Thread #34299979
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I can't move on. It's been a year and a half since it happened. It's totally fucked me up and nothing has been the same since.
I started dating a single mom. Everything about her is a red flag. Literally everything. She was in recovery from substance abuse, covered in tattoos, two kids two different dads who wanted nothing to do with her or the kids, borderline personality disorder, everything. But I fell in love with all three. I liked being a father figure. I liked feeling needed and relied upon. It gave me purpose I had never felt before.
She wound up getting pregnant. It happened very quick. We stopped birth control and I wasn't pulling out. At first we both wanted it and from what we talked about we both wanted to start this family. It was always rocky with her. She was insanely hot and cold. One minute she worshipped me and the next she seemingly hated my guts and gave me the silent treatment.
Anyway, this obviously got worse after the conception because of the hormones. We basically 'fought' one day which mostly consisted of her being a crazy bitch for literally no reason. I had had enough and simply walked out of her place to cool down and get away from her constantly digging at me for no reason. This prompted her to basically tell me to fuck off and that I'm a loser and we're completely done and she's going to do the pregnancy alone and I can't be involved.
We didn't speak much for a week and a half, I blocked her just to get some space and my school semester had started so I'd check in on her once I got into school routine without chaos. Well when we finally talked she told me she had gotten an abortion and to never speak to her again.
I don't think I'd ever felt anything more painful in my life. I tried to text her a few times but she told me to leave her alone. So I did. She showed up randomly with her kids to a social event she knew I'd be at, but I just left immediately before we ever talked. Since then I have had no contact with her.
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Anyway, I'm not sure why I posted this. My entire world has been black since it happened. A lot of guys I talk to in real life just shrug it off and can't believe I'm still on about this so I don't bring it up anymore. They say I dodged a bullet, and I can definitely see that as I get more time away from the event. It would have been chaos with her, always threatening to break up and eventually using my kid against me and probably telling me to move out if we had ever moved in together.
But I hate having this attached to my soul. An abortion where the baby was planned and not accidental. It feels like murder and as a personal slight against me. It has really destroyed my confidence as well. I can't even really look at women anymore. I totally ignore them. I hate how much this has impacted me. I was warned that that girl was always with different guys and she probably has already been with many men and probably doesn't even think about me, and her I am still devastated and unable to move on.
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Have you gone through therapy for this yet, or something that could help you process this in a healthy way?
I think your feelings make sense. An important part of you was preparing to become a father, with that abruptly ending for you in a chaotic and emotionally devastating way.
My sense is that healing for you might look like getting into a genuinely stable relationship, having another chance to build that sense of meaning with another person. But to get there you might need to be deliberate about resolving this existing sort of trauma, since time itself doesn't seem to be fixing it.
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>>34299979
Be grateful your biggest problem is you have a case of the sads. Instead of being attached to some screeching BPDemon driving you to commit murder-suicide family annhilation and ruining your finances for DECADES. You didn't dodge a bullet, you dodged a meteor. The fact that you even got caught into her orbit shows you had serious pre-existing problems. Why TF are you trying to text her? Yikes, buddy. You haven't learned your lesson. Watch out, next you'll start another trainwreck relationship. Stop acting helpless and get grip, take responsibility for your actions and the direction of your life.
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>>34299979
losing a connection is always hard, even toxic ones. i can understand the feeling of loss but you have to see the bright side in this, im sure you understand that wouldnt have made a very good life to have. you can always have children with another woman, one that isnt horrible for example lol:)
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>>34299979
It sure is a shame that crazy single mothers with baggage looking to get pregnant and depend on someone are so hard to come by.
consider this, was she even actually pregnant? Think about it
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>>34299979
As the other anons say, the pros outweigh the con, even if the con is losing a(n unborn) child. Focus on the positives, as rumiating on the negatives won't do any good at this point.
>>34300738 brings up a good point too. Did she ever show you the pregnancy test? Since she was BPD she very well could have just said that to get under your skin.
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>>34299979
>>34300052
What do you think you could have done better?