Welcome to the Thread! Kinderquestria/Anon in pone prison focuses on the world and adventures of naive child like ponies and the misadventures and shenanigans of Anon that results in him going to prison! To get a good handle on how things are done around here I implore you to check out our new and improved one stop shop of kinder greens and prompts here >> https://ponepaste.org/7630
>>43187708 >Girls, Gruntirek kidnapped Rainbow Dash to steal her speed! >Gruntirek kidnapped Rarity to steal her beauty! >And he took Applejack t'steal her... uh.... >>"I'LL STEAL HER HAT, HOW 'BOUT THAT?"
>A mysterious, hairless and green appendage with 5 smaller digits flips through an assortment of pages in a book >By the sounds of it, you must be Anon >And you're currently trying to wrap your head around something very important >very very important "How the hell does this place not have pizza?!" >You took food very seriously back on Earth and that hasn't gone away upon your arrival in Equestria >To your horror, there wasn't a single reference to pizza or even pizza-like foods, instead there were recipes such as "le daisies pain" which was Prench for "daisy bread" >its just a daisy between bread slices >When you arrived in Equestria, you realized the pones' view of time was much more drastic than yours >A 1 month sentence to prison here was seen as the equivalent to 10 years back on Earth >Which means that nopony had created cheeses like cheddar, swiss, provolone, or blue cheese since they all had to be aged for months to years >yfw this means you can become the cheese prince and "create" new never seen before foods
>>43190361 >Get drunk on 80 proof light beer (herbivore diet) >Tell ponies about the cheese caves and the government conspiracy that keeps them stocked >Ponies now think humans are magical cheese spirits with a cosmic role like breezies or that dog that guards Tartarus >Ponies start calling us cheesies
>>43190317 I had a vague dream like this once. I don't think it was AJ or quite as intimate as that image but I distinctly remember the feeling of their weight on my lap and running their silky mane through my fingers.
>>43190879 >>43190970 >Ponies also think that changelings are cheese guardians created by humans because of their leg holes >Anon becomes an ambassador for the changeling race by proxy, somehow outranking Chrysalis too >Relations between changelings and ponies are healed by Anon gracing Celestia with the existence of cheesecake
>Made an offhanded comment you thought no one heard when picking up a package at the post office "Derps should level up agility, lul" >A couple of days pass
>While walking to Sweet Apple Acres to get those sweet sweet appuls, you see Derpy running around a small pasture >She has a bunch of cardboard muffins lined up in a obstacle course of some kind, her snout is all scrunched up, eyebrows furrowed in focus >Her focus is broken when she spots you >"Oh! Hai Anon!" "Hey Derpy, what're you up to?" >"I took your advice! You said I needed to 'level-up' agi- agil- ag-" "Agility." >"Yeah, that! So I took a bunch of my most scary items that could cause boo-boos, and I'm trying to fly without hitting any!~" >You take a look at the fake muffins and see small thumbtacks with the sharp ends rounded off >Derpy runs up to you, almost tripping but managing to stay up >"Anon! What level am I?!" >She looks up at you with expectation >You really don't know what to say, so you just make up something "You gained about... I'd say 5 levels. You're doing a good job, Derps." >Her eyes widen alongside the biggest grin you've seen on the mailmare >"YAAAAY!!" >Derpy flies in circles while giggling and snorting >hhhnnnnnnnnnnnnnnggggggggg >At this rate you'll probably pass out from derpabetes >Good thing she's leveling agility, maybe she can carry you to the hospital
>>43192674 >Ponies start rescuing homework from dogs to level Restoration >Rainbow Dash figures out how to farm speech XP by doing nothing but phonics flashcards >Derpy already has 100 destruction from destroying town hall with her butt
>>43193929 >find a weird scroll painted in gold somewhere deep in the royal library >read it, get flashbanged >see a vision of a white furred, red maned mare with a ceramic pot on her head and a quill cutiemark >"I had been waiting for you nerevar" >it quickly fits into place that this mare is the true dreamer, CHIM itself >your mind breaks, but you quickload to when it wasn't broken >"Good, you're already mastering your powers, Z'wah. Show me your infinte might" >spend a week grinding a fortify intelligence spell >make ritual that's divinely powerful but only lasts a second >cast it, quickly mix a bunch of herbs and make a maxcap potion of fortify intelligence >chug it >the entirety of reality is revealed true forever >sneak derpy a very diluted potion of fortify intelligence (duration: 800 years) and nominate her as your pick for this year's spelling bee, betting all your bits on her >everypony laughs and tells you you're wasting your bits, and bet against you >??? >twiggles loses her shit failing the bee to the town retard >collect your winnings >the dreamare manifests in front of you, laughing hysterically >hands you a bottle (with her left hand), tells you to chug it >hand? she only has hooves >chug it >it was piss >spit it out >it never was piss, it was a potion of fortify endurance >you find yourself in an endurance competition against rainbow dash ??? Scrolls, man. Not even once.
