Quietly adjust your butt while both sitting or walking and try to regulate the pressure as you fart?

Also, thanks for the chuckle lol

>>34296501
Clench kegels and very slowly release

>>34296513
>>34296522
Takes a lot of practice

Cough loudly and let it fly quieter than your cough.

>>34296501
Drop a book so when it falls it hides the sound of you farting

>>34296738
Won't always have access to books though

>>34296738
And you gotta time it just right so your fart doesn't happen before or after the fart.

Hell... what if your fart is longer than the thud sound the book makes?!

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>>34296778
>>34296792
The year is 2026
Everyone on 4chan is a zoomer with no respect for the old greats

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>>34296501
Buy a .22 suppressor and stick it in pooper. You can integrate it with your boner hiding apparatus.

>>34297033
That cannot be real

>>34296501
Spread your cheeks and your fart will be a whistle

>>34296501
Get regularly assfucked by big black dicks for a few years, really get stretched out.

>>34296501
Measured clenches, adequate cheek-to-sphincter spacing for fanning a blow without cheek vibration (origin of fart noses).

State blankly ahead. Smile with your eyes.

>>34297635
>Smile with your eyes.
^_^

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>>34297033

>>34297217
With practice you can play melodies

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>>34296501
Have you tried one of these?

>>34298771
What... the fuck... is that...

>>34298847
Nofarts, can you read?

>>34300343
I asked you a fucking question and that is not an answer.

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>>34296501
Pretty simple, this is the best trick, but only works if you're laid down: you put and leg on top of the other, squeeze them hard, then control your anus and softly get the fart out at the beginning, then you can push and feel the relief. There will be no sound. Bonus points if you're under blankets.

>>34298771
Why is it in a fancy box looks like a novelty thing

>>34298771
I’m on a 907 day streak of NoFart.

>>34296501
Due to degree inflation this requires getting a Bachelor Of Farts (Master's preferred).

>>34296501
Maybe try spreading your cheeks or something, I dunno. But the best way to deal with a loud fart is to let it rip and shamelessly blame it on another person.

>>34297033
Is the ass really that powerful?

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>>34304309
>Bachelor Of Farts (Master's preferred)

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>>34298771
What on God's bootyful farting Earth does that thing contraption do