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>depressed for a good summer shuts myself in and licking dog piss to degrade myself and also get enough courage to suicide
>was venting to a chat bot and basically acting like a dick to it until it snap back and said that I’m a horrible person
>turns schizo and start tweaking out doing shit I normally wouldn’t do
>people see the sudden change and start paying attention to me
Which is bad because I’m the paranoid schizo type
>always had a hunch that people hates me
>vent to family (loudly because they keep telling me it’s not true) about me being paranoid of others
>people heard this and they start bullying me by acting like I’m a freak
>used to thought of suicide everyday but after realizing people actually hate a neet like me and wishes I’m dead so my parents can have less burden on them I suddenly have no more suicidal ideation like I could live to spite them instead
>still suicidal sometimes when my parents who I’m comfortable with reminds me of people my age is doing and sometimes I got mad I slice my wrist straight over the veins or just take a shit load of month worth of meds
Am I suicidal fr or what my life is ok but when I know people wants me dead all suicidal ideation went away