>>43116114 c-come on Bloomie, it's time to get in... >"but ah don't wawna take a bayuth!" look, it's... you've gotta... >you look to AJ for some assistance or at least solidarity, but she just looks back at you with a look of utter bemusement as you deal with what she's long grown accustomed to look, don't you want to get clean? >"NO! please don't make me go in there mister Anawn! it's awl cowld and weyt, and it takes so lawng until mah coat gets drah, ah cain't stayund it! puh-lease, tell Appuljayck not to make me go in thayre!" and she gives you those big, beady, misty eyes >any other time it might have given you pause, but now it only deepens your exasperation as you accidentally sigh more audibly than you would have liked >AJ bites down hard on the brush not to laugh out loud, you try to avoid making eye contact with her don't you want to get all that gunk off of you? don't--don't you want to play with your bath toys? you have your little ducky there and- >"NOOOO! NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO N-" >you finally start seeing white and lose your patience APPLE BLOOM!! >she goes quiet and her defiant scowl turns back into the look of terror, this time directed at you rather than her watery grave >worried that you might have gone a little far, you take a deep breath with your eyes closed, and look straight at her if you're dirty, you know I'm not going to want to pet you, right? >"wh-...whaht?" that's right, I, uh, I'm not going to want to stroke a coat like this, it's not smooth or soft at all...I certainly wouldn't want to run my hands through a mane like this either, I'd get my hands all dirty... >"d-duh ya really mean thayut?" >you nod sternly >AJ also nods, impressed and if you think I'd want to put my lips anywhere near all that muck, you'd better think again, so don't count on any forehead kisses until you're all washed up. >Bloom casts her eyes down in resignation >"ohkay...ah'll go in..." >"pleayse just put me in slowly, ah always just freeze mah flank off when AJ dunks me awl at wonce..." alright...easy does it...there. >before long, she's comfortable in the water and blissfully playing with her bath toys while you and her big sister scrub her coat and wring out her mane >"thank yuh there, sugarcube. if yuh can buhlieve it, it's even harder most naights. ah'll have to getcha to come heylp out every bathtime," AJ whispers to you with a wink >you chuckle uneasily, hoping she was just joking
>Date XX/XX >This species and its culture is endlessly fascinating to me. Yet in my pursuit of knowledge and discovery, I've found that the greatest revelations come outside of my attempts at finding them. >Just the other day, I had been enjoying some time off from my studies, simply enjoying the company of an inhabitant of the town in which I've come to reside. We had each been joking and the atmosphere felt relaxed enough that I felt comfortable in making a physical gesture. >To put it in blunt and honest terms, I poked her on the tip of her snout and vocalized an onomatopoeic "boop" sound. >This seemed to produce a euphoric and dissociative effect, as the individual momentarily seemed to phase out of lucidity while experiencing a moment of extreme physical bliss. Apparently it was considered altpgether pleasant, as she enthusiastically requested another administration immediately thereafter. >This attracted the attention of a passerby, who, intrigued, requested the same, to the same effect. >The two dubbed the procedure by the same onomatopoeia that I had haphazardly used earlier. Seeing no better term, I adopted it as well.
>Date XX/XX+14 >I first conducted experiments in "booping" on a volunteer basis, then simply began asking friends and acquaintances if they would consent to experiencing the phenomenon, then complete strangers, and have recently tested waters in admonistering to passersby unprompted. The reception has been much the same; in contrast to "uppies" which would occasionally yield chagrin after the act even if universally well-received during, I have not yet encountered any objection. At worst, a pony might be mildly bothered by losing his or her train of thought if administered in the middle of speech. >My working hypothesis is that there is some sort of pressure point at the tip of the snout, which might have gone hereto unnoticed as the wider extremities on their equivalents to our arms might stimulate too many nerves at once, ultimately resulting in no physical sensation. (Despite the equivalent practice a few ponies have taken a liking to employing on myself, I'm afraid it seems to produce no similar effect) Other species in this realm with phalanges more like ours tend to have them too sharp and pointed to have ever come across the phenonenon of booping (I can't believe I'm going to have to continue using this term in my journal and formal speech). >The rulers of this realm have expressly forbidden the practice of dissection and I intend to honor their stipulations, so I'm afraid this shot in the dark will have to remain a hypothesis.
>>43214753 >Date XX/XX+19 >I have received a summons from the twin monarchs, presumably relating to this most recent discovery and my practices. I only hope that our rapport has not been strained; I admit that perhaps I have overstepped ethical boundaries by involving technically non-consenting parties in my research, even if it was an ostensible conclusion deriving from unanimous enthusiastic compliance in formal and informal trials. >I am prepared to defend myself as necessary in the royal court, but also to face the Equestrian justice system with dignity, respect, and honor. If this is to be my final entry, I only hope a successor can learn from my errors and continue this practice in my stead.
