. Because he knows he wrote himself into a corner.

>>25106417
The 5 year timeskip doesn't work with too many major characters at this point, especially JonCon, Stannis, Cersei, Jaime, and the Greyjoys. Neither of them can just sit on their ass for five years, waiting for the kid POVs to grow up.

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>>25106405
That's what I like about the title Hedge Knight. It'd be a reminder of his humble origins contrasting with all the Blackfyres and wars and honors he gets tied up in.

>>25106434
>Dunc: Hey Targaryen, wanna trade belts?
>Aerion: Well... Not really, cos yours is just a piece of braided cord...
>Egg: Hey Dunc, he's ragging on your cord!
>Dunc: Get 'im
But the maesters won't let you hear this part of the story.

>>25106424
That's why more books = better, which was exactly my point. He can have more leeway to leave certain younger characters out completely (Arya, Bran, Sansa etc) and progress the books at a much faster pace (1 book takes place in a span of 1-2years).

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>>25106405
"The Hedge Knight" works as an even better title in that circumstance, Lord Commander of the Kingsguard, the highest honor in Westeros for a knight, and he is but a Hedge Knight

>>25106483
He stops being the Hedge Knight when he stops sleeping in hedges.

>>25106504
you can take the knight out of the hedge, but you can't take the hedge out of the knight

Let's say Robert never asks Ned to be hand.

So everyone is living in peace, Jon goes off to join the Night's Watch, and is killed some time later in a wildling raid or something. Would Ned confide in Catelyn that Jon wasn't actually his son? Or would he continue the charade even after Jon's existence is no longer an issue?

>>25105078
I bet you never heard of this theory before: The Others are basically shadowmagicked mechs piloted by Children of the Forest, and the entirety of ASOIAF is secretly an Evangelion reference.

>>25106676
someone has already made a 2hr video on your theory buddy, you're not special

https://youtu.be/kcNa964eP7Q?si=ssuE4oaeVt_YEDPA

>>25106650
Jon wouldn't go to the Night's Watch if Ned remained in the norf.

>>25106687
Ok what the fuck. I swear I've never told anyone else or seen anyone talk about this little headcanon of mine anywhere, now you're telling me some fag already made a 100min video talking about it?

At least he doesnt say it's Evangelion inspired like I do, but still..

>>25104649
>That version of George is still in there somewhere
Absolutely not. George’s writing office isn’t even in his home anymore. He mentions it offhandedly in his Hollywood Reporter interview, that he has two properties now in Santa Fe so his writing office isn’t where he lives.

Clearest sign he absolutely doesn’t give a shit and is just giving himself excuses.

The place with the red door and lemon tree is Starfall.

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https://youtu.be/mtxN6G3Tvcg?si=C7aXVJfZ-DKNfRfw

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Anyone familiar with the snails that get infected with a parasite that compels them to climb up to the tops of plants to get eaten by birds? It was the inspiration for the Las Plagas in Resident Evil 4. I'm beginning to think that Bloodraven is in that snail's position. He has the unique confluence of Dragonlord magic, meaning the magical mind bond with terrific chimera, and First Men magic, the ability to communicate in nonlinear time. The result is Bloodraven gets a direct hotline with the ageless Old Gods in the North, that normally lay dormant. They hijack Bryndon, he is not even aware he is possessed. If he was just any First Man, they would only possess him alone. However he is Targaryen, so they use him as a conduit to compel ALL Targaryens before and during his existence. Aegon and his brood receive the Old God messages through Bloodraven, but at too low a resolution they misinterpret the dreams. Or to put it another way, different neural networks are communicating, badly, but one clearly is trying to consume the other. Bloodraven is a means to an end, his unique talents are not enough for restoring the Long Night, so Bloodraven's mission is to get Bran into the consciousness. Bran is the Stark with the most potent greensight in over 8000 years, he can deliver all the men to the Old Gods.

Bran is elected king, but we do not know if Bran is really Bran or if Bran is just host to the Old Gods gestalt consciousness. GRRM is enough of a baby boomer that he wants categorical seizure of the power structure rather than a genuine paradigm shift ("It's OK when I do it" and "Rules for thee, not for me"), so his idea of King Bran as a "bittersweet" ending is the magical medieval police state. If GRRM actually wanted to be subversive to 21st century sensibilities and not 1980s sensibilities, he'd have Bran kill Bloodraven before the full transfer. Bran stays Bran, but with the greensight, this is the "sweet" in "bittersweet."

