Thread #34304445
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I feel a need to be in complete silence and isolation with nobody in my home to have the ability to concentrate and I don't know why, little sounds in the back ground divert my concentration and throw me off, and then it stops being a matter of focusing but just warfare to even grasp simple shit. I'm so much more affective in relative silence or surrounded but just white noise. Clacks, squeeks, creeks, pops, etc, throw me off and I don't know why. I like a sense of having nothing but the train of thought with me, and when sounds enter into it I lose this. Is there a way I can just not be bothered by these things? Am I retarded? Am I BEING retarded? Is it autism?
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>>34304478
>Sounds like adhd.
Literally a curse from Hell if true. I can't think of a more cyphilus cognative impairment to have to deal with.
>Have you tried noise canceling headphones?
I haven't. I feel like that would irritate me but maybe I could try it. I'm also a poorfag so I don't really have the money to be throwing around at these kinds of things.
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Should I just give up on learning and give up on hopes if I suffer from this? I'm not even always so incapable of learning. Unfortunately I suffer froma virus of being more mentally productive at nighttime. I'm wondering if I should just go noctural and get 4 hours of sleep powered by caffeine forever. I need drugs or something. I'll just try to power through it and whip myself when my mind drifts.
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It's not every day that it's so bad, but I find I have to wake into the day in a hyper specific manner beginning with hours of silence during which I pray and silently assess my day to be productive, all else feels like the day is racing past me before I can do anything and so I feel like I should give up.
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I should give up on all hopes because I'll never make them work, but that makes me want to stab myself in the stomach 50 times then hurl myself off a skyscraper. I have no place in this world and I'll never find one because happenstance has precluded me from most things. I'll never have a life worth anything and my interests are all probably futile and hopeless. The only place for me in this world is the middle of nowhere isolated from all things. I'm low IQ and I should be doing simple labours on a island somewhere. Fuck my fucking faggot life.
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I kinda don't think I have ADHD, it doesn't really look like my problem, but whatever my problem is it arises from a lackof inner peace. I really do feel like I could excel in a meditative state with inner peace, my problem is that that inner peace can be SO EASILY disrupted and be transmuted into stress, a sense that's almost worse than demoralization, and mental anguish. I don't know where this comes from or if it arose from childhood or what but I struggle with it.
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>>34304805
Is it? I'd really like to know because it would demystify it somewhat, and I've suspected it for a number of reasons, but I things like online tests have questions that rely on experiencing very specific situations, so I can't answer the questions. Things like "sensory overload" or problems with socializing can be so many things. I described something ITT that sounds similar to "strong prefference for strict routines" which is considered an autistic trait, but it's hard for me to know the extent of this or how much I really feel that need when I don't have the life experience to contrast the presence or lack of that. I just know that my days go better when I have a more strict routine and I think and learn better too.
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>>34304445
maybe you're ready for The Pod Life.
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=j0_TDPaUznw