>Date XX/XX+21 >I suppose it bears acknowledging as a discovery that the urge to wince and to cackle might entirely cancel one another out, as I had fortunately observed while trying to retain my composure as the princesses looked down upon me from their thrones while their orator made their declaration regarding "ceremonial booping." >Evidently, the decreed new practice involves administering a boop (perhaps one day I will become accustomed to writing that without quotation marks) as a formal gesture during audience with the royal sisters, akin to the curtsying or genuflection required by some monarchs throughout our own history. >At any rate, my practices are to continue, now with an increased grant from the Canterlot Arts & Sciences Foundation.
>>43190361 >Poniods finally getting cheezepilled. It's an interesting premise though. I wonder what other food might be missing in /kinder/questria because of this. Maybe that's why the kinder ponies never discovered wine. I would imagine that bread and other baked goods are probably viewed the same way cheese is on Earth considering they could take a entire day to prepare.
You could probably try making some old timey alcohol by fermenting fruit but I don't know if it's the best idea to do so. There's are a fair few accounts of trying this in our world only for local wildlife to get into it and getting zooted out of their gourd.
>>43237219 >braid the paper clips into a ring >this shows I am practical with a delicate touch >invest in the farm and land and plant the seeds >this shows commitment to the future and willingness to join the family trade >teach the frog to eat bits and sing songs after eating bits >this would just be funny to me but maybe it'd get some extra cashflow By gosh I'm gonna make this "become an Apple" brouhaha work, I tell you hwat
>>43239017 >Beerland >Anon started his own kingdom so he doesn't have to pay Celestia's taxes >Celestia is too nice to send the guards to kick his flagpole over
>>43221516 twimac is still the best twilight ship that isn't gay the best twilight ship is still twuna imagine the shenanigan potential of two alicorns and a monkey all conspiring to fluster a little purple nerd and a big blue recluse
>>43237264she is so fucking cute holy shit this almost became a cute-aggression post >>43243400 >You're the T to the W-I >Which means you're Twilight Sparkle. >It was warm, calm days in Ponyville like today you enjoyed the most. >Saying hi to your friends to and from wherever you had to go. >No Equestria-Dooming evil, no beyond-pony-comprehension Pinkie shenanagains. >Just a nice, quiet- >"FUCKING JUMP!" >recordscratch.gramophone >Even if you weren't the one doing it somepony commiting a crime in broad daylight stressed you out. >Even if it WASN'T a crime to swear it'd stress you out! >It'd stress out any reasonable pony! >"DO IT YOU BITCH!" >Despite your eagerness to simply leave you had to see what was going on. >Maybe a pony just didn't know better and after a nice, civil- >"DO IT YOU FUCKING PUSSY!" >Conversation and they'd never do it again! >Finally turning a corner you see Anonymous (which dashed your hopes of a reasonable, polite conversation). >"GET. THE. FUCK DOWN FROM THERE!" >And Rainbow! >Who he was swearing at! >But she didn't seem phased at all! >This was the same mare who once CRASHED out of the sky because she zoomed past somepony who swore because she was going so fast. >Now? >"WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU LOOKING AT?! I'LL END YOU!" >She looks... Happy? >Like there isn't an insane hyuman yelling at her. >"YOU FUCKING PIECE OF SHI-" "ANON!" >Both of them turn immediately. >"Oh hi Twi!" >"Hey Twilight." He promptly turned back to Dash and calmly continued, "Fuck you, you stupid fuck. You fucking brainless tardegrade," while clenching his fists. >Dash hopped, barely a jump, down from the stone and approached you. >"What's up?" >You can't help but cringe because you can still hear Anon whispering things behind Dash. "What is going on? Why is Anon swearing at you? Why do you not CARE?" >"Huh?" >Suddenly her care-free smile grows and her eyes widden in... joy? >"ANON!" She turns back to him. >"It worked! The training worked!" >She zooms forward, capturing him in a hug, and flying off cheering. >He falls to his knees and forward again, slamming a fist into the dirt with a devestated "NO!" >"Why, you stupid fucking shitter..." >You can hardly stomach it but you approach the clearly upset hyuman. "Mind explaining what's going on?" >He looks up with tears in his eyes and confesses, >"That was the only entertainment I've had in months. She'd walk up the ramp, I'd swear, and she'd fuckin' TUMBLE." >He looks at you with sad, hopeless eyes. >"And I told her if we kept at it she'd get desensitized and she couldn't be startled again. It was so fucking funny, Twi." >He sniffled before finishing, "Until it actually worked." >Yeah, you're going to get the guards. >And consider utilizing "desensitization" to everypony that has to live near Anon.