>>25107282
>I’ll have to give my bastards a PRRRRROMOTION!

If you ask me, most of the important conflicts in Westeros, if not the world, are just a proxy war in a feud between Brackens and Blackwoods

>>25107244
I wonder if Jon will offhandedly mention he was taken care of by a woman named Wylla, and Dany will then unlock a dormant memory of herself also being cared for by a Wylla at the house of the red door.

It makes sense that the Daynes would take care of a second set of hidden Targ children if Ned told him who the baby he brought really was. And then Dany could go to them and seek Wylla out to confirm Jon's true identiy as Rhaegar's son.

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>>25107303
didnt read allat but i told grok to finna make him a real blud and he finna did it #based #tuff

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>>25108358
>Tyrone Rivers, called Lord Bludraven, was the bastard son of King Aegon IV Targaryen by his sixth mistress, Lady Melissa BLACKEDwood.

>>25107303
>Resident Evil 4
We should petition to Georgie and WB, blending ASOIAF games with the mechanics of the Nemesis system from Shadow of Mordor/War. Let’s unpack it a bit and sketch how such a scenario could be core setup.

>Isekai Viserys III: Instead of the tragic, bitter prince, you reimagine him (or her, in your twist) as transported into a Nemesis-style world where rivalries, betrayals, and procedurally generated enemies shape the narrative. Prologue shows him as squire of black hearts.
>Female counterpart of Viserys in Dorne: This adds a cultural and political twist. Dorne’s traditions of gender equality and independence could give her more agency than the original Viserys ever had. Training under legendary white bull of the kingguards.
>Starting in Pentos: A perfect launch point — a free city with mercantile wealth, political intrigue, and connections to both Essos and Westeros.
>Founding a city in the Axe Peninsula: That’s bold. The Axe (between the Rhoyne and the Gulf of Grief) is rugged and contested, so founding a city there would immediately trigger Nemesis-style rivalries with local tribes, pirates, and rival houses.

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>>25107303

>>25104343
What if Viserys stay in Pentos?

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>

>>25108604
-and joined sellswords company, and set out established new free city in axe peninsula (gathering settler, craftsman, merchant, fisherman in land once inhabit by the Andal), economic development on seagulls/pigeon dropping and salt mining etc

>>25108687
Freys cunt get blacked

if asoiaf was a manga who would you want to draw it?

>hardmode: no miura

>>25108757
the vagabond mangaka
forgot his name

Daily reminder of: FUCK GEORGE

It’s been like a decade since I’ve read the books and I stopped at Feast. But Knight of Seven Kingdoms is making me want to jump back in.

>>25108757
pre 2010's Tsutomu Nihei

I like Tower Dungeon, but his artstyle has significantly declined since Blame!

>>25108838
Dance is the highest highs and lowest lows of the series for me.
I think I’d enjoy it much more now but at the time, I couldn’t stomach any of the Dany and Tyrion chapters, they felt interminable. Even Jon’s story was soporific.

So what I’m saying is only I liked Asha and Davos essentially.

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>I liked Asha

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>>25108742

Viserys was too stupid and arrogant to do anything on his own.

Asha is the romantasy PoV

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M1uYQLEPkjw

George isn't there anymore

>>25108757
Shinichi Sakamoto

>>25109058
No. He is. He’s just checked out.

>>25108997
That why GRRM pro-feminists ruin him.

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bl-ACK

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>>25107119
>he has two properties now in Santa Fe so his writing office isn’t where he lives.

I remember reading that his office is in his house and when he got the payout from HBO for GoT, he bought his neighbor's house to store all his stuff.

>>25109918
>lazy fatty
His neighbors shouldn’t sold own house

>>25108997
Can’t say same for Jon (s6-8) and Stannis (s5)

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My prediction on how Others will be defeated is that they push past the Wall and victory is literally impossible. But the main heroes, Jon + other warriors form a suicide squad and they go beyond the wall to Heart of Winter where there's something there that creates the Others. A meteorite or a Magic tree or something. South has to hold out as long as possible to give Suicide Squad enough time. POV's show different battles and they die one by one with Winterfell being a big one. Possibly the final one or the Isle of Faces. It's all very LOTR but it makes sense. Definitely Tormund and maybe Val because they know how to navigate beyond the wall. I think this is where the show got their Suicide Squad episode from but they in their infinite wisdom put in the wrong spot. They changed the rock hunt into wight hunt.

Now here comes the other big theory. There's so much foreshadowing about East and the series is big on parallels so I think if there's a Heart of Winter, there must be a Heart of Fire. Dany can fly across the world in days and she can transport a small group with her so the page count won't be a problem. I've seen some retards wonder how we will have time to go Ea- she flies you fucking morons. Either Melisandre or Bran or both will her to go. When she gets there we will discover that either the Heart of Fire is still active and both Hearts must be destroyed and we will have TWO suicide squads. One North, one East. Asshai is guarding the Heart while the Wall guards the other. They keep the evil at bay. Or maybe the Heart of Fire was destroyed last time and that allowed the Others to be defeated but not permanently. You gotta take out both Hearts. In this version Asshai are, I guess just hanging out by the Heart. Maybe an old cult who's forgotten the truth like The Night's Watch and Bran has to time travel for the knowledge. Either way, Dany flies East to either learn or to destroy the Heart and taking out both will end magic and return normal seasons. I fully expect green seers and skinchangers to come to an end so Bran has to give up his magical powers to win. He will be just a regular boy king by the end.

The final sentence of the series will be "We must go forward" talking about leaving all these cycles of vengeance and anger and magic behind and create a new era which is obviously symbolized by spring.

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>>25110368
Let's get really fuckass. Jon and Dany are the main leaders by this point. They leave Bran in charge because he's wise or some shit. It parallels the beginning with him at Winterfell. And just like last time, people don't come back. Both Suicide Squad's die sacrificing themselves for victory. With both Jon and Dany dead, Bran becomes king because they chose him. Someone threatens rebellion but the most powerful forces are Dany and Jon's armies combined. North, Vale and Dorne who are at near full strength, Riverlands, Unsullied and Dothraki. Westerlands have lost their armies and gold so they can't fight. Iron Islands probably won't have fleets left. Stormlands and Reach might try something but I'm guessing something will happen later that will bring them into the fold.

Bran parallels Hour of the Wolf. No one has the troops nor the will left to contest so the series ends with peace at the cost of a broken child on the throne. He's gonna marry someone but who? Maybe Myrcella survives and is his queen. I can't think of any other girls who could secure peace.

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>mindbreaks an entire fanbase

After being convinced to let Egg go with Dunk in hopes he might turn out better than Daeron and Aerion, was Maekar ultimately satisfied with the man that Egg became?

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What do fans generally thing about the Blackfyres and their shenanigans?

>>25108997
>>25109018
He need pirates tomboy bad pussy

>>25111079
Lame and gay just like the house they're an offshoot of.

Jonsa status?

Joy Hill status?

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>>25111329

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>>25111079
That Bittersteel was a seething retard, but a very, very based one.
> All the skulls were grinning, even Bittersteel’s on the tall pike in the center. What does he have to grin about? He died defeated and alone, a broken man in an alien land. On his deathbed, Ser Aegor Rivers had famously commanded his men to boil the flesh from his skull, dip it in gold, and carry it before them when they crossed the sea to retake Westeros. His successors had followed his example. (aDwD, The Lost Lord, aka JonCon I)

>Bittersteel eluded capture and escaped once again, only to emerge a few years later in the Disputed Lands, fighting with his sellswords in a meaningful skirmish between Tyrosh and Myr. Ser Aegor Rivers was sixtynine years of age when he fell, and it is said he died as he had lived, with a sword in his hand and defiance upon his lips. Yet his legacy would live on in the Golden Company and the Blackfyre line he had served and protected. (tWoIaF – The Targaryen Kings: Aegon V)

>>25111461
>a broken man in an alien land
>it is said he died as he had lived, with a sword in his hand and defiance upon his lips
Doesn't sound broken...

To this day I don't understand why the bastard name for Iron Islanders is "Pyke" instead of "Salt"

You could maybe make it work if they named them after the island they were from (and all bastards from Great/Old Wyk just being called "Wyk") but I think Salt makes the most sense.

>>25111561
Every bastards last name start with s.

>>25111582
>Hill
>Waters
>Flowers
>Rivers

>Reynard sent terms for surrender to Tywin, stating that the Reynes would be loyal vassals in return for Tywin's brothers serving within Castamere as hostages
Why did the Reynes make such ridiculous demands even when their armies were annihilated and their last castle under siege?

>>25111603
Probably too much ale and wine?

>>25108888
I’m always pleasantly surprised to turn a page and see Davis there. Bran chapters are my favourite

>>25111603
got too cocky from dealing with Tywin's bitch father Tytos who rolled over for anything and anyone

>>25112134
>The heads of Walderan and his sons were impaled on spears, and led the march onto Tarbeck Hall
Wouldn't this have made it obvious to them that they were dealing with a different kind of lion?

>>25104654
A dualistic, Manichean conflict of Good and Evil, just as Gurm intended.
And I still can't remember which house is wich. Only that he hate sone and loves the other.

>>25111079
It was so Peake.

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Why is GRRM so racist and problematic?

>>25113571
George isn't racist at all.
Niggardly, and other nigger and negro variations are just fun words to say. People are so damn obsessed with it. It's so fun that black people absolutely refuse to give it up and even try to bogart it lmao. I wish people would just move on from this shit. It's not going anywhere, it's becoming more popular, get comfortable with calling each other nigga.

>the plan to retrieve rickon is explained in detail on page

So it's going to fail?

>>25113571
It gaming phrase

>>25108888
Reek and Connington were the high points of Dance.

>>25113358
you'd be surprised how stupid people can really be when denial is a factor

I just lack the incentive to continue reading Clash of Kings knowing that the Winds of Winter is nowhere in sight. Like I love this universe and have a desire to jump back into it, but not strong enough to shrug off the fact that I would be starting something that will never have a resolution.

>>25114853
Watch the show for the resolution

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The Hedge Knight > The Mystery Knight > The Sworn Sword

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What killed the hype?

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>Aaahhhh, Ser Anon, care for a piece of pork pie? The best pie you have ever tasted, my lord. Wash it down with Arbor gold and savor every bite. I know I shall.

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WINDS NEVER EVER

>>25115820
Imagine being so high on getting revenge you will literally eat (and savour) a person. And a greasy Frey no less.

>>25115837
Revenge is a dish best served baked.

>>25115723
Based tourney appreciator

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Arya and Sansa are going to be the next Bittersteel and Bloodraven re: Jon and Bran

What a coincidence that Arya is set up to collect the trinkets of Stark legitimacy from Stoneheart, Robb's crown, Robb's will, and half of the sword Ice, just like Aegon IV gave the sword to Daemon Blackfyre and Illyrio to Aegon VI.

I’ve only watched the show so I’m sorry if this is a stupid question but do swords actually make that much of difference?

I know people say Arthur Dwayne and Barristan Selma were the best swordfighters of their day.

I see a lot of people say they’re evenly matched unless Dayne is wielding Dawn. I know it’s some meteor sword but does it really change the outcome a fight just because youre using your space sword?

Benjen will be named King in the North in Winds

>>25104343
Want to re-read the first book, and go through the rest of the series, which Dany chapters should I skip?

>>25106417
>>25106424
I think GRRM should just rewrite the series at this point, retcon anything that's gotten him stuck up to this point, then finish the story. Only way I see him ever finishing.

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>>25109498

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>>25111079
>>25111461

>>25116033
It does. Valyrian Steel is much sharper, yet lighter than normal steel. Valyrian weapons also seemingly have a life of their own, Jon is the only POV who has fought with a Valyrian sword, and when he fights with it, his body seemingly automatically moves to parry and strike before his brain can even process it.

Dawn's magical powers on the other hand, we do not know specifically. But it's as sharp, if not, sharper than Valyrian Steel. When Arthur Dayne knighted Jaime, a slight touch of the blade on his shoulder was enough to cut through Jaime's mail + leather tunic and make him bleed. As far as we know, Valyrian Steel is extremely sharp, but still nowhere as descriptively sharp as Dawn is.

So yeah, in terms of sharpness, Dawn > Valyrian Steel > everything else. But in terms of magic it's hard to say.

>>25116033
>>25116292
>his body seemingly automatically moves to parry and strike before his brain can even process it
I also forgot to add that this allows the Valyrian Steel wielder to battle through fatigue. The body and mind may be tired to move or think how to move, but the blade will do it for you so it doesnt matter.

It's probably also how and why Daemon Blackfyre and Gwayne Corbray were able to fight nonstop for an hour straight, since both were using Valyrian Swords. It's also one of the few rare duels in the entire history of Westeros where 2 Valyrian swordsman fought (that we know so far), and their fight was basically legendary to the common people.

Valyrian Steel against Valyrian Steel is pretty much like watching 2 superheroes duel in the ASOIAF universe.

>>25116292
>He was better than Pyg, but he had only a short throwing spear, and she had a Valyrian steel blade. Oathkeeper was alive in her hands. She had never been so quick. The blade became a grey blur. He wounded her in the shoulder as she came at him, but she slashed off his ear and half his cheek, hacked the head off his spear, and put a foot of rippled steel into his belly through the links of the chain mail byrnie he was wearing.

>>25116011
Arya will be a queen just like her wolf's namesake. It is known.

>>25116345
Brienne needed to swing at full force with Oathkeeper to cut thru mail; Arthur only lightly touched Jaime and he cut thru mail with Dawn.

It's really not the same. IMO the only thing Valyrian Steel has going for it over Dawn is that it also enhances the wielder's fighting capabilities. We haven't seen anything in text that describes Dawn doing the same for its wielder (yet).

preston jacobs is an absolute FAGGOT and im tired of people quoting his fanfic videos as fact

>>25116361
Do you think Nymeria will mate with a lesser wolf from her pack or save herself for Ghost?

>>25116435
>It had been years since his last vigil. And I was younger then, a boy of fifteen years. He had worn no armor then, only a plain white tunic. The sept where he'd spent the night was not a third as large as any of the Great Sept's seven transepts. Jaime had laid his sword across the Warrior's knees, piled his armor at his feet, and knelt upon the rough stone floor before the altar. When dawn came his knees were raw and bloody. "All knights must bleed, Jaime," Ser Arthur Dayne had said, when he saw. "Blood is the seal of our devotion." With dawn he tapped him on the shoulder; the pale blade was so sharp that even that light touch cut through Jaime's tunic, so he bled anew. He never felt it. A boy knelt; a knight rose. The Young Lion, not the Kingslayer.

lovey-dovey bed-breaking baby-making sex.
with mya stone.

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>>25116983

>>25116744
I stand corrected. Could've sworn I remembered Jaime was in mail and leather in the text.

>>25116292
>But in terms of magic it's hard to say.
George said Dawn has more magical properties. But he didn’t elaborate. This is fine since it’s a literal star-born sword. The Valyrians could actually mass produce their steel. Perhaps Valyrian wizards could do more with their steel. Who knows.

>>25116345
The mounting for swords is never the same material as the blade itself, so direct skin contact is never a requirement to receive the boon. However there's 3 situations to ponder:
1) Cat was able to struggle against the catspaw at all. The frenzy did not enable him to demolish Cat, and Cat's hand did not end up looking a blender dip. Maybe the catspaw was just so malnourished and weak to begin with? In 1996, GRRM did not imagine the frenzy for wielding Valyrian steel, that came later. I think he just wanted a really expensive dagger without just typing "Damascus steel". Then GRRM writes dumbshit like how Tywin could not pay a lord enough to buy a Valyrian sword. Tywin can afford a debt of 3 million gold dragons, but not afford to buy another Valyrian sword. That makes each Valyrian sword worth more than 3 million gold dragons, a value able to equip and pay 187,000 men, all entirely heavy cavalry for 1 entire year. Note Tywin simply can't find that many men, armor, and horses even if he can afford it. This also makes the catspaw extremely retarded, he could have just ran off to Braavos with it. This makes Joffrey more of a retard.

2) Did Aegon's crown confer any boon?

3) What effect does a whole suit of Valyrian steel armor do, if Euron is truly wearing it?